A new life

a closing statement

2010-01-10T21:43:00.000-08:00

i had one last miserable conversation with Delma(TJ's Xgf) this weekend.buti had support this time. 2 of my best girls sat around the table with me while she and i talked (with her on speaker of course)
i could never go toe to toe with her b/c i have zero bitchability(and of course that's all she is) - my heart is too deep.and my friends wanted to scream at me for letting her run me over.truth is i choose not to stoop to her level.i never let her under my skin.
she wanted "clarity" b/c she felt like he was lying to her about us being back together so she called me for the truth. in all honesty i kind of took her side from time to time on things - and i'll never get to say this to her b/c i'll never speak to her - but i had to put it into the universe.and if she ever googles her name for some reason maybe it'll smack her in the face!

"if you want your clarity i will give it to you if you will not interupt me with your manipulative tactics.And this will be the last time you EVER call my house or contact anyone in my family again so listen good b/c it's your only chance for clairity:
What you want is closeure.But you won't get it b/c you don't deserve it b/c you put yourself in this situation knowing full well what it could cost you and you have to pick up the pieces on your own.You want to know where i get my strenght from and most of it is by the grace of God and the rest of it is is who I am b/c my heart goes on forever.I am solid and I am true and you are nothing but an empty heartless shell.You will never be FOR him what I have always been TO him and that is why he came back to me.So have a nice life rotting in hell b/c there is no room in our life for you."

and then i will hang up and that will be that.
she was playing a serious cat and mouse game trying to gain my strenght for standing for my marriage so that she could apply it to their relationship and I was done with it.
she said tons of stuff to try and find a chink in my armor so that I'd get pissed at him and let him go once and for all and it just didn't work for her.
I found out alot of crap from her that i didn't want to know and i don't want any more detail about their relationship.It'll make the healing process that much harder and I don't need any more intrusive thoughts standing in the way of what will be a great thing between my husband and me.
the important thing isn't what happened with them then- it's how we move forward as a family now.
I so wish I could have said all of that to her then but I just couldn't make my brain stir up anything remotely bitchesque.It's not me to behave that way.
so now maybe i'll be able to sleep with that off my chest.I'm proud for never giving in.I would always wonder if we would have made it if i never tried to fight for him.
and i'll never take any of her calls again.
TJ sent the majority of his belongings to her house when he left us and if he never gets it back - fine. that stuff can be replaced.our realtionship can't. and if she destroys it that just makes me look that much better b/c all of his stuff that is still here is still in the place he left it.
we move forward from here.you don't get anywhere living in the past.It's not the affair that buggs me.
what hurts the most is knowing that he left us when we need him the most: with a 20 month old toddler and a 3 month old baby. knowing that i have supported him solidly in his career without thinking twice.always being there and guarding the home front the coutless times he's been away without blinking!I may have complained about it but i did a fine job out here on my own! and he left me when i desperately needed him to support me - to take care of me,to be my constant for a change.
we will get thru it.God is on our side.so long as we keep making good decisions and put all our effort in to healing and growing together,God is gunna do the rest.
I told Delma that. That she didn't have a chance.That he would always be a part of our family and he'd always be my husband b/c God was totally on our side and not her's.She asked me where her God was.my respones: I don't know who or where your God is,but it must not be the same God as mine b/c He's pretty friggin awesome!
I'm so proud of myself i could just spit!!!

prayer

2010-01-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

Thank you Lord for the new beginning you have created in our life. Thank you for bringing my husband home.This time is different than the last.I know it in my gut.And it's all thanks to you for hearing and answering my prayers.
The road ahead of us is very long and i ask that you give us strength and dedication to eachother and to you.Hold us accountable to make you the center of our life,to build our new life together on your solid foundation.
Continue to speak to me so that i know that i am walking in your way and following your will for my life.
And i pray that you will continually tug at TJ's heart -to bring him in to a place of repentance and humbleness so that he may be made cleansed and renewed in your love.Enable him to come to you for forgiveness so that he will be freed from the guilt he is carrying.
My prodigal spouse has only been brought home by your goodness and faithfulness.it's not going to be easy,but it will be wonderful when our marriage is rebuilt the right way! I pray that you would breath life back into our marriage.rekindeling the love that has dimmed or gone out.
Continue to make us new creations in you.To change our hearts so that we can become the man and woman that you designed us to be.
Thank you that you are restoring our marriage.May it always be used for your Glory!!

psalm 126:3
The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy!

pumpkin carving - and other stuff

2009-10-30T12:49:00.000-07:00

unbelieveable

2009-10-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

the butthead called last night all crying and pathetic saying "i can't do this anymore.i miss home.i miss the family.i'm calling my attorney and having him throw everything in the trash."

12 hrs later he changed his mind.

i'm going to be put in a mental hospital before this is ever resolved.

a healthy dose of encouragement

2009-10-27T17:33:00.001-07:00

more music

2009-10-27T17:25:00.000-07:00

now-

2009-10-26T19:47:00.000-07:00

it's too bad that i don't know anyone ballsy enough to send these videos off to 'they that shall remain unnamed"
sending it in an email - yeah -it'll never get opened.

maybe they're not even worth my time.

oh well,

ya'll can all dance and sing your hearts out with me!

oh!enough said!

2009-10-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

well,this just about says it all

2009-10-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

blessed

2009-10-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

random bits and pieces

2009-10-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

my kids are growing up!!
natalie is eating 2 different cereals,carrots,squash and apple sauce!!

TJ-everything is followed with the word 'yuck'. i don't know why,but he uses this word like it was 'and'or 'it'.it's part of every normal sentence.
he's also making full sentences.some of them make sense like "let's rock and then go ny-nyte" which comes out "wock wock anen ny-nyte" or "go find a book" which comes out so normal sounding it's amazing!
and then there's the silly stuff like "mama car.byebye-goin,goin" which means "let get in the car and go somewhere!!" which he did to me at 8 this morning.thank God we have errands to do later,he won't be disappointed.

my counselor wants to me start journaling.i don't want to.i hate journaling!! but i bought some fancy pretty pens to help inspire me!

my husband has had some kind of break thru in some sense b/c he actually admitted the other day that he has been feeling 'so empty'. of couse that was in the same conversation we had about the kids where he wanted me to tell them he'd be here to pick them up on thanksgiving.
kids have no concept of time.so if he comes and gets them great.but i'm not making a big deal out of it.he hasn't been to see them since august and other time he was supposed to see them sense then he always bailed.
he said "i'm not gunna come to town and not see them over the holiday" and i replied with "oh?like you haven't been NOT not seeing them this whole time?"
he said "i know.i got back to el paso and i've just felt so empty"
that could mean anything.
i'm not reading in to it.
but i was glad to see some sort of emotion in him other than self defense.

oh,and the COL is supposed to be evaluating his emotional state this week.
i woudln't care that he's acting crazy if he wasn't deploying.but he's not using good judgement,he's had a very irrational selfish way of thinking as of late so i finally told someone i thought his mental state of mind wasn't what it should be for going in to battle.
he's going to be furious with me. i'd rather they evaluate him and find nothing wrong other than that he's pissed at me -than not say anything and have something horrible happen b/c his decision making process isn't functioning properly.

i'll elaborate on what makes me think he's nuts later.
i have to go get lunch going!

getting started

2009-10-01T12:20:00.001-07:00

well,the judge awarded me child support and temp.spousal support in the amount of 3800 a month.the child support will continue on but the spousal support has a year cap on it.
we're also supposed to be selling the house.i was kind of weezled in to agreeing to it even though i wanted to keep it.i mean,really,who's going to refinance the house to me?i don't have a job yet.
i'm working on it,but it's not gunna happen over night.
so i have to figure out how to buy TJ out.in order to keep it.there's some folks crunching numbers for me.we'll see what kind of options i have.
i also have a neighbor that's willing to watch the kids long term for very little,so if i can get a job,and i have my child support,we could make it here. i'm just trying to get it started.
i can't wait too long.it was put in a legal agreement that i'd put it on the market.of course i can try and buy it from TJ but i can't take too long or i'll get in trouble for not listing it.

other than that the judge ordered that no 'paramours" are to be around our kids at all.THANK GOD!!
we had it put in our little temporary agreement that there were to be no 'paramours' around between the hrs of 8 pm and 8 am if the kids were present.of course that took care of TJ trying to fly the kids up to colorado,and that took care of HER coming here b/c what's TJ gunna do,put her up in a hotel at night?doubtful. so the judge ruled it in the best interest of the children that "no paramours around the kids at all while we're still married". besides that the judge asked for a good reason he should allow it and all's my attorney said was "we don't have an issue judge" and TJ's attorney said "well, i think we're all in understanding that someone is going to move on at some point"
so of course then the judge spoke directly to TJ's table and said not at all.
i had 2 victories in court atleast.the money and his lover not having access to our kids.(the 2 things that would piss him off the most) i'm not happy about the house thing.but if it's ment to be God'll make us a way to stay.and there's that matter of TJ having sole possession of the kids for the 4 days he's home in november and then the 2 weeks of R&R next year -but he was supposed to come see them 3 times last weekend and he didn't,and it's doubtful he'll follow thru at seeing them much at all.maybe some,but not the whole time.he wouldn't know what to do with both of them.not to mention that's roughly 9 months from now,what's to say the kids aren't going to kick up a fuss at the sight of him anyway?

so that's an update.
i'm still holding out some hope and faith that he's going to come around and want us again but it's not hindering my thought process for moving forward and starting a new life.

i will keep you updated as things unfold!

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:22-26

going overboard

2009-09-09T11:50:00.000-07:00

here's another post. found a wonderful website called rejoiceministries.org.
i know i'm being silly today but i really like how this sounds.if i thought my husband would receieve it from me i'd send it to him. but he wouldn't read it.

IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE GRACE OF GOD
SOME OTHER MAN-
could be praying with my wife today.
could be hearing my wife say, "that's all right."
could know what it's like to play with my grandchildren.
could be getting goose bumps when my wife says, "I'm proud of you."
could enjoy having my wife call him, "Honey."
could be sitting in church with my wife.
could be feasting on my wife's cooking.
could know how it feels to hold hands with my wife.
could know what it's like to be intimate with my wife.
could be with my wife, children, and grandchildren on holidays.
BUT NO OTHER MAN-
could ever love my wife as I do.
could ever call my wife his covenant wife.
could ever know what it's like to be one flesh with my wife.
could ever love my children and grandchildren as I do.
could ever tap into the early memories of our marriage.
could ever have his family loved by my wife as is mine.
could ever know my wife on a real wedding night.
could ever look into my wife's eyes and know what she is feeling.
could ever really know that God had blessed their marriage.
could ever say nothing, yet communicate with my wife.
could hear my wife say, "I forgive you" and know that she has.
-Bob Steinkamp
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."Genesis 2:24

and then this is part of the devotional today on endurance. it was really good. this is just the last thing the woman said:
One of the secrets of endurance is being inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. Your Lord has given you promises to you for you to develop endurance and patience for your marriage to be renewed, restored and reconciled by your Lord. Don't give up, run the race to win the prize that the Lord has for you and your family.
"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith." I Timothy 6:11-12

2009-09-09T11:34:00.000-07:00

i can't even think of a good title today.
i am zapped.
the kids are napping.

today has been a quiet day. no drama so far.
just silence.
i think that's going to be the hardest part to get over.
i can't just pick up the phone and call him b/c i want to.i can't just call to say hi.i can't just call to tell him some great story about the kids.i can't just call to say good night.and i am done telling him i love him.he knows.

it's time to have hope in God that TJ will have a repentant heart and come to him. God will change his heart when he's ready to.i also believe that no man can do what TJ has done and not come to place of complete repentance and heartache over how he has destroyed his life.
i don't believe that God is destroying us.I believe that he is making life hard for us so that we will lean on Him and seek out his help.I'm there. I just hope that TJ doesn't wait too long to answer his calling.
I know it's hard to believe that i would take him back.even i am amazed at how solidly i feel that way.of course there would be some serious boundaries set -it would be months before he even lived here again.and i would have to sit down and think what it would look like for him to be in a relationship with me again -there would be serious trust to rebuild.it can be done. but he's not going to like it.if he chooses us i have a plan for how it would have to look to even try, until then, this is why i am standing today to fight for my husband - and if he chooses us i believe that with God all things are possible.and without Him we would be nothing.

A Standers Affirmation
I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.
I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.
- Author Unknown

"Do you believe that I am able to do this? According to your faith will it be done to you." Matthew 9:28-29

Left Behind

2009-09-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

my husband left me.

for another woman.

3 weeks ago.

he told me that he hadn't been happy for a long time.
but rather than put me thru the strain of marrital strife (since i was pregnant with natalie at the time his unhappiness supposedly started) he decided to remain silent.
then, when he had decided what he was going to do - he came to me and said he simply wanted a divorce. no if's and or butts about it. not working on it. not trying. no chaning. no nothing. he was just done.
he told me all of this on august 18. we went to the counselor b/c he wanted some validation basically that it was better for us to call it quits before the deployment or wait it out and seek counseling in a year when he got back. of course the counselor said we were great. he told TJ that if we were a complete train wreck and there was no chance he'd let us know that we were done.
the following weekend Tj went away for 4 days to "clear his head and think.somewhere where there were no people and no phone calls and it was just him sorting his thoughts."
i let him go thinking he'd seek out good counsel among some of his close friends and they'd give him the kick in the ass he needed. he wouldn't tell me where he was going. but i made him tell someone so that if i needed him in an emergency someone knew where to find him.
that sunday he sent me a text "i'll be home by midnight".
he never came to bed though.
the next day i asked him where he was. he said "around". i told him that wasn't an answer. he said he went to enchanted rock. (i knew he was lying. we don't live 5 hrs away from enchanted rock.he would have been home before midnight if he had been there.
the next day i went to a friends house and left TJ with the kids all day just to kind of throw reality at him a little bit.
i searched his phone records.
i came across a billion phone calls to ft collins col. and finally came across a call that was nearly 4 hrs long. and then several more that were almost just as long.late at night. my friend called the number.it was a woman on the voice mail.
i confronted him.
he finally admitted that he had spent his 4 day soul searching journey with her(stupid mother fucker!excuse my french!).
he filed for divorce on aug 26.
he has spent almost 14oo$ on plane tickets to see her in the last 2 weeks.
more truth keeps coming out as time goes on. he's had 3 relationships with 3 other women in the last 3 years.(1 of those could easily have been a one night stand but the other 2 were more)

i have been dropped on my ass.
left in the dirt.
someone ran off with the wagon and i got dumped out on my head.

a friend of mine told me tonight that she was amazed at my uncontrolled grace.she said that she would have shot someone by now -or at the very least taken a baseball bat to her husbands truck.

i don't know what's going to happen. i am so devistated that i don't even know where to begin to get angry. it's just not there.

his girlfriend called me the other night(i've talked to her quite a bit and there' alot of details i'm leaving out and when it's not the middle of the night i'll give you all the gory details.) she said she felt like tj was being very open and honest and that we needed to try and come to an agreement about either how we were goint to get thru this and be happy or how we were going to come to an agreement for a divorce decree.
she told TJ he needed to tell me what was wrong with the relationship that he had been hiding.
he said that i "didn't take care of myself like i used to......(b/c we met in the gym and i don't go anymore. forget that i've had 2 babies in 2 years and have next to no time for myself b/c he is NEVER home to give me a break) and that i wasn't an asset to society.
what the fuck does that mean?
his little friend even told him to be careful what he said to me b/c he was making me feel like i was nothing. she also stuck up for me in the sense that she had no idea how he could not love me b/c i had such a big heart. and the hardest job in the world is wanting to be home to raise my babies to be good ppl. and how could i not be an asset to society if i was raising my babies to be good assets to society?
yeah her tune eventually changed towards me but she was on my side at first.

anyway, i am no longer accepting phone calls from either of them. next time she calls i will talk to her long enough to say 'you are wrong. this is inappropriate.you aren't my friend.do not call me again."
and i will talk to him long enough to tell him i will no longer speak to him with out a third part present that i trust -my lawyer my parents or my neighbors - and if he wants to see the kids he gets to see them outside of this house. i will meet him somewhere and we will talk about nothing but those babies.

he is trying to convience himself that i don't matter to make himself feel better about his actions.,that's why he has said all that bullshit.i know that. but i am so very angry that he could even feel that way. what does he expect? NAT isn't even 5 months old yet.i will NEVER look like i did when i was 20 again.the house will never be completely neat and tidy b/c there's toys everywhere.and fuck society!! just b/c i don't get paid to stay home and nutrure my kids and grow them into the little people that i want them to be does not by any means mean i am worthless!! if anything i'd say i'm pretty damn great!
and 2LT -i'm -too -big -for- my -britches can go to hell! he still doesn't have his college degree-granted he's working on it i wouldn't say he's such a great man at all.
the last 3 years of my life have been a whole lie!
now i love my babies. i wouldn't trade them for the world! but there are here b/c he had the preconceieved notion that they would fix everything! and that was his main motive for making them. to cover up the mess that i was totally oblivious too.
i had no idea.
none.
that this was coming.
he dropped a bomb in my lap without a thought.
he even told me he didn't love me and was choosing this other girl.
he will never be happy.
so long as our mess follows him around for the rest of his life -and it will- b/c he didn't do anything to fix it and heal it -he will never be happy b/c he will bring our unresolved issues in to all of his next relationships.
and ya know what? i will be free from any guilt. b/c this is not my fault. he even told our counselor there was nothing i was doing to make him unahppy. he just didn't love me anymore.
see?
he just wants to do what he wants to do.
it's purely selfish.
he will pay for his mistakes dearly one day. he will be crushed under the weight of all the lies he has told and all the running away he did.he's going to wake up and be totally alone b/c all of his motives are purely selfish.and when he come back to reality and realizes that he ripped his life apart with his bare hands he will be brought to his knees and there will be no one to help him pick up the pieces.

side note:
call me completely nuts b/c even i think i am nuts.but i have faith in love and God and restoration. i believe that if he chose to come back to us we could make it work. not without years and tons of hard hard work and trust buliding again.but we could get there if given the right kind of help.my neighbors are living proof that you can take the crappiest of marriages and rebuild them to be better than you ever dreamed possible.but right now it's time to let him go.and it would take me some time to even think about what things would have to look like to me for us to be together. i am in the driver seat now.
i'm not signing off on the divorce b/c we aren't in agreement anyway. that gives God enough time to scare him so bad in iraq that he gets a major wake up call and be completely sick over what he has done.that gives him enough time to be so scared(and that day will come)that he will want nothing more than the comforts of home-the last 9 years of his life -the comfortable sweet sound of his wife's voice.and all's he gunna want is to come home -or to call. and he won't even be able to.b/c he destroyed home for him.
and if he doesn't atleast one day i will be able to tell my children that mommy didn't give up on daddy after 3 weeks.she gave him plenty of time to come back first.
i think if nothing else we should try to go to counseling just so that if things can be rebuilt our kids would know what it means to have a happy whole healthy family.
he needs to break the cycle of divorce in his life. the past doesn't rule him.(there's been a lot of instability and divorce in his childhood)he says he will break the cycle with this other girl.that doesn't mean he's breaking the cycle for himslef by divorcing me and sticking withsomeone else. and it certainly doesn't break the cycle for his kids.

anyway, i'm going to go to bed. it's been an awful 3 weeks.

i'll give you all the crazy details later.

flat daddy

2009-08-11T13:18:00.000-07:00

is this a GREAT IDEA or what??
of course it makes me want to sit down and cry! but what doesn't these days??
i'm going to order one -it's 50$. but i'd rather pay for one and have it be perfect than try and make one of my own and screw it up.not to mention my time is already very limited.

http://flatdaddies.com/
http://www.imalreadyhome.com/flatdaddy.htm

TJ leaves in a month.it takes 3 weeks to get a 'flat daddy' but i think with the kids being so young it's necessary.

sorry i've been gone so long.i'm starting to have more snippets of time here and there so i'll be putting up more stuff soon.
especially pictures!!!!

pictures

2009-06-15T17:15:00.001-07:00

daddy and me

daddy's DP boxers

sweetness

more sweetness

i have no words for how cute!

sugar and spice

sweet dreams

strawberry fun at camping!

you lookin' at me?

inks lake tradition

floatin the lake

more floating fun

TJ and the duck

popcicle face

happy baby

oh my gosh!

2009-06-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

SHADES~
I AM SO SORRY that i've been so out of touch! PLEASE CALL whenever you feel like it! if i'm sleeping i don't answer the phones anyway. TJ is gone back to work now so we're kind of on a better routine anyway. i miss you!! i hope you get to come visit soon!

VP and SWG ~ thanks for the support! teege isn't so jealous anymore. he actually comes and gets me now when Nat cries -even if she's in the same room as we are. and if she's asleep he's constantly letting out a string of "sissy. sissy." and standing by her door.

a few notes:
TJ has learned how to say grammy -but it comes out Gingy.i like it. i know it's wierd. but it's super cute."gingy" it's like the perfect attempt at saying something.

we're getting a new roof this week so we escaped to moms and dads this week.

TJ is gone for 3 weeks for pre mob training. he deploys in about 3 months.well- he doesn't leave country til the end of the year, but he'll be at his mob station training for about 6 months -and he's going to be far enough away that we won't see him but for a snatch of time at thanksgiving.

baby Nat is perfect in every way! she's happy so long as she is fed and rested. she's not terribly fussy like teege was at all.it's been a blessing that she is so easy.especially since my help is limited from day to day.

i'll try and add more later and get some pics up soon as Nat is almost 7 weeks old now.right now though i have to go feed her so we can go and visit my nana since we're in town.
and i'm going to bealls b/c their bathing suits are on sale and i need one.
hope all is well with everyone and i'll try and make it over to your bloggs soon!

a few minutes

2009-05-03T09:10:00.000-07:00

thanks for all the comments ladies!
we are all doing well.
a little tired. but that's getting better too.
natalie eats pretty well though we certainly had our fair share of issues in the first week and she sleeps pretty good so far.
we have had to put her in her swing at night at times to get her back to sleep; it's one of those papasaun chair swings(however you spell it) so it lays back flat like a craddel.but she's managing her nights and days better.
we had some issues with jaundice(mostly my over cautious dr again i think.) natalie was as orange as a carrot when she was 5 days old. they had us taking her out in to the light(which there was none b/c it was so darn cloudy) to help them come down and told me to feed her a lot,but her bili levels dropped the day she was a week old, just like every one said they would. but the drs have to keep an eye on it. if the bili levels get too high in rare causes it can cause brain damage(and death though i don't know that any baby has ever died from it). they were going to send us to the hospital for daily light therapy if she didn't get better. but all is well now.

teege is still doing pretty good with her. he still gets jealous, of his daddy and his new sister! LOL! but he's coping. i just make sure he's getting lots of one on one time with mommy and that when sister is awake i try and pay more attention to him when i can.he responds to her alot better if i refer to her as "your baby" when talking to him about her. seems to make him feel more like she's his than mine.

anyway i gotta run. the little one will be calling for the boob any second now.
i'll try and put up some current pics soon!

introducing baby natalie joy!

2009-04-28T17:49:00.000-07:00

hello all!
here's some pictures of our newest addition!
the basics:
7lbs 10 oz
19 inches
born at 11 15am on april 23

natalie is doing well as are the rest of us. it's funny how much easier things have seemed the 2nd time around. from the beginning to now things have just felt so much better than when teege was born. the delivery was so easy it was almost funny. i was so nervous about inducing and it turned out to be a breeze!
things are going so great i wonder sometimes if i'm dreaming.

i'll be around again soon! enjoy the pictures!

update

2009-04-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

i've made it to friday so far.
no baby.
i did have bad enough contractions in the middle of the night that i got woke up. but i drank a whole bunch of water and prayed and prayed for baby to stay in and i was able to go back to sleep.
i feel rotten that i'm holed up back here and can't play with my kid.
he won't stay on the bed for cartoons or books or colors and paper. yet he'll stand outside my door(mom and dad put the baby gate up so i could leave the door open so as not to feel totally cut off from the world but they weren't having to chase TJ in here ever 3 seconds) and holler "MAMA! MAMA!" he's managing ok. he doesn't seem to act like he thinks i'm ignoring him or don't want him.

Big TJ is on his way home! he got out a day early. he should be here early this afternoon depending on how much rain he hits.
our plan is to try and make the baby wait to make her debut until wednesday.he's been warned if that's the case that he'll be the one up doing everything for the next several days.he seems prepaired.
but he has never spent a whole day taking care of tj on his own. it'll be a true test for him.

dad is taking chewy to the vet for me after while. i wanted him to get a good bath and nail trim b/c it might be a while before i can get him back over there. and the plans for my pedicure are out the window.if i'm stuck in bed i can't very well ask anyone to take me over to marble falls to get my feet done can i? oh well, maybe i can get my mom to put a coat of hot pink polish on before they go home.

and that's all i know for now folks.
cross your fingers and i'll cross my legs!

37 weeks

2009-04-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

i will be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow (or is it friday?)
i had an appt today.
i have been sent to bed.
of course i'm not IN bed right now. but i am sitting. i'm not walking or standing or anything like that. did you know there is nothing on tv in the afternoon?? it's so boring! i might have to bust out twilight just so i don't go bonkers! you can only watch so much tv.
what we know:
we have scheduled to be induced on the 23-a week from tomorrow. BUT i am at 3 cm and atleast 50% thinned out. the active stages of labor start at 4 cm.
so, even though we are planning on inducing in a week, there is a very very very big chance we won't have to.
my dr told me that 'staying off my feet would be very beneficial as far as keeping the baby in atleast til TJ can get home -hopefully she'll stay in til sunday so you'll be close to 38 weeks. but it's not likely.so lets just try and keep her in til your husband gets home.'

so mom and dad sent me to bed and are taking care of teege and just planning on staying here until TJ can get home.
needless to say TJ is in panic mode. he's trying to figure out how to get released sooner than saturday. fingers crossed he does. and fingers crossed the baby stays in at least another few days if not the whole week. we don't really want her to be born 3 weeks early.

anyway, that's that. forgive me if you don't hear from me forever.
i'm supposed to be paying bills that way they don't get forgotten.
i better get it done so i can lay back down!

progress

2009-04-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

i'll try and spare you all the gory details of the last few weeks of pregnancy.

i had my 36 weeks check up yesterday.
i'm dialated at 2cm
a little over 1/3 of the way efaced
the dr still wants to induce - as do i.
i wasn't sure at first that i did, b/c the labor is harder-but with the epidural it shouldn't really matter. inducing is just so much more convenient. we can arrange child care for teege and make sure that big TJ is home for everything.
the dr told us we could induce as early as the 23 or the 29th. we picked the 23.that's 2 weeks from today! ACK!
the dr doesn't think-based on my examination yesterday -that we won't make it to the 29th without her coming on her own. (which wouldn't be a bad thing. the 23 is a tad bit early -2 weeks anyway- but if we go with the 23 then TJ won't have to go back to work the day after he gets home from being going so long.he can just be at home with us, making the mad dash to stock the freezer and clean the house and make sure we have all the things we need before we go in to have the baby)

the fun part of yesterday:
ok so when the dr's go in and examin things and see if you've made any progress toward delivery things can get irritated.
after my appt mom and dad packed us all up(me,teege, the dogs) and brought us back to their house for the easter weekend.) we'd been here for a few hrs when i started having some significant discomfort. (great. the baby's going to decide to come and i'm an hr away from the hospital and there's no way that TJ would be able to come home b/c he's not done with school)
i went to rest on the couch, thinking that if i relaxed so would my contractions.
i've had millions of contractions already. it's something that your body does to ready it's self for labor. when i asked several months back now if the 'practice contractions' were supposed to be more frequent and uncomfortable with a 2nd pregnancy i was told it was normal. not to worry unless i was having any kind of pain or more than 6 of them an hr.
so i've been going about my business all this time just kind of ignoring them.only stopping to pay attention when my legs would hurt or i'd feel like i couldn't breath for a few seconds.
yesterday that all changed.
i had 9 contractions -with some back pain- in less than an hr.which means that most of them were about 5 minutes apart -hint hint-this is when they tell you to go to the hospital-and then there was one that was 10 minutes apart and the next one was 8. at this point i called the clinic.
i knew to expect cramping and achiness for the rest of the day after my appt.but this was crazy. it was very similar to when i went in to active labor with teege, only not as unbearable.
the dr said this: "if you're just too uncomfortable then by all means go to l/d and i will meet you there. or you can put your feet up for an hr or so, drink lots of water, and see if things slow down first. if you get to l/d and they hook up all the machines and start to monitor your activity and the discover that your dehydrated the first thing they're going to do is make you drink water anyway to see if things calm down.then you'll be sent home if it works and then you'll just be frustrated"
so i handed teege over to my parents and sat back down with LOTS of water. and after about an hr and a half things were almost back to normal. a few small easy contractions an hr.
the thing is -it can take your body weeks to go from prelabor -where you have all those easy contractions that 'get things ready' for active labor- or it can take a matter of hrs. to be that uncomfortable and have made that much progress since my last appt i was afraid to go to l/d for fear that i had made even just an ooch more progress. if they decided i was in labor they would have to try and stop it. i'm not having this baby without my husband here.not if it can be helped.
so since i was an hr away and didn't want mom and dad to have to drive me all the way back and bring me all the way back to their house once we knew it was a false alarm was more than i wanted to deal with.
so things are better. i'm still a bit uncomfortable, but that's just the price you pay i guess.

i'll keep you posted.
i have another appt next wednesday.
over the next 2 weeks i have to get the house ready and make up a few meals for the freezer.get some cleaning done, some bottles washed, find my breastpump and get it steralized......and hope that in the meantime i don't throw myself in to labor by overdoing it. and do the little luxeries i want to have done before i go to the hospital like get another pedicure, get my eyebrows waxed, get the dog to the groomers -just b/c to my still pregnant nose he still stinks.
i'm just going to take it one day at a time.

and it will be alright.

sweet berry farm II

2009-04-06T17:27:00.000-07:00

heres the rest of the pictures i was telling you i coudln't get.
it appears that when i am logged in to my email thru microsoft outlook i can't right click and "save pitcure as" -BUT if i go in to my email thru MSN i can.
wierd.
so here they are.
the ungracefully bent over butt in the air pics of me gatherin up yummy ripe berries.
and i am SO SORE!
i wans't aware the i was smashing the baby in to my pelvic region while doing thig -but i did.
and now i pay for it when i need to walk around -which is often.
but it was still worth it!

sweet berry farm

2009-04-06T11:33:00.000-07:00

we went and picked strawberries at the berry farm in marble falls this weekend. we were at the park that morning and mom pointed out that a couple sitting at a picnic table had a berry farm box. i immidiately flipped over the idea! mom and dad went to pick up my niece that afternoon and we kind of thought we may not have time to go berry picking before the farm closed. but we did.
when we got there and got out of the car it was -well- amazing!
the scent of fresh ripe strawberries floated on the cool breeze.
it was like walking in to a jelly factory or something while they were making strawberry jam.
who would have thought that actual fresh sun-ripened berries would have such a sweet smell -almost like artificially flavored strawberry candy!
oh and we got a fresh strawberry lemonade to share too.it was super yummy! ESPECIALLY after being out in the hot.
and teege did great picking his own berries.
he needed a little help b/c his first instinct was to grab and pull the fruit itself, and there was a lot of squishing involved.but he did alright! we did a lot of picking and handing to him to put in the box.
we picked almost 6 lbs of berries in a half an hr.
it was so much fun!
i wish i had more pictures but at some point i just coudln't stop picking long enough to snap pictures!
mom has all of the good pictures of my niece, i can't figure out how to get them out of my email.
it made me miss auntie shades. i kept thinking 'who's missing?" the whole time we were at my mom's this weekend. especially when we went to get berries.she would have had such fun.
i wanted to take teege over to see the horses, but they were way on the other side of the farm from us.
maybe another day.
the blackberries weren't ready yet. they don't get ripe til may. and by then i'll have a new baby.
but i might have mom drive us back out there one more time before the baby comes.it was so refreshing to be out there picking berries.
but i am so glad i live in modern times.
i was so sore the next day from all the bending and then up and down and it was super warm out and i just kept thinking "this is what women back in the day had to endure all the way up to delivering their babies out in the fields! it's hot and sticky and i'm tired of bending down and my belly is heavy and i'm sure i look like a giant hippo out here all hunched over with my butt in the air. but i don't care. this is fun! but i'm glad i don't have to work a farm every day!"
i have a great pic of fat ol' me all bent down trying to pick berries.if i can figure out how to get it saved to my computer out of my email i'll put it up!

an unfortunate event

2009-03-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

i say it's unfortunate b/c it could have been prevented.it doesn't qualify as an "accident" really b/c it could have been prevented so easily.
this mother will never forgive herself. it would be impossible to try.

i called TJ in a complete melt down this evening. barely able to sob out the story below.i'm sure i scared him to death. i'm sure he wondered what i had done to little tj to be stammering thru the following statement:
"all's i can say is that no matter HOW BAD of a mother i ever think i am, no matter how frustrated or tired or annoyed i get with my son, i will always find comfort in knowing that when my child is awake so am i.he is never left unattended."
of course he didn't say i was crazy or upset over nothing. i'm sure he wondered why i took it so personally to have not even known the family responsible - but our child is around the same age as the one in the story. i know what my sons limits are.as well as his capabilities. and they are great. advanced enough that he needs to be watched at all times when he is awake.

this mother slept while her 18month old son wandered outside into the backyard where there was a pit bull tied up that the family was watching for a friend.(a different news story reported the dog was also pregnant)
the dog attacked and killed the child.
reporters stated "he had been dead for a while when the mom found him."

how does your kid wake up and you not know? i know at this age not all families use a baby monitor but i still do. and i hear every peep teege makes. i can even hear him suck his thumb if the volume is up loud enough.(this boy must have been in a toddler bed and not a crib.teege hasn't even tried to climb out of his crib.i don't see how you would miss knowing that your kid could do something like that though.so he must have been in a regular bed and just got himself up)

but how do they get outside without you knowing? i don't know about most 18 month old, but teege is 17 months and can hardly reach the door knob, let alone turn it. why wasn't the door locked? i wonder if it was a sliding door. that would be the only way teege could open a door was an unlocked sliding door that he could just push aside.

and last off all: where was the mother during all of this? how does your child just start wandering the house without anyone knowing? toddlers are not quiet creatures. he was bound to be babbling up a storm. and probably hungry.teege would have been very fussy/loud to be up all alone with nothing to eat.it was almost the middle of the day.and she was still sleeping. and now her baby is gone forever.i just don't see how much of an accident this really could have been.i'm not saying they set it up or did it on purpose at all, but there are just things you do as a mother to keep your kids safe.random mindless things like locking all the doors.or covering all the outlets.or putting down the lid on the toilet seat.
who are we as parents if we fail to keep our kids safe? what are we?

is my house 100% baby proof? no.but i damn sure don't leave my kid around any open doors unattended.are all my doors always locked when he's up? no. but he's never left in a room by himself. i even drag him to the bathroom with me.
AND if i'm going to leave him unattended for any amount of passable time he goes in his crib with toys, or in his completely baby safe room with the door closed to play, or i put up the baby gates so he is confined to one area before he's officially off my radar. and even then my ears are completely open!!
i don't feel sorry for her. i can't. i'm furious at her. that poor poor baby! there was just so much that could have been done to prevent this. and she can never take it back.

i posted a news link if you wanna read it. there's not much info other than what i already said.
i wonder if she'll get in to any trouble.child endangerment/neglect or anything. seriously, even if your kid can get in and out of his own bed shouldn't they at least be in there with the door closed so no harm befalls them before you know they're awake? teege always goes to bed and the door gets closed. at least that way if he does ever decides to climb from his crib he is still confined to his room til he is let out by me.

http://www.keyetv.com/news/local/story/Mother-slept-while-Luling-toddler-was-mauled/U-nXA1kWuUu4-LlBqDhuVA.cspx

bits of randomness

2009-03-30T08:19:00.000-07:00

i am tired.
scratch that.
is there a bigger better word than exhausted?
when the pregnancy book said i would experience extreme fatigue in the 3rd trimester i just though "ok. so i'm going to revisit the stage where i want to sleep all the time."
wrong.
it's like extreme muscle exhaustion.
my arms and legs and well, everything! burn and ache like i just had the worst most vigorous workout at the gym with no fuel in my system and then went home and cleaned the entire house. everything feels like a dead weight when i try and move. mom said something about maybe trying and eating a bit of red meat b/c we mostly eat chicken around here -just personal preference when i'm only cooking for myself -it's easier than say grilling a steak. yesterday i made spaghetti-the protein enriched kind- and meatballs. i did notice quite the boost.so i guess i will add to my grocery list some kind of little fillet thing that i may be able to broil in the oven.

i finished The Wizard Heir. (those books by cinda williams i'm sure you've read about on shades blog. they are so good there's no way she would have failed to mention them!) I have the 3rd book 'Dragon Heir' on hold at the library. it was a 10 day wait. i sure hope whoever has it is a fast reader!!! i wonder what i can scan in the meantime.i'll have to drag something down off the shelf .

i've printed the packing list for the hospital when i go in to delivery. it's coming up so close now.i imagine i'll just throw stuff aside bit by bit til i'm ready to pack it all up.last time i really hated all of the 'after delivery' pads and undies the hospital gave me. though i had taken my own i didn't feel like dragging them out so i suffered in those giant diapers -the nurse actually wanted me to wear 2 stuck down side by side! talk about ew! and the ugly mesh panties. i never felt like they stayed on even though they were huge!!

we played outside with all the neighbors yesterday. i called crazy neighbor to come and help blow bubbles. some days she can be quite pleasant. it's her little boy that's getting my nerves at the moment. he's so prissy and bratty. his only childishness shows. it radiate out from him like some kind of repellent. he just exudes bulliness. anyway we were all cleaning up his mother said he needed to help and he said ' no thanks. i didn't drag all this out.'
she just let it go. didn't say anything to him like 'well you participated so you need to help." or 'your the oldest and need to set the good example by helping anyway so pick up'. he was twice the age of the oldest small kid out there. he'll be 10 this summer!
another time he was playing hide and seek with one of the girls and when she went to count he just went in his house.
and his tone of voice when he would talk to them. don't get me started on that! he talked down his nose to all of them! though he did stop and draw one of the girls a bunny with the sidewalk chalk.
oh, and he kept telling his mom 'i need some privacy!" and she would say."well go inside' and he would say "i want to play outside!"(which he never does!) and she told him "well if your going to be outside then you have to expect to encounter other children. that's just the way it is my little only child"
he doesn't play well with other kids. at all. he drags out all of his stuffed animals and hoards them all. not sharing when others want to play but having plenty to pass around. he just teases them with it. i've told him before he has to share or take them in.
but at some point it's the responsibility of the parent to teach their kid how to play well with others. to share and be nice and treat others like you would like to be treated.it becomes bad parenting when it is so obvious that your kid spends so much time alone that at this much of an older age he just can't cope with being around other kids.
it's her fault he's that way.
she's never made him share. she still chooses not to drive so she doesn't take him to school functions or games or public parks so he can be around kids his own age.they don't go to church.no socialization there. you have to be proactive in your kids life up to a certain part. you have to teach them to play well and share and how to make good friends. it's very annoying that she blames his attitude on everything but herself.
she was complaining the other day that he was such a good not picky eater when he was a toddler and then one day he just started wanting to play instead of eat and then when he went back to eating he wouldn't have any thing to do with anything healthy and it just gets worse. i told her at that point it's your responsibility to make your kid eat what they need to eat. even if it's just a matter of ' take 3 bites of each and then you can be done' ,but don't let them down from the table before.you're still holding authority at that point. she's lost all hold on him as his mother. it's sad. she didn't like hearing this and said that her dr told her that so long as he was drinking milk and juice he was fine. at some point that all just becomes empty calories. how can a child sustain on milk and juice and gold fish crackers? she admits she kept crackers and cheerios available to him at all times. we still don't really do a snack time unless it's obvious he's starving! and then most of the time it ruins his dinner and he doesn't eat good. that was the mistake she made, allowing him to have only what he wanted when he wanted it.to this day she still lets him eat like that. it's poor parenting. if you start that in one area of their life they're going to try to take over and get their way in other areas.

i guess i should be glad she lives next door to me. atleast i have learned that what NOT to do with my kid.

what else??????

i guess that's really all for now. it's almost lunch time so i best start thinking about what we're having.

notes to self:

2009-03-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

do not run while pregnant. (i took 2 bounding steps -try as i may i couldn't actually 'run'- after Teege yesterday.he was going as fast as he could over to the neighbors yard -where i had already 'borrowed' toys off their front sidewalk -which i have permission to do.) i didn't want him over there, only by the time i managed to ooch myself up out of my lawn chair he was already gone. so i tried to run after him. and i am paying for it. who would have thought it would hurt so bad? there are obviously bones between my legs i had no idea existed.and they hurt.
the weather man is always wrong.(well, last night they were pretty close to predicting exactly how/when/who the hail storm was going to hit) but today on the noon news they were detecting thunderstorms well off to the south of the area and that all was calm locally. right after the news ended we had quite a few large booms of thunder and a nice rain shower -which is still falling.
i have located all of the bottle parts/milk storage containers that i need for baby's arrival.they just need to be ran thru the dishwasher.which i will do closer to time for her arrival.
i have washed atleast half of the baby clothes we've aquired from friends and neighbors for new baby.that's going well. again, it's a little early for that b/c now they are going to smell like musty old dresser when i put them on her. but i don't care. they will still be clean.
the reason why i have been suffering so over the last week is b/c -tadah! baby is head down already! AMAZING! the dr said there was a chance she could flip back up still,and that it didn't mean she would come any earlier than ds did(1 week) but that was why i had this enormous out break of hemeroids! (and had to pee literally every 10 minutes.and couldn't sleep.and couldn't sit comfortablly.)i have never had them! and had kind of hoped to avoid them! but after giving birth once and then having a baby sit very low thru an entire 2nd pregnancy i guess it is an unavoidable thing. luckily the dr found it humerous when i said "i finally got the nerve to look with a hand mirror and i thought "well! i have my own personal ball sack!"
teege is teething. AGAIN! come on mollars! come in already! you are making us all misterable!
target registry: i set this up a while back b/c my mother is sending out some kind of birth announcements in april. just a little note to say we are expecting a baby girl in may and if anyone would like to send a gift here's the registry and please ship it to 'their house'. well i went back and viewed my registry b/c there are certain items i am going to NEED before natalie is born. a lot of the stuff that i used with teege was all loaned down to me and i have already given it all back. aside from the boppy. which was also loaned to me. from my sister. how used it a ton, and then i used it a ton, and washed it a ton and it has no shape or hold to it at all. i need a new one. and most of the stuff that i'm going to need/want is 'out of stock' or been replaced or discontinued or whatever. nice. great. i best order her oh so cute available online only diaper bag before it's gone to, b/c i love it so! i guess it'll work out though. i just may have to go online and replace a few of those items.

i guess that's all i know for now. i'm going to go try and rest a bit before teege decides he's going to wake up!

the nursery

2009-03-24T05:27:00.000-07:00

ok ya'll. i did it. i woke up at 5 45 this morning and just couldn't get back to sleep. SO, i thought of you! of course i didn't roll out of bed immediately to take the 'promised pictures' i gave it a good heartfelt hr of trying to doze back off. but my brain was too busy with things i could be doing. so i got up at 6 20.and took these pictures for you.

remember the ugly dresser? this is it before i painted it.

front and inside.
i didn't paint the inside
but it was a mess and i just
had to share.

the top. bleck.

TADAH! the finished project!
ain't it pretty?

there's a swing in the corner i didn't take a picture of. and there's also going to be -eventually- a changing pad on the dresser (it's big enough to dbl as a changing table.) with some white wicker baskets that have black/white gingham liners to put diapers and ointments and lotions in. there will also be a ceiling sculpture eventually. i have it, but i'm not allowed to stand on a ladder, so my dad is coming to hang it up for me. i wanted that rather than a mobile for the crib. it's just butterflies and dragon flies suspended at different lengths from what looks like fishing line and it hangs from a hook in the ceiling. figured we'd get about as much use out of that as a mobile -which wouldn't be much - and it was WAY prettier. i can always buy something to hang on the side of the crib that plays music and makes lights that she would like better anyway. it's not something that would be used til she's more in the like 4 month mark anyway.

and there you have it.
it's pretty much all done! the dresser drawers do need to be lined. so i can't wash any clothes and put them away til that is done.but that's really the only major pressing thing left to get done.

hope it was worth the wait.
sorry it took me so long to get them up!

quick note

2009-03-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

i am supposed to be taking a nap. or reading.doing some form of resting anyway.
but i just had to get this off my chest:
don't you think that luke grimes would have made a way better edward than rob pattinson?
i know. i'm well used to the idea of the current edward anyway. and grimes certainly seems to resemble pattinson in some form or fashion - it's either the hair or the smile or both. he's been playing on 'brothers and sisters' lately and i love him! don't know why i've never heard of him before now!
i'm going to go buy the movie soon. i just have to wait til payday to do any unnecessary spending. though i do need a loaf of bread b/c the dog ate mine- again. the whole entire thing. right out of the pantry. why can't he ever go after the chips?? we always have plenty of those! he must not be able to smell thru the chip bags.

sorry i've been so out of the loop.

i know i promised you pics of the nursery. i havent' forgotten. i'm just tired. and sometimes when i think about going in there to take them i'd just rather sit down!
there only 6 weeks left before new baby is here. and we recently found out that the last 10 days of TJ's school aren't mandatory so he should be home more like 3 weeks in advance of my due date, not just the one. if it was just the one he'd never have made it!

i'll try and update more later!!

for crying out loud!!!!!

2009-03-03T08:02:00.001-08:00

i feel so wasted!!

i feel so used!!!!

jason - the stupid bachelor - made his pick last night between melissa and molly.
he picked melissa - YAY! i was so happy!! she was my favorite! i thought she was perfect for him in every way! as did he! he told her she was everything he had been looking for.

then in the "after the final rose" hour - the 3rd hr of the final episode last night -he dumps her!

are you friggin kidding me???? i just spent 2 hrs every monday night glued to the tv for weeks!

he said he still had feelings for molly and needed to let melissa go b/c he wanted to persue them.

he did say that their chemistry had changed over the last several weeks since the filming of the show and that things didn't feel right to him. but rather than talk to melissa about it and fight for her he just decided he'd better see if molly would take him back so he could know whether or not he made a mistake. a big factor in this in my opinion: they still weren't living in the same town yet. they weren't even in the same state. they weren't getting to see each other really. they went straight in to a long distance relationship after getting to spend months(i'm sure) of time together.

WOW! i was floored! and put out! and down right mad! that my time was wasted. right after the 'happily ever after' of it he changed his mind!
and there's a whole nother episode of 'after the final rose' tonight. i guess to recap what happened with him and molly b/c -
guess what!!!????
she took him back!
of course she did. she was still in love with him.
i would feel so played at this point if i were her. if i were either of them!
he said he loved 2 women.
he chose who he thought was best suited for him and his kid.
and then molly ragged on him about making a mistake when he let her go and he said "all's i can say is i think you're wrong"
and now he wants her back b/c he can't stop thinking about her.

thank God it's only tv! and i wasn't ditching important things to watch the show.

a happy weekend, and an egg-celent situation!

2009-02-16T09:39:00.000-08:00

this weekend was nice.
it was good to have TJ home. he showed early. WAY early!
i was expecting to have to get thru the whole day friday before he made it in. i called him around 8 30 to see if he'd left yet. i got no answer.i just figured he had his radio blasting while he was cruising down the road and hung up.
he called back about 10 minutes later.
they started letting ppl sign out at midnight thursday.
he was 20 minutes away from home.
of course this resulted in my scarfing my breakfast and running around like crazy trying to wash my face and get dressed and do the bit of kitchen tidying i had left undone last night.
he had been driving all night - which made me nervous to hear. considering he had been up since 4 30 that morning, AND had never really gone to bed that night. he got like a 45 minutes snooze in, but kept getting woke up by ppl calling and asking him to go to the bar. the last call he got was a friend saying they were releasing ppl for the long weekend.
it was nice to be able to spend all of that day together rather than just the evening. though he did take a nap almost as soon as he got in. and he did go out and buy another pistol that afteroon while tj was napping.
and he managed to come thru on v day! i seriously expected him to forget. which didn't really matter b/c he was going to be HERE and that was enough! just to be able to see him.
i picked him up a nice card and a giant Hershey kiss b/c that's what i do every year.and then saturday morning he surprised me with a big box of chocolates and the bestest card i think he's ever picked out.
at the bottom of the card he wrote "thanks for riding on this journey with me even though sometimes it's bumpy." i wanted to cry. i kissed him and said "it's been a good journey, and i don't mind the bumps. they give us character." and it's true. considering all the bumps ahead - like a 12 month deployment leaving me outnumbered by a 4 month old and an almost 2 year old (God help me!!!)yes i know, ppl do it everyday. and most of them don't know how they are going to manage until they just have to. so no worries!-he sure does manage to make up for all the time he spends away and the stupid inconsiderate idiot things he can do.
ok enough sappy stuff.

here's about the egg incident:
strike 1 was the rock someone threw at the garage door back in july.
strike 2 -the christmas lights that someone smashed in.(poor frosty!)

and now strike 3:

TJ was working on some homework yesterday so i took little tj out to swing. which he didn't seem to be having a good time with, so we went out front where i proceeded to strap him and his stuffed winnie the pooh in the red wagon. we headed up the driveway for a little stroll when i see it.
a big goopy clear blob of "stuff" by my car.
about 5 feet away from said blob i see an egg shell. a smashed flat but not in a gazillion pieces egg shell.
just one. so no one egged our cars.
i shrugged it off.
we stroll down to the neighbors driveway and back up to ours and i notice more goopy clear blob streaked down my tire. but i see no yolk on car or driveway or anywhere. and i really couldn't find any kind of splat place on the paint where said egg may have hit and bounced off somehow....... we stroll up to the other neighbors drive and back again and i decide to ask TJ what he thinks.
we roll in to the garage and i poke my head in the door.
"babe can you hear me?" i holler.
"yeah!"
" so i know if you stick bologna slices on someones car it'll eat the paint but what about egg?"
i hear rustles of paper.
"egg will do the same thing."
"oh........ i think someone may have egged my car but i'm not sure. there's no yellow!"
there's a clatter and scrapping of him pushing his chair back in the kitchen. he appears around the corner.
"well lets just take a look."
we go out and i give him the run down of my discovery. he checked out both cars. all paint was clear of egg splatter best we could tell.
then he pulls out his brilliant thinking cap.
the blob on the driveway - all egg white
egg white streaked on my tire directly in line with said blob.
then he sees drips of dried egg white above the wheel well, under my gas tank door......
dun dun dun!
he throws open the gas tank door and rips the cap off and.....
"and there it is!!!.....(long string of profanity) .....the sorry mother fuckers! i'm calling the cops!!" (i rarely witness any kind of outburst like this from my husband. it's almost unheard of!)
the egg yolk was sitting in my gas tank.
thankfully there is a flap covering the mouth of the tank once the lid is off so we were able to scoop out most of the egg.whoever did it was in a hurry b/c no one stuck anything down the flap to get the egg all the way inside the tank.(my ex husband's buddies put sugar in my gas tank years ago when i decided to divorce his sorry behind. that was a big mess. totally ruined my car! we had to have the whole engine rebuilt. i was afraid of the damage an egg might cause. what if it cooked and clogged something??)
an officer came and took a report. (i checked the neighbors cars and driveways while cop and TJ were talking. they didn't touch his truck. just my car.)he said we were among a list of several calls that day already for the same problem. and that there had also been a call from some kid reporting suspicious persons tampering with other ppls cars. gave a description and an address of where he thought suspicious person lived.
my car should be fine.our neighbor who is a mechanic said he couldn't' see any problems, as did the officer.so we added fresh gas and took it for a good drive. picked up locking gas caps for each vehicle. warned the neighbors..........
TJ stayed in a mood for hours.
"all's i wanted to do was come home and have a nice weekend and do some catching up with my wife and my son!"
(he had spent most of saturday afternoon running around town trying to find someone to fix his phone. he has a black berry. this is his 2nd one.he's already had one replaced with buggs in it. not his one messed up to and he was going to make sure they fixed it THIS weekend! b/c he wasn't waiting.turns out the new one they sent him to replace his old one -the one that had quite working saturday - they sent to him a refurbished one, not a brand new one like they were supposed to. like he paid for! it would have been 50$ for a used one. he paid 100$ for a new one.....anyway, that got fixed finally. and then the egg mess. he just wanted to spend some nice quiet time at home - it's just the way life happens sometimes.)
i asked him if he was so bothered by it b/c it made him afriad to go off and leave us again.
"no. not really. no one's done anything to put ya'll in danger. it's just that i have worked my ASS OFF to obtain all the nice things that we have and it pisses me off that someone comes in and screws with it!"
and that was really all that was said about it.

TJ's grampa did finally pass away around midnight last night.they took him off life support on Friday.he had been talking to his mom and brother off and on this weekend,he would always sush us or go outside to take a call. he told me he hadn't told them he was at home b/c his mom would make him feel obligated to make an appearance or guilty for not going down to the tx/la border to see everyone. so he just didn't tell her he was home.
she called my cell at 12 29 to tell me the news.i slept right thru it. then she called the house at like 1 15- where TJ accidentally answered the phone b/c he was half asleep. she didn't act surprised. maybe she was in shock and thought she called his cell.
anyway,TJ said he was sad for his mom, but that he didn't feel the need to attend the funeral or go up there and be with her (besides that he would have to take emergency leave to go down there and then would be in a bind with trying to finish school if i went in to labor early and he had to take more leave.)

crazy neighbor:
something i forgot to tell ya'll earlier on: we were talking several days ago and she wanted to know why TJ was driving home this weekend, wouldn't it be faster to fly?
no. it's cheaper and faster to drive b/c all the flights that leave OK go to GA(or somewhere) first, not straight to tx. we figured this out a while back when trying to brew up an emergency plan if he had to get home in a hurry - it would take the same time if not longer to fly.
"well, i kind of have a suspicion that he's going to miss the birth of this child anyway. so you might should be prepare yourself that he won't be there and make a back up plan for someone else to sit with you thru the delivery."
and who asked your opinion??
i am very aware he might miss it! we discussed it before we were ever pregnant! we made a decision to do it anyway!
she can be so tacky without meaning to be.

today she called right after TJ left. she must have been watching out the window to see when he was gone. i told her he was leaving today. she said she'd call and check on me.
she hasn't gotten over treating me like i'm having a nervous break down every time he goes somewhere.she's been like this every since we moved in 5 years ago.
he comes and goes so much that it's kind of 2nd nature now.aside from the slums that i've been in from time to time b/c i'm pregnant, it doens't feel strange when he leaves for long periods of time. it bothers me. but i'm kind of in a routine now and feeling more established and it's easier to find something to do around the house rather than sit and cry (which is what i did do before i had a child who took up most of my attention and time anyway)
so she called. i was on the phone with my mom and didn't switch over.
i called her later on. no answer. left message.
she calls again at 12 30 when i'm on the phone with my mom, again (i had asked her to look at jammies for tj (who won't leave his zippers alone and undoes his sleepers nearly every night!and she was calling me to tell me what they had) i didn't click over again.
she calls my cell phone.
i didn't answer that either.
she knew i was here. and if the machine doesn't pick up it's b/c -DUH! i'm on the phone!
she calls the house AGAIN!
this time i put my mom on hold and answer the line saying "are you having an emergency!?"
stutter and stammering and then "kind of. we're waiting on a play station to be delivered and my husband wants to go to lunch but the package has to be signed for and we don't want to miss it so if you were going to be home i was wanting to put a note on my door for them to deliver it to you." all in one breath! impressive. i must have scared her.
i should have just not answered and told her later i was on the phone with the insurance company or something -but it's a holiday so that wouldn't' have worked.
"that's fine. i'll be here."
"ok. thanks. so how are you doing?"
"i'm fine. but i'm on the other line so i have to go."
that is in no WAY an emergency of any kind!
they have a WII and a nintendo game cube and another play station already.
ah well. it's not like i wasn't going to be here anyway.
i guess i better wash my face in case i have to answer the door.

more stuff

2009-01-07T08:20:00.000-08:00

this week i have managed to steam clean the carpet in my living room.
my nice new carpet had 4 pets stains on it.
i thought we were over this really, but our little dog goes thru these times where she protests her "daddy" being gone and she pottys on the floor in the middle of the night. sleeping with the bedroom door helps b/c she can't get out of our room and she won't get up -most of the time. but sometimes i have to leave the door open b/c the cats will just cry in the middle of the night to go out or come in.
i actually got all the spots up and the steamed the whole room. it all came clean.
the next morning i went out to start the coffee and was greeted with a nice fresh pile of poo sitting right in the door way to our living room -on my clean carpet. :(

i have also swept and mopped the kitchen and gone thru the 2 boxes of maternity clothes that have been sitting at the foot of my bed for a month waiting to be sorted into piles of "won't fit already" and "too big but can make do til they do fit."

vacuumed my bedroom.
today i'm going to steam clean the carpet in there.

and today the new baby bedding is coming. it's already out for delivery! YAY! i'm going to wash it and put it on! even though i'll have to take it off and wash it again probably b/c i'm sure the door will get left open and the cats will sleep in the crib or i'll just decide it's dusty and needs to be washed again before i can put the new baby. but that can actually wait for a while b/c we'll be using a bassinet for the first months or two in our room.

i guess i'll also be going to target soon to look at the throw pillows and a new dust ruffel.
but that may wait too. i might decide to go see my mom this weekend. it's supposed to be cold this weekend again and i just can never seem to get warm at home when TJ is gone.
it's weird. i know. he's just one of those things that makes me feel cozy. guess that means i'm cold alot.

oh, and David Cook. the new american idol guy from i guess last season or whenever -yeah i don't watch that show either. his single "Light on" i love it! i bought it off itunes this morning. it reminds me of my life a little. i leave a light on all the time when TJ is gone. it's just one of those things......

the bachelor

2009-01-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

anyone watch this monday?

i don't usually watch these kinds of shows. they just kind of annoy me. but i was interested to see how this one goes over b/c of jason being a single dad and all that.

i sat thru the whole 2 hrs. but i wanted to jab my finger down my throat pretty much the whole time.
it was actually a rather lonley experienc b/c i laughed so hard at some of the most stupid stuff that happened but there was no one to make fun of the show with. i only know one person that watches those and i called her but she wasn't watching. i think she's more of a bachellorett fan actually. and way-all these women competeing for this one guys attention and the crazy off the wall things they said - like the dental hygenist chick that told jason he had beautiful teeth! she did! it just kind of fell out of her mouth at the end of the nice long list of all the details she had dug up about him and his family and how GREAT she thought he was! and then at the end she says "jason you have beautiful teeth!" i wanted to die! it i was so funny!

i don't know that i'll keep up with the show or not. i didn't really like any of the candidates he picked to stay on to possibly be his wife.

this year.

2009-01-07T08:08:00.000-08:00

if i was going to have a new years resuloution (i rarely make them. and if i do well, i don't usually remember to stick to them) it would be to complain less.

i gripe a lot.
most of the time it's just for the sake of griping.

i also wish that i were more consistent in my house keeping.
when i worked 40 hrs a week i swept and mopped and vacuumed every saturday and cleaned the bathrooms on whatever half day i had off that week. why can't i do that now? when i'm home all the time?

but i'm definately going to complain less. even if i have to sneak it in in ways that don't sound like complaining.

i am brilliant!

2009-01-07T07:24:00.000-08:00

i am!
i am absolutely brilliant! - when my pregnant brain wants to allow it.
i was talking with TJ last night about the baby shower drama. he agreed that if i don't want one i shouldn't have to have one. and i should be able to request that. he agreed that it's too much hassle b/c i'd probably end up returning most of the items received b/c i am not a sheeshee girl kind of person. i want my little daughter to look like a nicely dressed little girl -not a giant pink meringue.
then we recalled the tiny detail that when MIL threw the shower for me in 2007 it was a coed shower. all the spouses and even some of TJ's single friends were invited. there was BBQ and everything.
so we came up with the following email together and sent it last night.
what do you think?

Hi Linda!
I was talking with TJ about the baby shower in march and we thought it would be a good idea if we did a party for the baby when TJ would be at home and able to attend. I wasn’t really planning on having any showers this time around since this is our second baby.
We thought it would be a better idea to make it a “welcome baby” party in the summer. Maybe in June or July. That way TJ will be able to come and everyone will get to see the new addition.

Love you.
Hope to talk to you soon.

hopefully she isn't offended that i don't want a shower.she's not really that type -or at least she's not the type to show it.
i figure a welcome party will be easier. folks won't feel obligated to buy a gift and i won't have to go thru the hassle of finding stuff to register for since we already did the crib and bedding ourselves.that only leaves the monitor(which my mom said she'd get) and a changing pad and covers -which wouldn't cost us hardly anything.
i'll let you know if i get a response.

sneaky sister in law

2009-01-05T08:22:00.000-08:00

i came home from target yesterday and the first thing i hear is the answering machine beeping with a new message.
first things first: it was nap time so i got teege all settled in his bed.
then i brought in my grocery bags.
i finally check the machine to hear my sister in law hollering my name over the speaker to see if i was home and then say "we're driving thru your side of town on our way home and wanted to see if you wanted to meet somewhere and eat. call me back!"

i give them a good 30 minutes before calling back, hoping they had gone on their merry way thru town.
when i do call back i find that they aren't even to austin yet and she wanted to know if wanted to meet "them" for dinner.(not surea t this point who "them" is) i told her that so long that as i wasn't later than 6 -b/c that's only as far as teege can make it without eating -i'd meet them and she should call me when they got to town.
"well were stopping to see "his" cousin(i'm assuming she means her boyfriend's cousin) and we should be in town around 4. i'll call you after while"
4pm comes and goes.
i had made an attempt to fix myself up for going out b/c i hadn't washed my hair or face all day and kind of looked like hell. so i made myself presentable. which at least made me feel better.
at 5 15 i call my sister in law back. only to get voice mail. leave her a message that i have to go ahead and feed teege b/c he's starving and to call me and let me know where to meet them.
at 6 i finally call my mother in law (they were all at a wedding this weekend but apparently weren't riding in the same car) she had already blown thru austin and hit san antonio to pick up her dogs and was almost home. i chatted with her(which is how i found about the baby shower) and then told her that the others had invited me to dinner but i couldn't' get hold of anyone and i guessed that since it was getting so late i'd just bathe teege and put him to bed. she said "that's what i would do."

sister in law finally called me at 7 49 and apologized. said she got sick at her bf's cousins house and laid down and feel asleep.
i think they all went to dinner with his family instead.
i don't care that they ditched me i just wish she would have called a little earlier and canceled. instead of flaking on me. ah but she is only 18 - or is it 19?-
i always have to remember this.

i have no guts

2009-01-05T08:05:00.000-08:00

i don't want to have any baby showers.

i know this one is a girl. but standarad protocall -atleast in my family -was only one baby shower given for the very first baby had by each aunt,cousin,sister,etc. after that that was it. it didn't matter if the next kid was a different sex or not. one baby shower was it.

TJ's family -oh they want to throw a baby shower for everyone they know who is having a baby no matter how many kids they already have.

my neighbor is giving me all of her little girl stuff. her youngest daughter is 5 months old -that's plenty of space between our kids to allow for passing down items.
all of the baby showers i had when i was pregnant with Teege i got the same stuff over and over and over again: blankets and 0-3 month onesies. a few scattered outfits here and there for as he got older.and the the folks that were really smart bought me things like bath stuff and towels and diapers and a high chair and little sick baby care kits,etc. usefull things like diaper rash cream and vaseline and safety ear swabs(those are VERY HANDY BY THE WAY!)but mostly blankets, and onesies. and to be honest, i kind of hate onesies, atleast after they hit a certain age. after they're like 6 months old it's easier to pull a shirt on for me. do you know how much stuff i took back? i had over 400$ in store credit that i stashed away for diapers. i guess i could do that again.
and it would only be 1 shower. and there are a select few things i need. maybe i'll ask them just to give us money. that settles the hassle of returning stuff i don't like or won't use.and i can go get my own stuff. but if there's one thing i noticed about all of my showers(the 4 or 5 that i had before) last time was that hardly anyone buys anything off a registry they just get you what they think is cute.
i know. i'm guilty of it myself b/c i'm too lazy to look up someones registry most of the time.
but the items i need are the expensive ones like a multi child baby monitor system(that's a whopping 150.00. really,who would buy that??)

anyway, my mother in law told me last night that they were looking at the last weekend in march for my shower. it would be in seguine. almost 2 hrs away from me. and no one i know would come (besides my mom and my sisters and maybe my nana) b/c like i said before, no one on my side of the family agrees with hosting a shower every time someone is pregnant. which is fine with me. and i don't keep the same company i did when i was working -i've lost touch with all of those girls pretty much - and even if i hadn't, no one would drive that far.
i guess i could ask for a compramise like -why don't we have it at my house - or something like that. (oh, and i guess they didn't ask me to pick a date b/c they either thought i wouldn't or they figured since i wasn't working i just happened to be available that day.....)
the last shower they threw me was a flop anyway b/c my MIL lived out in the middle of BFE and it was a 4 hr drive and on one came, aside from the few stragglers who always attend family functions.
atleast she's closer this time.
i just didn't have the heart to tell her i wasn't planning on a shower this time around.

i kind of wish i had.

harry & david

2009-01-04T12:41:00.000-08:00

my mouth is watering!
it's beyond that! my taste buds are SCREAMING for more chocolate covered fruity goodness!

we went to target today. harry & david chocolate covered fruits are sold there. displayed in their fancy boxes amongst all of the other delectable chocolates. i paid 4$ for a box of chocolate covered blueberries, cherries, and strawberries.
there is a harry/david store in the mall across town. we don't go in. for 2 reasons: a)TJ doesn't think chocolate and fruit should mix and b)the stuff is very expensive.
oh but they are beyond wonderful!!
i have to find a way to hide the rest, stashed away somewhere where i will hopefully forget i put them. so that i won't devour the rest of them this very second.
i would like to have some left for later.
or tomorrow even.

ah, but don't be deceived. the box they come in is a nice size. but the bag that confines them inside the box is rather small. and berries are expensive anyway. so why i was surprised i'm not sure.
i counted:
3 strawberries (these are rather large.)
4 cherries
and about a dozen blueberries or so.

i was miffed for only the few seconds it took me to open the bag and pop the first blueberry in.
after that how much i paid and having so little to show for it did not matter.
i will do it again.

soon.

a list

2009-01-04T07:51:00.000-08:00

yes, for those of you who don't know yet, teege started walking. i was griping at christmas b/c my cousins son is 2 months younger than teege, has twice as many teeth and toddles along like he's been walking all his short little life. 3 days later teege took his first steps.
sadly there is no video yet. it comes and goes in such short spurts still that it's not easy to capture.
here's how it happened:
TJ was sitting in his recliner watching football.
i was lazily sprawled out on the living room floor kind of playing toys, kind of sleeping, kind of watching whatever football game was on. and teege was happily cruising 'round and 'round the coffee table like he was on a mission to get somewhere.
i open one of my eyes to peek up at him and see what he was up to, and he's coming straight at me, doing this Frankenstein walk towards me -about 4 full steps -and then falls right on top of me.he won't ,however, walk when placed on his feet from being held.
he prefers to pull up on something on his own (mr. independent) and then take off. if he is already standing he will walk to someone if asked, but there are times when he just takes off -sometimes in dangerous directions like from the coffee table over to the fireplace. our hearth is the kind that is one row of bricks -that sit directly on the floor, so they make a little step. as of right now i hate them! but have no idea how to make them less dangerous. i do have a rather thick flannel body pillow that is serving as padding. til he gets steady on his feet that may have to do.

TJ left for OK yesterday evening. he stopped and had dinner with a buddy in dallas and ended up spending the night. once he got to where he was going this morning he discovers that he can't check in to his new residence until 3pm. had we known this he would have just stayed home an extra night. POO!

we still haven't decided what to do about me going up there this month. bottom line: this phase of school is the toughest. it's all class room. no field work. though there will be live fire practices -which any visiting families can attend. anyway, it's FA(field artillery) which means that almost all of the stuff he is learning is involved with calculus in one way or another. this part of OBC has the highest failure rate - and if he fails, he doesn't get to come home and go back when this part of the course repeats itself. he has to stay. finish up the course. and start over. i guess this helps guarantee one passing the 2nd time around.
which means........
he won't be home til september ,just in time for him to deploy. no coming home for the birth of our new baby girl (which i had a dream turned out to be a boy last night.WOW! i just remembered that!)
so please pray that it's not as hard as it sounds.
TJ is very smart. he's like a sponge. he has the great ability to soak up information around him and never forget it. he knows things that i don't remember anything about! i don't have a doubt that he can't make it. but he does. he really wants to pass the first time.
which is why i may not go up and visit.
my dr is fine with it. she just warned me that i would have to stop a lot more b/c of having teege with me and being pregnant. and that i'd feel very crampy and aggrivated. she said i could fly if i wanted to. it wouldn't be worth it b/c i'd have to check a play pen and a stroller and all other kinds of shit. and i just think us being there won't be worth it for many reasons. most being of the nature that even though we'd see TJ in the evenings, he will be studying like MAD! and there are several social events this phase - he had to take his CLASS A's and his DRESS BLUES - and i couldn't go as his date b/c i wouldn't have anyone to leave teege with.
he's already considering just coming home for whatever 4 day holiday he gets this month(presidents day is it?)

the crib is all put together and looking beautiful! we ordered the bedding and it should be here no later than wednesday.YAY! all the furniture in there is rearranged how it should be -the nursery is dbling as a guest room b/c we had to leave the full sized bed in there for company.
so now i just have to paint the dresser really.
after we put our lovely brand new black crib together i noticed how really bad beat up that black dresser is.
it's a very sturdy dresser. i don't think a tornado could tear the thing apart. but it is beat up b/c it is from TJ's childhood days. nothing a fresh coat of glossy paint can't fix.

and i need to get the drawer pulls that match the bedding theme. which at one point i know i saw them for sale for 20$ for a set of 2. your kidding!!i would need 2 sets! all they are are simple red butterflies. i was going to check out home depot and places like that for something similar, but then found the same drawer pulls on amazon for half. so it'll work out fine.
the dresser has 6 drawers but only the top 2 have handles. the others have a lip that curls out at the top -simply grab and pull. i may stencil something on a few of those. well see how adventurous i feel when i get to that.

oh, and the bed that is staying in that room. yeah. it needs some serious redecorating. we have a Texas comforter on it with matching sheets and a blue dust ruffle.this room was serving as TJ's room/office so it had all of his stuff from his apartment before we got married(the hall bath matches) and there are 2 things on the wall that will have to stay if i can't find a place to hang them elsewhere.but it wouldn't be the end of the world if they stayed.
i've already told TJ i'm redoing the bed. the comforter is horribly faded and old. which makes it very nice and comfy! but it has to be changed. for the sake of it being a little girls room i just have the horrible urge for EVERYTHING TO MATCH!
i have a down comforter in the closet with a cream colored duvet on it that will fit that bed. i'm thinking i'll use that and pair it with some red throw pillows and a new red dust ruffel. red that matches the crib of course.once the bedding comes i'm headed to target with the crib sheet stuffed in my purse so i can match fabric colors.and throw pillows and a new dust ruffle won't cost that much.i don't have expensive taste. i was going to buy new sheets too, then decided that was plain silly b/c we have plenty of spare sets of sheets and they'll be covered up anyway so who cares if they match.
TJ was teasing me about having $ signs in my eyes the other day when i was planning all this b/c his pay raise is finally taking affect either this pay period or the next - and it's a rather healthy change in his paycheck. plus all the back pay from sept. that we've been waiting on(it took them almost 5 months to change his orders and his rank status.which i though was redicilous.
some of that money can afford to be spent. it's not like i've been waiting to purchase a 4o0$ pair of shoes - it's going towards the new baby! i bet i can manage to dress up the new bed AND fix up the dresser for 100$. less than that hopefully. much less than that.
and then of course we still have to pay off the stupid carpet we had put in.
and after that, we plan on living off of what he was normally bringing home before all these changes were made, and saving half of his raise, and putting the other half on the stupid charged up credit card we have.

oh, one more thing:
i'm on my amazon tirade again. and i know that ya'll probably don't really care about this, but having a stinky diaper pail stinking up the house no matter how much bleach you pour in it is terrible!i had to have a new one -especially since i'll have 2 kids in diapers before long anyway.
so,
i had decided to invest in a new diaper genie. the one we had was my sister in laws- she used it on 2 kids- and it was the very first model ever made - so it was old. and stinky. very stinky!
we've been using it for over a year(which means it had been serving it's purpose for at least 7 years, and serving it well) when one day i just couldn't get the stink out. teege's room smelled of dirty diapers all the time! i bleached and bleached the diaper pail!i put it in other parts of the house and it just stunk to high heaven! it had those special bags that were supposed to hold the scent in and once placed in the pail you twisted the lid and the bag sealed itself off.
i checked amazon first b/c though i have had my moments where i have choked on how much more they were selling an item for than another place i have still found mostly good deals in my amazon shopping days.
the highest end model of the diaper genie - the one that is hands free and has stuff built in to the plastic to help trap odors -they had it on amazon for 100$.
"well i guess i just won't buy one. we'll just start carrying all the diapers out to the dumpster at the end of the day."
the following day i was at walmart.i decided to check and see how much they carried it for. and i bought the same model diaper genie for 40$. and target had it for the same price.
that's a 60$ difference plus shipping. i just couldn't get over it!
and now my house smells happily like, well, house now. instead of poo.
Yay for me!

a healthy dose of reality

2008-12-30T17:33:00.001-08:00

remember all that stuff i had to get done before tj goes back saturday? well most of it's done now.

but that first day, when i was stressing over getting it all done and teege was throwing one of his wild fits and TJ was trying to fix the washing machine b/c it had decided to break after we fixed the dryer - i dropped a whole jar of pickels on the floor.

an entire jar of baby kosher dills! glass and pickle juice went everywhere!

i had to put aside everything else on my to do list so that i could sweep and mop my entire kitchen(which is not small) so that my whole house would no longer smell like vinegar and garlic and i wouldn't wonder if i got up all the glass before i turned teege loose on the floor.

i guess fate just felt like i need to see that no matter how much stuff i had to do,there would always be stuff to do, and some things are more important -like spending time with the ones we love - than getting everything done.

we've gotten lots done since then. a little at a time.and though we still haven't had a single lazy day, we've atleast done chores together.

but the pickle thing really pissed me off!

ramblings

2008-12-29T08:34:00.000-08:00

there is so much to do! before TJ leaves on saturday. it's making me crazy. we have not had one single lazy day since he came home so far. and it makes me angry.

we need to get all the christmas decorations down and put in the attic. if i weren't pregnant i'd manage it myself. but it's just not safe to carry boxes up and down a ladder right now!

the crib needs to be put together.
we bought a crib last night. and the mattress. it cost us a whopping 508.00! ouch! the crib was 330.00 and the mattress was like 140.00. the cheaper cribs all had the drop down side-which is not very safe. and they didn't come in black. the sales woman nearly threw a fit at us when she discovered that not only did they not have any of our first choice in stock, but the other 3 we liked were also the most popular on the floor. but they had one left of my second choice. the last 2 choices were espresso finish -which was very pretty- and that was close enough to black i wouldn't have really cared if i had had to pick one of those.they were cheaper too.
but i'm glad they had the black one. it made me happy.
if we don't get it put together now well, i won't have a room for the new baby when she arrives. TJ's not due home til april 28th. i'm due may 7th, and i doubt this baby cooks for her entire time either, just like teege didn't. and i refuse to be trying to ready a room for the baby after she is here. it would be too much!

we need to put the safety clips on teege's dresser. his room is completely child proof (so that he can play in there without having to hear the word no a single time!) aside from the dresser drawers. the drawers slid out at the slightest pull and they slide closed very easily and he'll either sit there and empty the whole dresser or slam his fingers in the drawers. right now they are tied shut with bungee cords. it's working. but none of his clothes get put away b /c it's a pain to undo the cords. if i didn't have to wield a screw driver or a drill i'd do it myself. but why should i when my husband can? i just have to remind him -again!

we also need to move the computer out of the room we're using for the nursery and set it up in our bedroom. another task i won't be able to manage b/c i don't know the first think about setting up an entire computer system! let alone all the extra fancy gadgets TJ has plugged in.

it's not that much really. til you see how much crap we have!
and teege is so worn out from christmas he's doing all kinds of things he's not supposed to and throwing these tantrums! he's never thrown a fit before! this is day 3 of him throwing these horrible fits when i take something away or put him down for a nap or even lay him down to change his diaper.oh and this morning, he dipped the tv remote in the cat's water bowl. i just couldn't' get there fast enough! we have one of those fancy expensive logitech universal digital remotes. the ones that plug in to your computer and you can program it to do all kinds of crazy stuff besides work all of your tv components like turn the lights off/on or open/close the garage. yeah. it doesn't work now.he dipped the usb end in the water. i guess i could turn all the components off at the system. but then we'd have to reprogram the whole remote. which we may have to do anyway.
teege is just being so rotten and i don't know if i'll ever get thru it! where did my sweet little boy go? he's just exhausted and i feel so bad for him. but every day there's been somewhere else we need to go or something we needed to do and i'm so tired i just feel sick!

anyway, i guess i'll go and try and do something constructive. like feed the dogs and undecorate the christmas tree. i could atleast get something on the list started. while TJ is off running around with his old buddies from work.
he left at 6 30 this morning to run 5 miles with his old boss. then he went to his old office to see someone else. it's 11 am now. and he's still not back.

i sure hope he feels like he didn't get to see much of us when he leaves.

did you know he wants me drive 6 hrs up to OK to stay with him for 2 weeks next month?
yeah. a 6 hr trip. with a one year old screaming in the back seat the whole way. it would take me the better part of 8 hrs i'm sure b/c i'd have to stop and feed him at least twice, and he's gunna get tired of his car seat, and don't get me started on how many trips i have to make to the bathroom lately! natalie sits very low and squishes my bladder and i'm running to the bathroom like every 30 minutes!
i really don't want to do it. he said he might be able to get special permission to come and get us, and to bring us back. but only if those weekends are times when there's no extensive training or testing the following monday. so i guess he doesn't want us to come up that bad. i just don't see how it would work. not easily anyway. and i'm sorry. as much as i love him i just don't think that he should expect that much out of me right now. if teege was a little older i'd do it in a heartbeat.

anyway, teege is supposed to be napping and he's in there still throwing a fit so i guess i better go tend to that mess.

hope you all had a merry christmas. our was terribly busy like always. next year is going to be different. i want to spend christmas at home with me kids. not rushing from my father in laws to my gramas to my moms all in one day. it was too much. TJ will be deployed and i'll have 2 kiddo's to lug around and keep happy. it was hard enough this year with TJ there to help with teege.
i'll have to do something like visit on days leading up to christmas or something like that. or not go to see my grama who has no business having christmas at her house christmas morning anymore anyway.
it was a huge mess! and i didn't get to enjoy it at all. by the end of the day i just wanted to cry b/c christmas was over and i was grumpy and hadn't had a bit of fun.

a tribute to frosty

2008-12-26T11:05:00.001-08:00

a few years back i bought a frosty the snow man to put out in my front yard on the holidays.
the kind that stand up -not blow up - and light up. he was made up of a wire frame, and drizzled on the outside was this hard clear plastic stuff. it was supposed to make him look like he was icy. up close it just looked like dried hot glue.he had a black top hat and a scarf and everything!
over the years he has gotten brittle from spending the summers in the attic.the icy parts of him would break off -the thinner pieces anyway-at the slightest touch.
this morning i went outside on the porch to see what kind of day it was -and found frosty dead!
he had been bashed in, broke in half! by some strangers foot. the worst part : frosty's magic top hat had been taken off and been thrown to the side. it was just so sad. like in the movie. how he'd only come alive if he was wearing the hat.
SOME ONE vandalized my christmas decorations!
we also have a 5 foot fabric snow man that has a stand. he also lights up. and he had been broke off at the base and was laying helpless on the grass. this one tj thinks he can fix. thank GOD! b/c i know home depot has no more and i had already taken one of the new frosty's back b/c it had broken off his stand in the wind! the base just needs to be sautered back to the pole and we can put it back out in the yard.
not that i really want to anymore.
poor frosty.

i just can't believe it. it's kind of a scary thing really : to think that while i was sleeping snug in my bed someone was out there kicking the life out of my christmas decorations.

scrooge must live around here somewhere.

the wheels are turning

2008-12-22T14:56:00.000-08:00

i'm thinking about nursery stuff already!

this is what i had picked out year before last, when we didn't know yet if teege was a boy or girl.
sorry you have to follow the link, i coudlnt' ifgure out how to upload the pictures without having copyright issues.(or something)

http://www.lambsivy.com/newsite/product.shtml?101

we also have a really big ,old, black dresser we're going to use.it's wide enough to double as a changing table, and tall enough too. and this crib set would look GREAT with a black crib! so i may do that. other wise i might just try and paint our black dresser some other color -probably not red b/c there's alot of red in the bedding, but maybe a green color. or cream. if we could find a cream thick enough to cover the black.without having to stain or strip the old paint. we were going to refinish it. then i remembered it would me that would have to do it. and decided not to.

hope the link works so you can see my selection!
otherwise go to lambsivy.com, click on bedding, and look for "secret garden" (it's the 1st set in the 7th row).

follow up post from the drama this weekend

2008-12-22T09:40:00.001-08:00

TJ got home around 2 friday afternoon.
he spent the better part of saturday trying to figure out how to fix the dryer. (which was fixed and then burned up again,and won't even turn on now, all in the same day)

he hoed and hummed all day saturday. seeming to be in a state of complete ignorance or something. i asked a few times "What are you're plans today?" and got a meesley "i'm not sure" response. his brother even left a message wanting to know if he was going to the ceremony.
once he even complained about having to leave no later than 3, and not getting back an earlier than 9. and that's only if he didn't stop for dinner. and left the ceremony right when it ended.

so i spent the day not knowing if i was going to be happy or sad.
we ate a late lunch that day. he jumps up from the table at 2pm and says "i better get in the shower and get ready to go"

i shoudln't have been surprised i know. it was the fact that he put off and put off giving me a straight answer that made me feel that much more irritated with him. he made it look like he might possibly be staying home. and then he gets up and goes.

before he left he came over to me -where i was already happily watching christmas movies and winding garland around my christmas tree.( i let him take me friday to get a tree -mostly b/c it would help me out a ton if i already atleast had the tree. we got an artificial one. on sale. for 55$. pre lit with white lights. it was perfect! and it was the last one!)
anyway, he started snuggling me and giving me lots of kisses. i kissed him back. twice. before i pushed on him a little and said "you just quit trying to be all sweet and cuddly and take yourself on out the door."
his reply was a pouty " but i'm a sweet and cuddly kind of guy"
"so? you're just doing it to try and keep yourself out of trouble>"
he kind of laughs to himself and says "no. i'm pretty sure i'm in trouble anyway."

so he goes. he came back once and i was foolish enough to think he'd changed his mind. he had just forgotten to pick up his phone.

he called at 7 45 to say he was on his way. which would have put him in the front door by 10 or a little before.
at 9 i went and got in bed.
at 9 50 i called to see where he was.
he said he was still an hr away b/c he had stopped in a small town (johnson city), who has a major christmas lights display, to grab some dinner.
here's the thing.
he stopped at Dairy Queen! it's one of the only places in that town to eat.but it's fast food. and he said they were really busy!! b/c everyone from counties away had come to see the lights. and it took a really long time to get his food.

??????

the things that don't make sense:

he was a whole nother hr getting home

i doubt it took him an hr to get his food at a fast food place

and when i called him to find out how far away he was he turned off is turn by turn directions.
he has onstar in the truck and he can get directions sent to his radio and it chimes in every so often with turn here's and take this road. (part of me wonders if he turned it off so i wouldn't really know where he was. and part of me thinks he went to dinner with his family anyway and just didn't want to say that's why he was late.)

but my husband is not a story teller either. or a liar. or a stretch the truth kind of guy.

when he mentioned going to dinner with is family and how late he would be getting home if he did i told him it didn't matter b/c he was already gone.
when he was on his way back i asked him if anyone gave him hard time for running off on his wife and kid the first day he was home.
i got a very snotty "NO! everyone was actually really glad i made it!"
"well then i'm so glad for you that you were able to please everyone else today but me."
after a long silence on his end i told him i was going to bed and would see him the morning.
that was all that was said on the matter.
aside from acting awake enough to ask him to turn off the christmas tree when he came in i pretended to be sleeping.

and my christmas tree is gorgeous! it looks like a page out of a catalog!
i put silver and red glass balls on it and some glass snow man icicle ornaments my mom gave me.there's also a few personal ornaments on it -wooden ones that we've collected over the years.
and the garland i put on is silver and gold wooden beads.
it sparkles like diamonds and rubies!
my tree would not have been so pretty if i had had help. and i'm kind of glad i actually got to create a christmas tree this year rather than cram every single one of the million christmas ornaments we have on it.
i'm proud of it.
it didn't make him feel as lousy for missing out as i had hoped.
but it is the one perfect thing that came out of that messy day.

WE'RE HAVING A.......what?

2008-12-22T09:10:00.001-08:00

went to the dr today

had all the major pictures and measurements taken to rule out any complications.

heart as all 4 chambers.

brain is normal. no excess fluid. no missing pieces.

all the obvious signs of downs syndrom were ruled out. skin thickness at the base of the neck was normal. baby was holding up all 5 fingers at one point - dr was very happy about that. baby has a nasal bone -most babies with downs don't. spine is normal.

everything was very normal.

new baby is healthy.......................

and happy......................

and very wiggly..............................

oh yeah...............

i forgot to mention..........................

IT"S A GIRL!

what? when did this happen?
I am still recovering from the shock.
i was positive i was having another boy. everything, aside from the more noticeable morning sickness a while back, pointed to us having a boy. i would have put money on it. i would have bet my right hand on it -or an eye even.

and i'm having a girl.

the dr checked 3 times, b/c he wasn't even 100% sure at first. by the last peek, he was positive. no doubt about it.

it's not that i'm not excited. i am. but i had enough boy stuff to open a store! all's i would have had to buy was a nother crib. now i have to get all new everything girl! getting ready for the first baby was a very daunting task! i was hoping i wouldn't have so much preparing to do this time. i guess the good thing is that i atleast still remember what to expect with a new born now. the rest of the stuff is just stuff. we'll get it. and i'll find a place for it eventually.
oh, and the mere idea of raising a teenage daughter......makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out.
but we'll manage. it's not like millions of mothers before me didn't face the same trials.

atleast now i can tell TJ i know what i want for christmas. the little girl crib bedding i picked out before we knew last time if teege was a boy or not.(hopefully they still have it)

oh, and the name:
we're still stuck on either natalie joy or elizabeth joy. though i do like emily joy also.
we do both like natalie the best. that's probably going to win! now if i can just get TJ to say something else about the names other than "i like it............i like that one too........i like this better than that".......... etc.

today i....

2008-12-18T18:16:00.000-08:00

unloaded the dishwasher.
reloaded it
made the peanut brittle
unloaded the dishwasher at the end of the day
loaded it again(and ran it, again)
got the bathroom cleaned
managed to get the house vacuumed in spurts
balanced the checkbook
laundry.

laundry is a touchy subject in my house at the moment. i did some laundry yesterday. the first load dried without a hitch. when that was done i went to dry the 2nd load only to discover i had forgotten to clean the lint screen -in a very long time. it had been so long in fact that when i pulled the screen out i thought "wierd. the vent is clean!" moments later i opened the back door to let the dogs in, only to discover that the gobs of lint that had collected on the lint screen had made their way thru the piping (or whatever you call that long accordion thing that comes out the back of the dryer) and had been puffed all over the back yard. and it was misty so of course the lint got all soggy. the dryer doesn't blow hot air now. just cold. whether that is due to my poor maintenance or not i'm not sure. Tj and dad both think the heating element is out which would make sense b/c the dryer is going on 8 yrs old anyway. (i bet i know what i'm getting for christmas if TJ doesn't want to fix it)

back to the vacuuming issues in my house: TJ did a GREAT job today tolerating the noise so long as i WARNED him before i turned it on. this worked miracles. i don't know why i didn't think of it before. I'd just holler out "TJ i'm turning on the vacuum! here i go! weeeeeee!" and off we'd go.if i turned it on without saying anything he would get upset and cry and crawl away to hide. hopefully this will continue to work. otherwise i will let him just get over it on his own and do it anyway (as my dear good neighbor friend, and auntie shades, both suggested today)

tomorrow i have to make a mad dash to my parents house to pick up all of my christmas presents. i had most everything i ordered shipped to their place b/c i was staying so long i assumed it would all come while i was there. it didn't. so tomorrow morning we're going to run down and get it. and come right back.it's the quickest 2 hr trip in history!

little TJ is doing much better today. tons less cranky and not so much coughing. though he still sounds like donald duck when he sneezes. i started giving him baby zyrtec just to help dry him out some. it helped alot with the cough but not so much with his nose. my neighbor suggested dropping his nose with saline. i tried that for the first time tonight. i had to lay him on the floor and pin him down under my leg since i don't have 3 hands to hold him with, but i got the drops in. and i could tell quite a difference. i don't usually notice saline working for me. but i think i'm going to remember to use now it every time he has a stuffy nose.

if you don't hear from me anymore til january have a very merry christmas and happy new year!

a list of things to do

2008-12-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

i need to:

unload dishwasher
re load dishwasher to get the tons dirty dishes out of my sink and to clear the space on the counter where they have spilled out on to.(at least they are rinsed already)
clean master bathroom
change the sheets on my bed
make peanut brittle.(b/c i ate what i brought home from mom and dad's and i was supposed to save some for when TJ got home.i'm kind of afraid of this task actually. it's kind of a tricky recepie. but it sure is yummy!)
i wanted to steam clean the carpets. there are a few stains from the pets where they left us nice presents! and the carpet hasn't been cleaned since it was installed back in the summer and i'd just feel better if it was all fresh.
but first i have to vacuum the house.
but before i can do this i have to figure out a way to get teege over being scared of the vacuum.

this is why my house rarely gets vacuumed as of late.i used to hold him and vacuum. but now, since i can't hold him all the time b/c of new baby if no one else is here to entertain while i vacuum he just cries and screams! even if i put him in one room and vacuum another. he is terrified. i've tried doing it when he's down for a nap. if i wait til he's asleep he just wakes up. and if i put him in his crib and do it right when he goes down he just cries. i guess he thinks the vacuum is getting me!

this morning we sat on the floor and turned the switch on and off. he eventually quit crawling away at top speed. and would sit and stare. i thought we were making progress when he started pointing and saying "brrmmmm brmmmm" every time i turned it off. so i took out the house and turned it back on and showed him kind how it worked. scrubbing at the carpet with it and putting my hand over it so he could hear the sucky sound.

my mistake: i stuck it on his foot. and it sucked up part of his jammies.!!! oh he just freaked out!i didn't even think about that happening! poor kid will probably never get over his fear of vacuums now. any suggestions?

oh, and TJ is coming home tomorrow! YAY! i just hope it's not late. the last time he came in he didn't get here til 10 30 at night. i have a hard time staying awake that long. but i didn't want to be all sleepy and gross when he got here either.

reactions

2008-12-16T05:59:00.001-08:00

i didn't call him last night.
i never got my tea made. besides. i knew he'd call me if i didn't call anyway. i was trying to keep a rational head.

i was stuffing the electric blanket under my comforter before climbing in bed last night when the phone rang.
i answer and am greeted by a cheerful "hey you! how's it goin?"
like he hadn't talked to me 2 hrs ago and new that i was upset.....
"i'm puttin' the blanket on the bed" i mumbled.
"how are you?" (still sounding overly cheerful. his roommates sounded like they were throwing a party! there was tons of yelling in the background. which made me feel that much worse.)
"i'm mad at you but other than that i'm ok."
on the defensive :" why are you made at me? what did i do?"
so i filled him in.told him i didn't think that it was fair, him running off like that and how it didn't really work out well for teege b/c there was too much going on.sure i could stand out side with him the whole time. til it got too chilly. then what?
"but if you want to go you need to know that the rest of us will be staying home. i can find other things to do. me and teege will go get the christmas tree and put it up while you're gone."
"oh babe...." (I HATE WHEN HE DOES THAT!. oh babe, like ' come one you're being ridiculous'
"what?" i throw myself in to bed and start yanking the covers around me. i'm still fairly calm, on the surface anyway.
"i just know how much it would mean to my brother if i make it. i've missed all his big accomplishments b/c i've been gone."
ping - the imaginary pin i had been holding down on my grenade popped up. BOOM!
"that's fine.but you have to remember WHO SITS OVER HERE TAKING CARE OF ALL YOUR CRAP AND WAITING ON YOU TO COME HOME AND YOU CAN'T JUST SAY "HEY I WANT TO GO AND SPEND ALL DAY DOING THIS THE FIRST DAY I'M HOME DO YOU WANNA COME? LIKE THE REST OF US DON'T MATTER!! i'm the one who's been waiting to see you! i'm the one who's delt with more crap and had more going on than any other member of your family and i think we should come first."
i managed to go from calm, to hysterical and screaming, to strangled and crying in less than a minute.
he apologizes a million times while i'm sitting there speechless -shocked at how badly i had reacted and furious with myself for crying! come one! CRYING??
and after all of that he says " well if i don't do it saturday i still have to find some time to go down to work and sign all my paper work. i still have to take time out of one of our days to do that."
at least that wouldn't' take all day....and it's only an hr away. and you could go and come straight back. or we could all go at a convenient time and do a little shopping or something...... on a day when you've been home and we've had a little time to reconnect.

jeeze.
and then i hear "babe, i didn't say i was going, i just said i wanted to go."
he literally had the whole day planned when he mentioned the trip! he didn't ask me what i thought or how i felt about it. he just started from point a and made it all the way to point b like it was a done deal.
he talked some more about "if i go this" and if i decide to go that."
and i finally told him "if you go, i won't be mad. but you need to know that i will feel like you chose someone else over me and our son and that is not ok with me."
his measly response - "ok"
and then before he hangs up he says "please don't feel like i'm choosing him over you. that's not it at all."
how can i not feel like that?

anyway, i'm over it.
i've had my say and he knows that i don't agree. i won't be surprised if he does go. i'll actually be more surprised if he stays home.

i don't believe this

2008-12-15T18:28:00.001-08:00

i am going to be calling dh in a bit to tell him like it is.
i just have to blog about it first.
that way it's mostly off my chest (well, all the ugly stuff i want to say anyway) and i can be nice about telling him NO.

He can't go.

he comes home friday. i doubt he'll be home any earlier than 3 pm -very possibly later.
his brother -the one who has screwed up his life majorly -is having some kind of pinning ceremony (he's a fire fighter and he's been promoted.) the ceremony is 2 hrs away.
it's on SATURDAY! the day after he comes home. at 5 in the evening. he wants to go early so he can go by his armory and fill out all his paper work so we can get his travel pay and family sep. pay. which means probably leaving here at least by lunch time.
i know.
no big deal right?
well the ceremony is 2 hrs long. so it won't even be over til 7. and then there's a 2 hr drive home -and don't forget to factor in that everyone is going to want to go out to eat afterwards.
uh, when do i feed my 13month old his dinner? he can't wait til after 7. oh bed time, that's also at 7. not to mention that he's not old enough to know to sit still and hush. he will be all over the place. he's all over the place when we go to the dr. and he screams bloody murder sometimes if you try and stop him from making a beeline somewhere. I can only take so much mister! me and my pregnant hormonal self are not feeling nice about this. he doesn't realieze that Teege is not so little anymore. you can't just take him anywhere and give him a bottle and he'll go to sleep. he's a go doer and wants to be in the mix of everything.
i just want to scream at him!
you're going to run off to celebrate with your bother THE FIRST REAL DAY YOU HAVE TO SPEND AT HOME AFTER BEING GONE FOR WEEKS! while i have been sitting here at home, all alone, anxiously waiting for you to come back! taking care of ALL OF YOUR CRAP! (yea, he has over drawn his bank account more than once since he's been gone. who always takes care of that? I DO!) and you want to go spend time with your family?!?! the part of your family that is now somewhat extended b/c you have a wife and a kid and a baby on the way??
he said tonight that we could "talk about it more later"
talking about it later isn't going to make me any more happy about it i told him. it wouldn't be a big deal if it were a little earlier in the day and it wasn't his first day back home.
am i being selfish? or is he?
"well he came to my officer pinning ceremony in September and i missed his fire academy graduation and it would really mean alot to him if i could make it."
well i kind of feel blown off. what about what would mean alot to me?

jerk.

we were going to get a christmas tree this weekend! all the good ones are going to be gone! we waited on purpose to get one when he got home so we could do it together. we planned it that way when he was home for thanksgiving b/c there wasn't time to do it then.
AND don't forget his time at home is limited - 2 weeks. and there's christmas to factor in. it's not going to be a leisurely 2 weeks at home as it is. we have to do christmas at his dad's. my parents. his moms. my other gramas. 3 of those are all on christmas day. when are we going to do christmas at our house if christmas is already so jam packed? and don't forget that christmas is not the only time his family is going to want to see him. unless he gets a good pass to come home the next holiday we have after new years(whatever that is. Easter? and that's not a government holiday anyway) he won't be back til the end of APRIL! and you expect me to sit back and happily let you do whatever you want while you're home this time?

choose me for a change damnit. not everyone is cut out to let their husbands leave for months on end to do what they need to do.he's only gotten so far in his career b/c i was able to suck it up long enough to deal with him being gone almost all of the time! we've been married for nearly 6 years.he's been gone off and on for so much of that it averages out to 4 of those years spent away.i deserve a little more respect than just "i want to go over here and spend the whole day doing this the day after i get home.wanna come with me?"
right.

if he wants to go then me and teege will do the christmas tree by ourselves. and he will just have to feel left out. and i won't feel left out that he chose his brother over us b/c i will have a lovely time taking my son to pick out the perfect tree (a small one b/c i won't be able to put up a big one by myself, not a real one anyway. those suckers are heavy!) and it will be decorated so pretty by the end of the day that he will cry b/c he missed it all.

i know. my feelings are just hurt. and my supper was HORRIBLE so new baby and i haven't had much to eat tonight.and my hormones feel like they are wired to electrical outlets and i am going to explode at any moment.

i'm going to make me some tea.
and if i don't feel more rational by then i don't think i'll be calling him to tell him good night,or anything else.
he can call me when he goes to bed and hopefully i will be asleep enough not to reach thru the phone and strangle him.

real quick...

2008-12-15T11:07:00.000-08:00

we went to the new dr today.
she was very nice.
TJ really liked her.
which is more than i can say for his last dr. he'd cry every time anyone was in the room with us.
bottom line diagnosis:
he didn't have any fever while we were there (of course not! why would he act sick at the dr?)
however he did manage to cry hard enough that you could hear how congested and hoarse he is.
his chest and ears are clear, however his nose, is not.
they gave him his 2nd round of flu.
i asked the dr if there would be a problem with him having gotten a vaccine and the possibility of him spiking a fever this evening.
she didn't seem to see any issue with it. (though i did) i didn't think they would have done it at all given the fact that he had had fever in the last 24 hrs) but said that i shouldn't focus so much on him having a fever as i should pay attention to how much he's eating and drinking and if he continues to make tears. but if his fever did come back tonight to bring him back in tomorrow. go figure. dr's don't count anything as a fever unless it's 101 or above.
so she thinks he might have a cold.
that's all she said.
i hate it that they couldn't really find anything wrong with him. but then again i guess it's a good thing that he's not really sick.

off to the DR's

2008-12-15T07:43:00.000-08:00

TJ's been running low grade fever since saturday.
i can't seem to get a good reading.
the butt temp keeps coming out below normal
under the arm says he has a temp of 100.5( that was yesterday morning.) which means i'm not taking his temp right in his behind -or my thermometer is on the fritz.
last night i finally got a good read on the ear thermometer and it showed 100.0
regardless i have just decided he is sick with something and has a fever of some sort.
oh, and he's cutting molars too. if i thought teething was bad when he cut his first set of teeth, well this is a nightmare!

i've been running his humidifier in his room. he sounds AWFUL! in his chest.
i can't tell if he's congested or just going hoarse. sometimes when he cries or is playing and trying to make certain pitches no noise comes out.
but he's got this AWFUL barking dry cough deep in his chest.
he had an appt today anyway for his 2nd round of flu shot. but he probably won't get it if he's sick.
his appt was at 4. but since he's sick i moved it to 10 30.
which means i better go b/c it's 9 46 and i still need to wash my face and brush my teeth so we can get on the road!

wish us luck!
i'll let you know what the dr says.

names for new baby

2008-12-15T07:26:00.001-08:00

before i get started i must say:

VP~ THANK YOU SO MUCH for looking for that crayola item for me. i am so glad you didn't duke it out with the woman -though it would have been a sight i'm sure. i'm sorry she was rude to you. walmart does indeed breed rudeness i'm afraid. i need to go get groceries today and i'm thinking that i may just go to H E B instead,just to avoid the scroogey shoppers.. i appreciate you. you are very sweet!

ok -so on with the story!

we find out a week from today -if new baby cooperates - if we are having a boy or a girl.
here's some of the names we have picked:

girl:
(joy is my mom's name so we want to keep it in the mix as a middle name.)
Natalie Joy - my first pick.
Elizabeth Joy

TJ also likes :
Tiffany (too 1980's for me)
and Tanya (i like it alot!) Tanya Joy sounds great! but we will not be calling new baby "TJ" as well, if we use the same initials.

i also like:
Tasia
Talia
Chloe

Boys:
Boy names are so easy!!!
we both like:
nathan (tj hated this name when i begged for it before Teege was born. but he's all for it now!)
collin
travis
justin
colt

Tj likes:
austin
(i hate it)
i like Carter -TJ hates that.
i like nathan alexander - tj thinks its too much of a mouth full.
we both like:
travis justin
travis colt

i have a feeling if it's a boy - and i still have great suspicion it is - that travis justin will win out on this one. it's the easiest.
and big TJ's real name is Timothy Justin so -him being the daddy and all - both boys will be carrying pieces of his first name. Timothy James and Travis Justin -it has a good solid ring to it.

funny -i'm kind of almost hoping for a girl now -now that we have settled on some good girl names.
i'm really torn! boys are so easy!
hopefully we'll find out easily and i can spread the news!

sleep. what? never heard of it......

2008-12-11T07:06:00.000-08:00

my night in a nut shell.

9:30 pm - i had been in bed for 20 minutes. just long enough to doze off.
TJ begins to cry. "well if he's going to wake up tonight it may as well be early on"

9:35ish -Tj is dozing back off. i can hear him singing to himself over the monitor.

10:30 - he's awake again. crying. badly. i get up and go in and see about him. mom is up too. diaper change and a drink of water are given. mom goes back to bed and i rock in dad's big chair til tj is quiet and mostly asleep.

11:05 - Tj is back in his bed and so am i.

1 am - he's up again. this time mom meets me in the hall and tells me that she'll take care of it and go back to bed.so i do.

2 am -he's crying again! i don't know if he'd been awake this whole time b/c i dozed back off at some point. i get up this time and peek down the hall and my dad is in there trying to settle him back down.
"you shouldn't be in here you have to work!" i try and exclaim quietly. my dad has to be up at 4:15 to get ready for work. dad said he didn't mind giving it a shot since he was already awake and TJ had been awake so long. but of course i had been spotted by tj himself so i wasn't totally off the hook.

2:30 -he's had a sippy cup of milk. some tylenol b/c i'm sure he's teething. i changed his jammies b/c i just couldn't' shake the feeling that, even though it was freezing outside and mighty chilly in his room if the door is shut, that he was hot. we got comfy in the chair and he immediately starts to doze.

3 am -we're both back in our own beds -again.

6 am - this was the longest stint he slept. i didn't even give him much of a chance to let him get awake. i went in and got him out of his crib. my parents have a right comfy futon in the room where tj sleeps. so rather than going BACK to the living room chair i plopped down right there. (this is where i made a HUGE mistake)
once i got him back to sleep -which took less than 5 minutes probably- i just laid him on my chest and went to sleep. we both slept on the futon til 7:45. though he did wake up about every 20 minutes or so and fuss i managed to keep him asleep enough that we caught a few more z's.

but we'll see how tonight goes.
if it wasn't for the sake of him disrupting the whole house -especially with my dad having to go work so early -i'd let him cry it out like i do at home. but since someone went in every time he woke up - the kind of wake ups where you can tell he's NOT going back to sleep without a fight - AND i allowed him to sleep with me for those last few hrs, well, i will not be expecting a good nights sleep tonight either b/c now he knows "if i pitch a big enough fit mom will let me sleep with her just so i'll shut up."
we'll see.
i think we'll go to walmart when it warms up some and get the stuff to make sock puppets. i need something to look forward to so i don't loose it today and they will keep him good and entertained.

obsess much?

2008-12-10T08:32:00.000-08:00

yeah.
i do.
apparently.
I FOUND IT THOUGH!
that one piddly item left on my christmas list.

my quest for crayola continued this morning.
when i woke up of course i just had to recheck all websites and stores mentioned in the previous posts just to see if by some christmas miracle my wonderful toy was floating out there somewhere with my name on it.
amazon was still selling theirs at 15$ more.
the target website looked promising. they had none available online but there search engine for store location availability was up and running.
turns out -according to the web site -the store by my house had plenty. the trick was getting there to get one -since i'm an hr away. and didn't have it in my plans to go home for a few more days.(though i would have gone there and come back if it meant i could get my last christmas gift!)
so i call. hoping they had one and planning on begging someone to let me pay over the phone and PUHLEEZE hold it til i could get there to pick it up this weekend.
no luck.
they had none.
(update the darn web page smart pod!)
with absolutely no faith left that crayola would come thru for me, i went to crayola.com to search their "where to buy" buttons for the glow station. again.
i tried every button. there were at least a dozen web sights listed that returned "no items found" or "out of stock" upon all of my searches.
i sighed and clicked on the last button knowing that i would get an "out of stock result" b/c yesterday they had none. i know! i checked!

kbtoys opens up on the screen and with weary fingers i type my request in the search engine.
my wonderful- mus-t have- toy pops up on the screen.......

WITH BRILLIANT BRIGHT GREEN LETTERS SCREAMING ACROSS THE PAGE "IN STOCK!"

it was too good to be true. i almost didn't believe it.

with shipping included(but no sales tax to my surprise) it was around 36$. i would have spent about 15$ each on the boys so i only came out 6$ over budget(which is not bad at all!) and it still came out cheaper than at amazon before they even add their shipping!
WHOOPIE!
i slapped that thing thru the checkout so fast my head was spinning.
i'm still waiting to get a back order email or something(knock on wood 100X!)
i still swear they were out of stock yesterday. maybe i looked at a different store and just thought i was checking kbtoys.
oh well.
it's done.
it's on it's way.
it'll be here by the 22nd at the latest.

and i can finally quit worrying about it.

now i just hope the boys like it.

yeah. i obsess a lot.

note to self....

2008-12-09T14:26:00.000-08:00

the crayola glow station i mentioned in the previous post:
apparently it's sold out all over the universe.
did you know crayola has 2 web sights? for those of you who are as "not smart" as me to figure this out there is crayola.com, where you can browse a list of activities, craft ideas, and crayola products and where to buy them.
but you have to go to crayolastore.com to actually order products from the crayola makers themselves!
how frustrating!
after my long search i finally figure out where to order the damn thing direct from crayola and guess what?
yep.
they have none.
apparently that's why no one else has any.i also learned during my "quest for crayola" that this item is one of the top ten hotest items for christmas. another reason why they are all gone. i could bid on ebay. but i'm not that desperate.i saw one hanging on the shelf at walmart about 2 weeks ago and i briefly thought of snatching it up for this very reason -but i didn't. i wans't sure at the time who would be getting it.
oh well. i snoozed and i loozed. lesson learned.
i'm glad it's not for my kid or i'd just die for sake of not having one!
i think i may use some of the rewards points from our credit card program to get the boys a gift card to toysrus. they won't be at christmas this year anyway as it's the first christmas their parents are divorced and will more than likely be attending christmas with dh's side of the family at a different time than us.

irritated.

2008-12-09T07:41:00.000-08:00

last year we did ALL of our christmas shopping on line.
all of it.
this year i've managed to do the most of it online. with the acception of a few small items i picked up at walmart for folks like the neighbors kids.
i can't find one thing.
ANYWHERE!
it's the last item on my list for TJ's nephews.
it's the crayola glow station. the big plug in black board that you wright on with a crystal looking pen and your art work glows in the dark. you can only use the thing holed up in a dark room but it looks so friggin' cool! i just had to get it for somebody. i wanted to get it for the 2 boys to share b/c it's about 30 bucks and that's dbl my budget that i would spend on 1 of them. so i thought they'd be able to share it.
only i can't find it.
it's out of stock at :
walmart - in store and online.
target -it's the same thing.
michaels websight says they have it but they don't allow purchases on line. if i were at home i'd call and see if the one down the street from me has it. but i'm not.so i won't.
no one has any.
not at toysrus, or kabee toys,or kohles.
overstock doesn't even have any!
most of the websights on crayola.com listed as "places to buy" don't return anything that matches the search results. so why are they on the list if they don't carry it?

and don't get me started on amazon.com

last year i found the BEST deals at amazon. i think we did almost all of our shopping with them.this year it seems like everything costs more on amazon. i've seen several items for dbl the cost of a normal store.
all of the normal stores have the glow station listed roughly between 25 and 30$. amazon has it priced starting at 39.99. some places that amazon sells for have it going as high as 60! and the one place that has it priced right on amazon is coming from target -who doesn't have it.
i guess i have to figure something else out.
anyone have any suggestions for anything for little boys 3 and 6 years of age? b/c i am fresh out!

i'm going to start my christmas cards today. i should probably start that as little TJ is taking a nap and i don't really want to waste doing nothing.

i'm still at my moms. i'll probably be here thru at least saturday.
i bought my nice neighbor a candle and i'm going to make her a basket of christmas goodies for being so helpful in my hairbrained, unexpected,extended christmas vacation. she offered to help. and she also said "if you want to stay longer just let me know."

so i thought i'd make her a goodie bag to thank her for putting up with me.

now if i could just make it thru a day without feeling dumpy i'd be good.
i do have slums of depression still. and i'm not at home to mope around about dh not being here. so who knows what the deal is. there's tension -terrible knots -in my back -the kind under the shoulder blade that you can't reach well - that my mom can't seem to get rid of no matter how much she rubs and mashes on them. i wonder if that's on of the ailments that comes with depression. the commercial says it can come with physical aches and pains. though i wouldn't say i'm severly depressed. not really even mildly so. it kind of feels more like PMS run wild.
of course i am pregnant. and looking more and more like there is a basketball under my shirt each day. and that is enough to cause all sorts of stress and tension. normally i relax more when i'm here.
go figure.

ok.
christmas cards.
i'm on it!

oh, and i don't guess i'm going to go see twilight again.as bad as i wanted to. i just don't want to go by myself.
i'm sure over the 2 weeks that dh is home this month he will take me b/c he'll want to make up for being gone.
:)

Dilemma

2008-12-06T12:32:00.000-08:00

not that it matters really. but i can't decide when to go home.

i came to my moms on wednesday afternoon. it's saturday.
i was planning on going home monday.
then i realized that i was managing to stay home for only about a week before i hit that moody place where i couldn't stand being home alone anymore. it can be very daunting taking care of an almost toddler all alone.i know i chose this kind of life, but it's amazing how much harder and worse everything can seem when your spouse is aways. not that hundreds of women don't already do it every day, but for me, well, after a while i just get kind of depressed and lonely. so why not come and visit my parents?
we're very close. and it's only a 45 minute drive.
now if i lived out of state and couldn't' come home whenever i wanted. OR if my husband spent less time away and i had just enough time to enjoy the peace and quiet, i would stay put.
but right now -especially with being pregnant and feeling all hormonal and sorry for myself unwillingly at times - it's just such a nice break to come here. it doesn't mean that mom and dad do all of the work with my kid ,and the extra cooking too, while i sit with my feet up watching tv and eating bonbons - auntie comes to play with little TJ and give him his bath after dinner some nights -most nights really - and i still play with him quite a bit and handle as much of the middle of the night crisis crying as i can -when allowed. sometimes my parents jump in -unless i tell them i have a handle on things -and send me back to bed.
or they'll get up with him in the morning and let me sleep.
so it's not like i come here to sit on my butt and let someone else be the parent. i just get so bored at home why not come here and be bored with ppl i love?

TJ doesn't mind.
the dogs are with me so it's not like i left them in the care of any nutty (or busy) neighbors.
i don't mind barricading the cats in the house with a few days supply of food and H20.
but this time, my very nice neighbors -the ones with all the kids that take such good care of me -called on friday and asked if they had permission to go in and check on the cats and put my trash can up.
SURE! if you want to.
and then good neighbor also said "don't feel weird about asking us to help you. i know you're going back and forth alot and don't want to have to ask. but it's not like we'd even have to check on the cats but every few days. i'll go check on things this evening and if you decide you don't want to come home just call me. it's not a problem. if i was close to my mom, and she lived close enough to visit and i was pregnant with a small child and my husband wasn't home to help me i would be gone visiting alot to."

so now i just don't know when i want to go home!!

we have to make at trip to my nieces birthday tomorrow anyway, and they only live like 20 minutes from my house. so dad said he'd swing me by so i can check on things myself and restock on some supplies like diapers.

they way i look at it, if i stay an extra week by the time i start feeling blue again it'll be time for TJ to come home for christmas and i won't have a reason to feel blue. he'll be home in 2 weeks anyway.
on the other hand i kind of feel like a whimp for spending so much time here.
but i'd be doing pretty much the same stuff at home that i would be here -i'd just feel more stressed and unhappy.
atleast when i'm here i just feel tired but not so ragged out.

course i did work awful hard on my outside christmas lights and they aren't getting used right now.....

a trip to the dr

2008-12-04T07:41:00.000-08:00

so yesterday my mom calls about 10 minutes til 9am. she's on her way.
we were going to go to target and ikea and my dr's appt together. 20 minutes after her call the dr's office calls. my dr has called in sick - can i come tomorrow?
um, not really. my baby sitter is already on her way. not that we couldn't have atleast still gone shopping. but it would be much easier to have her at the clinic to hold the baby while i had to do 2 handed things like pee in a cup. can't hold a wiggly toddler and do that very well.
so i asked if i could just see another dr.
there are 2 dr's there i haven't met yet. it's always a good idea to meet all the OB's that work in the clinic so that if someone other than your dr ends up delivering your baby you don't have to wonder "who are you and why are you in here looking at my 'stuff'?"
so i got in with one of the newer dr's. he was funny. i wouldn't have minded if he had to deliver my new baby aside from the fact that he is HOT! just like the anastheisoligist last year that i was silently cursing for looking at my pregnant butt during the epidural -although he probably wasn't looking. that's one thing about pregnancy. they say all of your modesty goes out the window after you've had a baby. not for me.
back on track now:
the first words out of his mouth -aside from the standar introductions are "i noticed your insurance was military insurance. is your husband active duty?"
so we chatted about that while he's trying to find the heart beat. he's ex air force.
still searching for the heart beat.
we chatted more about where TJ is and what he's doing.
dr was very impressed.
i notice him sneaking peeks at my face. "don't worry" i say "we had trouble last time too"
(atleast my regular dr would say soothing things like "don't worry." and " i know you're in there") so i wouldn't freak out.
he seemed to be wondering where the heck the baby was hiding.
we'd catch a whisper of a heartbeat every now and then.
"it's probably a girl" he mumbles. aparriently girls are fast swimmers and tend to shy away from the sound waves. little TJ loved them. he was NEVER hard to locate.
eventually he starts to laugh "well, where haven't i looked??" he exclaims as he's whizzing the micraphone thingy across my tummy.
"i might just get out the ultrasound and take a peek."
a few more seconds go by.
no baby.
he throws the door open and says "i'm tired of chasing this baby! i can't find it! bring me a machine!"
all is well.
the baby is in there.
just hiding way down there.
the heart rate suggested it's a boy.
so now that dr is stumped.
we all think it's a boy.
but we find out dec. 22.
he didn't seem concerned about anything. though the fact that the baby was so low seemed to bug him a little. or it could have been my imagination.
he said they'd call if the ultrasound looked like there was a problem.i guess they have them review all ultrasounds -even if they aren't look for anything more than a heart beat.
i should have asked him if he could tell what the sex was. but i was just glad to know that there was indeed still a healthy baby in there and didn't think of it til it was too late.

:)

so much to say!

2008-12-02T12:09:00.000-08:00

i made gingerbread cookies today.
that recepie we made EVER YEAR when i was growing up. i hated them -well, to a point. it was such a daunting task to get the dough made and chilled and rolled out and cut out and baked. and we made pan after pan after pan. and then we had to ice them all. ugh. it was an all day affair some times. come to find out -as i'm prepairing for this task that would take me 3 days since i had no sisters to help me this time - that when we made them when we were kids we made a double recepie. WHEW! i was so relieved. but i had already called my neighbor (the good one :))
and asked her if she wanted to split the dough with me. so i made a double recepie. and i will take half to her so she and her kids can have a cookie making day!

i couldn't find ANY christmas cookie cutters at walmart today!
i was pissed about this. of all of the places not to have christmas cookie cutters,you wouldn't think walmart would be the place. they had christmas tins, plastic christmas storing and serving containers,they even had christmas party favors.but no cookie cutters.
they had "cookie pans" that were basically shallow muffin pans in christmas shapes.i figured the gingerbread dough woulnd't work in b/c it's so sticky.and the pan was 8$ -and it only held 6 cookies at a time -if that.
i asked several different ppl about where i could fine some.
all's they could point me toward was the tub -yes TUB -of cookie cutters. the plastic ones. not the nice metal or bronze i was looking for. the "tub" had 100 cookie cutters in it. was it worth it? to get like 6 christmas cutters out of? the rest was mainly made up of abc's and numbers. it cost 9 bucks. no thanks. i'll cut me gingerbread dough out with a glass and wait for the good cookie cutters.
i finally stumbled across an empty isle display of christmas cookie cutters.for 4$.the nice bronze metal ones. all's they had left were the trains. they were out of the good ones. so i left without anything.
funny thing. one of the workers i asked for help, was standing on the isle right across from the display and she pointed me in another direction.guess she wasn't very observant -of course, neither was i. but she worked in that department. she should have known they were staring us in the back!
when i called to gripe about this to my mom she started digging thru her cookies cutter bag to see what she had that i could use, only to discover that over the years she had accumulated at least 3 of each kind. so i'm getting christmas cookie cutters of my very own from my mother's kitchen tomorrow! she's coming out and going to my dr's appt with me (new baby checkup) and then we're going to ikea b/c she want's to look at some stuff for my sister for christmas.

i need to download some chipmunk music for little TJ to listen to. he had a blast when his auntie played the movie for him on our last visit over. i recorded it off the tv last night and played it again today and he kept trying to pull up to the screen and point! i finally strapped him in his high chair in the living room so he could see better. he sure does like to dance!
and there was an advertisement for a chipmunk cd( not the soundtrack for the movie) and he really thought that was fun. he laughed and danced to that too!

TWILIGHT:
ok. it's my turn. i have been silently licking my wounds for the last week now after seeing the movie. dragging out the last few pages online of "midnight sun", playing scenes from the movie and the book over and over i my head.
i want to go see it again.
men like "edward" don't exist. but there is something about the idea of "edward" that just makes me swoon.
that was probably stephenie's idea in the first place when she started the book.
seeing the movie the first time - well, lets just say i was kind of a mess afterwards.
i know.
pathetic.
i had been visiting my parents and me and my sister went. i was supposed to return home that same day.
but after seeing that movie -that tragic and beautiful love story - i couldn't bring myself to tollerate the idea of going home. to my empty house.
TJ kind of forgets to be attentive when he's away. it's kind of out of sight out of mind with him.not that's he's all that romantic when he's home. he just kind of cuts off when he's gone and only call's b/c it's the right thing to do. of course it's better this time than it has been in the past. deployments are the real kicker. he pays little to no attention to home at all b/c it's "easier not to miss it".
and though i could find plenty of stuff to pick at about the movie -like how the scenes felt rushed to me, and the whole movie seemed to squish together before you could put together what was going on -i'd like to go again. i would have already gone if i had a good baby sitter here at my disposal. but i'd rather wait til i'm back at my parents and i can leave him for a couple of hrs with them and go.
now that i have a better handle on myself, maybe if i go see it again, i won't sleep,eat, and breath twilight.

whatelse?
oh, crazy nieghbor made it back from her trip alright.
i didn't call the other helper and "remind" her a 3rd time about the cat box. she called me at 5 on the dot that day and sent her daughter right over. shame though. she didn't even think about it until i mentioned it. and it still took her up to the day before neighbors return to take care of it.

TJ made it home from and back to OK alright. nothing major to report there. we had our yearly 3 thanksgivings. it was exhausting. we only got to spend friday undisturbed as a family.

thanksgiving day was a flop.
well, all the parts that were spent at places other than my house or my parents.
i hadn't given TJ's grama a 2nd thought at being a problem. though i knew she had treated TJ's mom very poorly when TJ was born. like the poor woman -who was only 18 at the time) had rock for a brian -or mud. come to find out grama really just doesn't like TJ's mom. also come to find out the only folks who can do no wrong in grama's eyes are TJ, and his dad.
i got yelled at first thing thanksgiving day b/c little TJ had on no shoes.
"WHERE ARE HIS SHOES!?"
"i don't put shoes on him yet."
"WELL HE NEEDS 'EM!"
"it's not cold out side grama, it's almost 80 degrees."
"BUT THE FLOOR IS COLD! WE DON'T HAVE CARPET!"
"it's easier for him to learn to walk in bare feet and he won't leave the shoes on anyway. "
she let it go after that.
it really was warm that day. i was even a bit stuffy. they say if your cold or hot then your child is too.
well we visited and ate and when it came time to leave big TJ was carrying little TJ out the door and everyone was smothering him like they always do(on that side of the family they just cuddle him to death! he hates it and he squirms and fusses and they just keep on with it!) and we walk past the dessert table and little TJ points at the chocolate cake. his daddy thought it would be fun to let him stick his finger in it and see what would happen.
no biggie. he had just shared a piece of pie with us. he was only going to let him have a taste.
but grama thought it was cute. and she did it again. and again.
and then she says " wrap him up a piece and take it for the road." real sweet. she obviously was addressing my husband and not me.
i say "oh he doesn't need it"
and right in my ear i hear "WELL HE WANTS IT AND HE SHOULD HAVE IT!"
TJ jumps in about some saying about "this is how the republicans and the democrats are like parents and grandparents. the grandparents are always trying to jump in and take over when the parents are trying to "parent their kids" or something like that(whatever that means)
i get all upset as grama goes storming around the kitchen looking for foil and go take the bag out to the car before i either cry and scream.
then i'm standing out on the porch talking to my other mother in law(the one who's married to TJ's dad now) and grama comes huffing out the door
"JAMIE!"
she inturrupts me like a kid. i was talking! hello!
"HERE'S THAT BABY'S CAKE!"
and she shoves a covered plate at me. i lean in to hug her goodbye and say "grama, he doesn't need all that sugar. he's already had pie."
"WELL IF YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO HAVE ALL OF IT THEN SHARE IT WITH HIM BUT HE SHOULD GET SOME."
i roll my eyes and go get in the car.
it probably wouldn't have bothered me had i not been pregnant. under any other circumstances i probably would have just taken the cake sweetly and thrown it out the window once we were on the road.
but instead i was totally pissed off at her!
instead i bristled up like a mamma cat.
it was the principal i guess.
i said he didn't need the cake. and she gives it to him anyway. it was still in my control b/c it was up to me WHEN and IF he got it. but i had said no. she should have backed off.
i'm not the kind of parent that is going to give her kids everything they want. and he's only a year old. he wouldn't have remembered a thing about the cake once we were out the door had we left without it.
TJ's mom atleast can be commical. she had said something to me when we were there saturday about "putting TJ's hat on" when we were going out to swing. it was very windy. i didn't know where his jacket had been stashed. and TJ's mom had bought little TJ a couple of winter hats. ones that were big enough to cover his ears -since his head is too big for toddler hats. it was a suggestion. i made mention of "it might be too windy once we get out there."
and she says "you could put on one of his new hats."
"good idea!" and i meant it.
and i hear her say to herself "listen to me being a bossy grama"
i turned right around and at the top of my inside voice i say "YOU HAVEN'T HEARD NOTHING UNTIL YOU SPENT THURSDAY OUT AT TJ'S DADDYS HOUSE! I WANTED TO KILL GRAMA!"
she just nodds her head in sympathy as i lay out my story without even trying to sound polite. "that's one of the reasons why i divorced TJ's dad.i could not stand that woman."
i've got news for those grandparents that think they can do whatever they want with my kids simply b/c they are old and have had kids before and think that the term "great grama" means they get to break all my rules:
when my childern are at your house and i am not there to give instruction and guidance you can feed them whatever and take them where ever and let them stay up as late as they want and watch as much tv as they want.
but as long as i am accompanying my family on a visit to your house, what i say stands.
period.
I am the mother.if you can't treat me with respect that that deserves than we won't come to visit til you can keep your opinions to yourself.
grandparents can make suggestions all they want. and most of the time they make sense.atleast my parents and TJ's mom ask before doing things -unless i'm not there. or they make a suggestion but don't complain and compare when i do something my way.
but he didn't need the damn cake! he'd already had plenty of pie. she should have minded her own business but she just had to give him that cake.
i threw the cake away.
the last time he had chocolat cake with icing it took me nearly 4 hrs to get him to bed that night.
when she wants to be the one dealing with that she can give him all the cake he wants.

so.....

2008-11-26T12:41:00.000-08:00

TJ is coming home tonight! yay! i haven't seen him in 3 weeks! i was hoping he'd be on the road by now. it's a 6 hr drive. it's 2 45 in the pm. he still hasn't called to say he's on the road. i know they were training part of the day.......... guess i'll just keep waiting.

neighbor comes home tomorrow. so far things haven't felt so dutiful. i've been leaving her dogs out for long stretches to cut down on their need for potty breaks.
before she left -when all of this first started -i told her to find someone else or arrange some to come and scoop cat poo as i was pregnant and could not.
well, truth be told, i could. if i had to.(gloves and mask and all that)which i don't b/c she set someone up to help. or so i thought. i do it for mine on the rare occasion i put the box down. but it's more of a pick up and dump whole box arrangement. not the detailed clean out for fresh spots to go.
anyhoo, she asked the 9 yr old neighbor girl if she knew how and would she mind helping. all was set. she left me a home number and a cell to call when needed.
i called monday b/c the girl who helped last week (another someone else) didn't touch the boxes. left a message. got nothing.
so i called at dinner time last night.
left another message.
the mother called me back and said her daughter was out of town all week b/c school was out for the holiday but should be back by noon today. and she would leave her my name and # and "remind" her that she said she would help.
i'm sorry. when did parents start "reminding" their kids to do stuff and then just leave it up to them to do it? neighbor does this with her kid. she never makes sure he follows thru. hello! he's a little kid. they need some kind of direction. you can't just say and expect them to do, you have to make sure they do what they're supposed to be doing.
it's nearly 3 pm and no little girl has called to say "can you let me in so i can clean up after the cats?"
the mom did offer to come over last night and take care of it. i should have let her. but the arrangement was for the little girl to do it. AND the mom had just gotten home from work-at 7 at night- and i was getting little TJ in for his bath.
the mom told me if i didn't hear from the little girl to call again and they'd just come do it before they leave town tonight.
why should i? call a 3rd time when they knew this was the arrangement and it needs to be done?
the mother admitted she was busy enough that she would forget if the daughter didn't do it and i didn't call and "remind" them.
but i don't think i should have to. i know. no big deal. what's an extra phone call?
this was neighbors problem from the beginning b/c i told her get someone else or set up help. and she set up "bad" help.
so if no one calls to be let in she can do it herself when she gets home tomorrow.
she knew i couldn't do it.
and if her other help can't help me then the kitty's will just have to find a clean corner themselves.
there are 2 cats and 2 boxes anyway.
they'll live.
the poor things.
they're not eating either.
i haven't had to fill their food bowl once. maybe the stuff that's out is too stale now. i'll try fresh tomorrow.

i must do a little jig!

2008-11-18T12:33:00.001-08:00

oh the things that excite me! i am so easily impressed and amused it's pitiful.

i bought new shampoo today! and it's PINK! a pretty, creamy ,pearly shade of pink!! had i not washed my hair 2 hours ago i would go in there right now and do it! with my new pink shampoo!

today is big TJ's birthday. he's out of reach b/c they are out at the FOB. (not sure what that stands for exactly but i do know they're doing a lot of weapons training.) i toyed with the idea of emailing him a happy birthday note since i couldn't call, and texting him a simple "happy birthday babe" didn't seem good enough. then i came up with the brilliant idea to use the voice recorder on my phone and recorded me singing "happy birthday dear husband" and hollering out "we love you! we miss you! we'll see you soon!" at the end.
i sent that first thing this morning and haven't heard a peep so i don't know if he got it yet. then i got little TJ babbling a string of "dada"'s while playing with a picture of his daddy. but i'm not happy with that yet. i'm going to text that to him so he can set it as a ring tone for home. he's been talking about doing that for a while, just never got around to it. i figured that could be a good enough birthday present til he comes home.

i made a trip to walmart today b/c i had gone yesterday for some things - mainly dog food and the continuance of my search for long sleeved maternity wear. the dog food bag came open at the checkout counter -it just neatly unrolled in my hand until it was completely open when i grabbed it by it's end to pick it up out of the buggy.
it had been a very bad trip to walmart. my first with a toddler that actually acts like a toddler. fit throwing -throwing things out of the buggy. wanting to be held. at one point i almost ditched the buggy and left. when we got to the check out and the dog food opened i just handed it over. told the lady if it wasn't "so open" i'd buy it anyway. she didn't offer to have someone go get me a fresh one and i didn't ask. i wanted out of there as fast as i could manage!
but we made it thru and i managed to get all items on my list (aside from the dog food)-that was half eaten at one point -my pretty hot pink paper and blue ink was turned to mush -i haven't stopped to think what sort of things my child had ingested at that point.

there were no long sleeved maternity clothes at walmart. there was hardly anything resembling more than capri pants!
at target there was sets -short sleeved tops with jackets to go with it -it was all business casual. perfect for if i was working. but i just wanted some plain, long sleeved t-shirts that would fit over my belly -which has surprisingly popped out at an alarming rate!
so i went to the normal ppls clothes at walmart to see what they had that may work.
i found some perfect t-shirts for 6$.
pretty colors. soft. they had a boat neckline(i refuse to wear crew neck! i feel like i'm being suffocated!and you'll never catch me dead in a turtleneck either!) and a row of buttons on the sleeves -more for show i think -i picked up 3. they looked like they ran big so i only got larges. what the tag failed to mention was that they were stretch. so i get them home(no time to try on in store) they fit perfect. which is bad when you're me b/c there's no room to grow. PLUS i hadn't washed them yet. so there was no way they were going to fit for long.
i noticed this morning when showering that there wasn't much left in either of my shampoo bottles -yes ladies i know have 3 kinds of shampoo! - stashed around my tub. so i picked up some more while i was out. along with a neat, unopened bag of dog food.

when returning the shirts i tried to complain that there was no winter wear in the maternity section -if you can call it a section -the lady ignored me. and i didn't want to go to the mall b/c i knew i'd just pay more than i needed to for the same thing.
so i got 3 lovely nice enough to wear out but perfect for daily dress t-shirt in red(my christmas shirt of course) navy and charcoal grey. i love them. i'm going to wash them right now so i can wear them this weekend when it's not supposed to be warmer than 60 some degrees!

so back to the shampoo:
i have a weakness for buying makeup and then not wearing it - hardly ever anyway. but i could buy soap and shampoo all day long!
my latest edition is herbal essence - which i haven't had in forever. i got the "long term relationship" in the red bottle.since my hair is falling out by the handful since new baby came along i invested in the garnier fructies length and strength- i went the herbal essence route b/c it was cheaper in a bigger bottle- hoping to preserve my bald head from ever being exposed! and it's infused with raspberry. hence the pink i guess.
it smells so good my mouth was watering when i sniffed it in the store.
oh the silly things that make me feel so Happy!

3 days

2008-11-18T08:55:00.000-08:00

i can do 3 days.
given the situation - and the mess i always feel i have gotten myself in to when finished with the task - i am watching neighbors dogs for the 3 of the 6 days they are gone.
since i am not "cat box responsible" for the days i am watching neighbors pets it will be easier. sometimes i'm not sure if it's the cats that are more trouble or the dogs. probably both. AND her cats have a habit of spitting hairballs, breakfast, or whatever, all over the carpet when neighbors are gone. if this happens-oh i'm sorry, you were so desperate for me to watch your babies b/c you don't want anyone else in your house, and i'm pregnant and can't handle bodily fluids so i just left it there.oops.(she never cleaned my cat box when i was gone. not even when i left her a note to.)

she got someone else for the days i am going to be gone. funny. they're leaving saturday, and coming back thursday. but somehow i got stuck with 3.5 days of pet sitting and the other girl barely has only saturday night and all of sunday.this makes no sense. i'll just have to work it around nap times and bed times so i don't have to take little bit over with me. her carpets are horrible and i hate to put him down when we go over there.

too bad she hasn't had more than one kid. it never would have crossed her mind to ask me if she ever walked in my shoes:
toddler
pregnant
no husband in sight to help carry any kind of daily load.
but it's my fault for not having the balls to say no.
ah i can't wait til thursday. when i can get to my mothers house and have a little peace!

and since i will be coming back from a much needed break i didn't think i'd be feeling quite so depressed or resentful or angry about any of my situations. it's not like they're things i didn't make a choice for.

this day has been

2008-11-17T09:08:00.000-08:00

shot to hell.

i actually hope it hasn't but i'm not helping myself any.

something is bugging the poor child.
he was up about an hour earlier than normal. so i put him down for nap a smidge earlier than normal. he cried and threw tantrums for an hr.
oh yes. i did get him up and check his diaper. make sure he hadn't given himself a new booboo while climbing around in his crib. keep him up long enough to calm down. and back in he goes. only to start the fit throwing all over again.

i turned on "the holiday" hoping to distract myself from the goings on in the nursery only to be dragged away by the escalation of the screaming coming from the nursery. so in i go again. this time armed with a cup of water. it took me 2.5 hrs to get him to bed last night, it was almost 10pm when he crashed out finally, and all's he wanted was a long drink of water.
so in i go with the water. only to find that this morning that is not the problem. i still have no idea what the problem is/was. i take him to the big warm chair in the living room and we rock and rock only he wants to sit in my lap facing forward.
and he actually laughed at parts of the movie -mostly the part where amanda (cameron diaz) is making faces at the dog.
after 30 minutes of this i give him another drink of water and try and turn him around so i can pat his back and rock.
the fit throwing starts again.
so i dose him up with some tylenol. give him ANOTHER drink of water to wash it down. and put him in his bed.
i have no idea why that does of tylenol did the trick.i immediately put him to bed after i gave it to him so it's not like it had time to dull anything that was ailing him. but he didn't even make a peep.
he just cut his 6th tooth so he should be feeling better. who knows. i guess they're teething all the time until the last tooth has finished it's journey to the surface.
it's 11 16 am now.

the only thing i have accomplished so far is putting on some real clothes and cleaning up the toy corner.

ah well, it's not like i have any where to be that i only have x amount of time to get things cleaned up.

my favorite part of "the holiday" :
when Gram shows up at iris's house to find amanda staying there instead. he'd been out drinking and goes to stay at iris's house -as usual - only it's amanda who lets him in. and as they are standing there talking-she's trying to explain why iris is in LA at her house and she is in england at iris's house - he leans in and says in his oh-so-sexy english accent "do you mind if i sit? i feel like i might bump in to you."

don't know why i love it, but i do!

when there is no romance in my life to speak of i play this movie over and over. *sigh* and it's a christmas movie too so i get a dbl bonus!

my apologies

2008-11-17T07:02:00.001-08:00

i was quite the cranky pants this weekend.
sorry for all the ranting and raving.
i was feeling a little sorry for myself.
but i am feeling much better this morning. i may actually get some chores done early for a change and i'm going to walmart when it warms up a bit to look at christmas stuff and get a few every day items.
i promise to have something cheerful to talk about the next time i post.

:)

update

2008-11-16T17:09:00.001-08:00

so neighbor called today.
in the midst of rattling off a few things she wanted to gripe about i hear " so i guess i'll get with you tomorrow or tuesday and we can figure out a schedule for the dogs."
here we go.
"when do you think y'all will be leaving?"
"friday probably"
"i won't be home then"
silence
"remember? i'm going out of town. i won't be here starting thursday.i told you this yesterday morning"
some mumbling about figuring something out when she can think about it and then,
"maybe i'll ask wonderful neighbor."
yes, ask wonderful neighbor who is recovering from surgery and has the 4 kids, one of which is still a baby, the oldest of which is only 4 and 2 toddlers in between!
i know she chose to have that many kids that close together and she's alot better at sucking up and dealing with interferences than i am, but i go out of my way to not ask that set of neighbors for anything unless it is absolutely necessary.
now i feel guilty for not changing my plans if she's involving wonderful neighbor in her madness.they have 100x more stuff going on than i do and i feel like it's just more than they need to deal with at this point. it's not like neighbor lady has no other friends. she's gotten someone to watch her pets before when i couldn't do it. what about them?
they're planning on staying up there for at least a week if not 2. her kid is pitching a fit b/c he had his whole thanksgiving holiday planned out. yeah. over the tv. all the holiday specials he wanted to watch he's going to miss so he doesn't want to go.
it's going to be TJ's first weekend home over thanksgiving. i'd like to be able to see him some while he's in our house.i won't have seen him in 4 weeks by the time he gets here and it would be nice not to have to share all of him with my already divided time or other members of the family.

she just seems to be thinking that someone is going to drop what they're doing and say "oh you poor dear! here, let me drop all of my plans and help you."

maybe i'm being selfish. but at this point i think it's aloud. it's not like i sit on couch and eat chocolate all day.being pregnant is excuse enough to take on any more things to do than i already have.( i know. i don't milk that card on a regular occassion. but this is an irritating situation) i kind of feel like she thinks i should make myself available to help her out when they've known this was coming for a couple of weeks. the grama would just have a few bad days and then start doing better so i guess they thought this was the same.
she even called this morning and asked me to take her back to the store
(where we were yesterday) so she could get those clothes she picked out so her kid would have something to wear to the funeral. only her husband woudln't let her buy them so she ended up with nothing.i told her no. i wasn't feeling like going out. (yesterday day we were out a couple of times) so she went out with another friend(see?she has them stashed somewhere) and picked the outfit up and some things for her, and her husband threw a fit that she spent the money on them. are they supposed to wear sweats then? and what's he gunna do when it comes time to buy the plane tickets? i'm glad i won't be around to see that blow up in his face.

hopefully it won't turn out to be as big of a mess as i'm making it sound like.
maybe tomorrow i'll have something more interesting to blog about. right now this is all i've got.
hope it's as entertaining for you as it is for me.

i can never think of good headings for blogs.

2008-11-16T12:18:00.000-08:00

my headache is back.
mostly due to not enough water i'm sure.

the neighbors grama did pass away last night. but no one knows anything about anything yet so i'm going on with my already made plans and will only be available to help out 2 nights this week.after that i won't be here.

and the week after that TJ will be coming in and we'll be running around doing our yearly 3 thanksgivings in the 4 days he has home. and you can't count sunday b/c he has to drive back.(and there's usually 3-4 christmases. sometimes 5 if you count christmas morning at our house.)
bleck. i love the holidays. but TJ's family is so big and staggered that it can get out of hand quick with all the places to go. one of these days we're going to have to start alternating what year we go where.

i think i'm going to go take a nap.

i also will be glad about 9 months from now when new baby is about 4 months old and out of the new born stage and i won't feel like i have to take a nap every 5 minutes.

of course it helps when the neighbor's put their dog up at night. i think they must go out of town alot b/c there are weeks at a time where this dog is out at all hours barking it's head off. and then there are a few days where i don't here so much as a peep. last night he barked from 2-3 am. and i was awake from the time he started til almost 5 am.
i have yet to figure out where this dog lives that barks and barks at night. every time i go on a hunt it quits barking. or other dogs start. and i can't just call the cops b/c all's i'd be able to say is "i know which house he lives at from standing on my back porch."
but when i actually go to find the front of the house i haven't a clue if i'm right or not. and it was 33 degrees out when he started barking. i know, i got up for a drink of water and checked. who leaves their dog out all night in freezing weather?
sigh.
it's very annoying. but i feel bad he's not well cared for.

seriously!

2008-11-15T08:38:00.001-08:00

i am exasperated. and a little bit in disbelief.

my crazy neighbors(the ones with all the animals i'm always complaining about having to watch) got a call the other day stating that neighbors grama is on hospice and they don't expect her to live much longer.

neighbor lady and i got together yesterday and made dinner and watched a movie.

during movie i say "just in case ya'll end up having to go out of town unexpectedly do you think you should put someone on alert to come scoop cat boxes for me?"

i know. i kind of offered right there to watch her pets for her -again. even though it's a ton of trouble. i felt bad in this case. when there's a possible passing of a family member on the line.

she acted like i was nuts at first and then realized what i meant. i'm pregnant. i can't scoop the cat boxes. especially for ones cats other than mine who i know are healthy and won't make new baby sick. and we only put a cat box out when we're going anywhere anymore or it's really cold and are going to be in the house. even then i have to put gloves on and hold my breath or wear a mask so i don't get toxoplasmosis, which i'm sure my cats don't have but haven't been tested for. so long as you scoop the litter daily the stuff doesn't have time to grow. she scoops her boxes weekly. i'm not messing with it.

"i guess i could ask the neighbors little girl. she has a cat and ought to know how to do all that"
(yeah, she's 8 maybe 9. i'd hope she'd been schooled in how to take care of her pets)

when talking to mom this morning she points out "you are kind of on your own right now? what happens if you need to come here for a break? or TJ's wants you to meet him somewhere b/c he has a few days off? you're tied down."

good point.
and i already had plans to go visit my parents this weekend - starting thursday - i got the one year pictures done for Little tj's birthday the last time we were visiting my mom. AND i had already planned on seeing twilight with my sister. granted i go and see my mom all the time, it's plans i've had made for a long,long time.

so this morning i call her to see if we're still on for going to target after lunch and mention to her that it's probably better for them to put several folks on stand by that she may need help with the animals b/c due to the holidays and TJ's schedule being so unpredictable i may not be available when the time comes for them to pick up and go.
"i don't know hunny. i haven't even thought about what we're going to do. i have to talk to the hubby"
i say "well, isn't better for you to get a back up plan formed now, rather than when you're trying to book plane tickets and get the kiddo's homework for the week you're gunna be gone and pack and all that? that way you know some things are already settled. with TJ being gone he may get 2 days off and want me to meet him in dallas or something and i'm not a reliable source."
(not with taking care of all of our crap all on my own as it is.)
and she retorts with a snotty "like i said the other day. death is inconvenient: especially at the holidays."

listen here you crazy selfish woman!! she is not my grama! you are not planning this out well. you can't just wait til she goes and then make all your decisions. you probably won't be able to book plane tickets on a whim to get up there when you need to, atleast not for cheap, you should really think about driving. and what did you do before i moved in next door anyway? you boarded your animals -all 6 of them! and now you don't want to pay to have it done b/c i'm here and should be able to do it at the drop of the hat? not now. not during the holidays with my husband coming and going at a moments notice. i need to be flexible for him.
your family is not my responsibility! i have to put my family first. and if that means that i am not available to you in a time of crisis then i'm sorry. but i will hardly see my husband over the next 5.5 months! and if he comes home, or wants me to meet him half way, or i've made plans to take my pregnant ragged out self to my mothers so that i can get a break from having to do EVERYTHING myself than i have to do it. i take care of us first and you need to be aware of that.(doing everything isn't so bad. i have to eat, so it's not a big deal to fix something for an extra person. giving him a bath and getting him to bed is easy too. it's the in between. when he's awake for 3 or 4 hrs between naps. when i need to clean house, or feel horribly pregnant and gross, or when he's fussing and it can't be remedied. there is no one to pass him off too when i need him to sit still for me for 5 minutes and he won't. the other night i was puking(due to new baby of course) and trying to keep up with him. he slammed his finger in a drawer and there was nothing i could do b/c i would have puked all over him. he was locked in the bathroom with me, but still getting in to things i couldn't prevent for hovering over the toilet.)

i don't know if she was hinting at me that i needed to suck it up and run on her schedule til their drama was over. or if she was just frustrated with the whole situation and didn't like what i was pointing out.
either way, now i realize that with TJ being gone, well, if he does get time off on a pass, and it's a short one, and he wants me to meet him half way between here and there, i can't be in a position where i have to tell him no. especially if i haven't seen him in a month or so.
so now she knows that i am not a reliable source and she'll have to deal with it when the time comes if she hasn't made a plan b.
the last time i wasn't a reliable source she acted the same way. and i was 8 months pregnant and they were going to be gone for 2 weeeks. i had to point out til i was blue in the face "what if i go in to labor while you're gone? your pets are locked in the house for 4 days without anyone to feed or water them or let them out to potty while i'm in the hospital. you've got to get someone else."
and look how that turned out,when he was gone, we were gone for a week too.

hopefully she'll get her brain working and start making mental plans. otherwise she's going to have problems.

saturay

2008-11-15T07:43:00.000-08:00

i made chewy(my dog) an appt for the groomers today at noon 30. i guess since petsmart is right next to target i'll go pick up a few things while i'm waiting.

i have to remember to bring in all the plants tonight. it's not supposed to be about 65 today and lows in the low 30's - high 20's. i doubt it will get THAT cold here, but it's supposed to remain at least at freezing for 6-8 hrs -which my plants would not like.

there's nothing else major planned for today. i may check out christmas things at target and see if they have any christmas movies i don't have.

i was going thru my maternity clothes this morning since it's supposed to stay what would feel like "cold" to me all day. i don't have but maybe 3 shirts that are long sleeved. i guess i'll look at maternity clothes while i'm at target too.

last night was the first night that i was kept awake b/c new baby was turning somersaults and wouldn't settle down.
looks like i'm in for another busy-baby pregnancy.

ah well, i better get things straightened up if i'm going to spend some time out and about today.
hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

my dog.......

2008-11-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

STINKS!

he's old. and he stinks.
horribly.

it's partly/mostly my very sensitive pregnant nose.

anyone else who smells him would say "he just smells like sweaty old dog."

i know!i'm a horrible pet parent. and i can't stand it!(the smell i mean)

it hasn't been that long since he had a bath. but now it is too chilly for his bones to have a bath under the house outside. i can't pick him up to lug him over the side of the tub -and he won't do it on his own. partly b/c his hips are going bad and partly b/c he knows what will happen once he's in.
he jumps into the back of the equinox without a hitch when we go anywhere! he loves car rides. but he is beyond pitiful when it comes to baths.
i could walk him in to the seperate shower in my bathroom, but guess what? i scrubed it not so long ago and have only used it once! (don't worry, i have bathed since then)

i'm hearing the word "GROOMING!" screaming out in my head. it's only 30 bucks for a bath, brush and dry,15 min. massage and trimmed nails and ear cleaning. it's 46$ if i want them to trim his feet and legs. and his feet do need to be done. if it didn't make me want to gag to be near him i'd do it all myself. like normal.
he follows me everywhere in the house and i just keep shooing at him and making him go lay down. he's right outside the door and my nose can sniff him out!

i am such a horrible person! i've had him for like 10 years and i've never felt like this about him.
i'm going to talk to TJ today about it and then i have to get a rabies copy from the vet, unless i can find it here. all the bills are paid so he shoudln't care. but i like to ask anyway.

wish me luck.

finally!

2008-11-13T17:01:00.000-08:00

i have been waiting to get the first official busting of the face over with.
i know. it sounds cruel to think that i was waiting for my kid to smash his face hard enough on something that it could be considered an official face busting.
but as a mom you just kind of dread these things happening. and you know that they are going to happen. especially if you have little boys.

poor TJ was minding his own business playing with his toy cars on the coffee table today. we utilize the coffee table quite a bit in our daily activities.
i watched in slow motion as he steps to the side with his arm out - apparently thinking that he was going to come in contact with some thing to hold on to as he cruised on around the table. he met solid air instead. which resulted in him pitching to the side - whacking the side of his mouth on the coffee table on the way down.
i checked for blood. the 2nd time i managed to pry his face away from my shoulder there was a nice trail of bloody drool running down his chin.
nothing a cold wash cloth and a good dose of love couldn't handle. no chipped teeth or gashes to tend to. but it is nice to have that whole first owie incident over with.

i am certain that it won't even make the charts as a booboo when he's like 5 or 6.

i did it!

2008-11-13T10:51:00.001-08:00

i made the pumpkin cake today!!
it's going to be so yummy when that cold weather hits! with some cocoa or hot tea! and a movie! i will have to rent a movie!

i also made cheese veggi chowder.
my mom used to make it when we were kids. i thought it would be good to freeze in cubes and keep around for the winter for lil tj. only i don't think this batch is going to last.

you take 2 cups of chicken broth and throw in a small onion, a stalk of celery and a medium carrot. (only i wanted more veggies so i added a potato and some chopped broccoli and more carrots and then had to add 2 more cups of chicken broth b/c i had more veggies than broth!)
you bring all that to a boil and simmer for about 10 minutes.

in another sauce pan melt 3 tbs of butter. stir in 1/4 cup of flour til smooth and add 2 cups of milk. cook and stir over med. heat til thick and bubbly. add 5 oz cheeze whiz.(i used 8 oz b/c a) you can'y buy a 5oz jar and b) i used more broth so i thought i'd need more cheese.)
once that's all mixed and melty you add it to the chicken broth and veggies and TADAH! you have veggie cheese chowder!!

hint: this soup is way better if you chunk up cubes of cheddar cheese and put it in the bottom of the bowl before you add the soup so the cubes get all gooey and melty.

it's going to be great for this weekend!

BUGGED

2008-11-12T16:39:00.001-08:00

it's just been one of those days.
i think i'm just finding things to be irritated about now.

quirky pregnant moments:
are all of my brain cells gone?
the other day i went in to turn off the light in the bathroom and turned on the water instead. i actually walked out of the bathroom before i realized what i had done and went to correct my absent braindness.
tonight i am standing in my living room getting ready to settle in for some tv.my normal lamp is shining brightly in the corner but it still seems dim. i think to myself "it sure is dark in here. i better turn on another lamp." but rather than cross the room to the lamp that is off that i meant to turn on i cross the room to the lamp that is on and turn it OFF so that the room is completely dark.
gimme a break!

there are a couple of ppl whose blogs i keep up with. and comment on regularly. i never know if they check their comments b/c no one ever says anything about what i say! and i don't think they ever come here and read my blog b/c they never comment here either!i didn't know until i was informed by a fellow blogger that it was proper blog manners to comment on what your commenters had to say. and it's been great fun ever sense.
i started a blog to keep up with a friend. it worked out great for keeping up with them, i guess my life just isn't interesting enough for them to keep up with me. but i have great new blogging friends since i became a blogger anyway. and that is very nice!

dr.s and insurance..... again.

TJ had his one year check up monday last week. he got 2 shots he hasn't had before. the MMR(for measles mumps and rubella) and the chickenpox vaccine. plus a flu shot and another shot he's had a few boosters of already.
he rarely shows any side affects from the vaccines. other than a decreased appetite, some crankiness, and maybe some redness and swelling at the shot sight.
well, a week exactly after his shots both spots on his left leg flare up. i'm used to them flaring some. they'll pop up and look like mosquito bites. but are never bothersome. but this time it was a HUGE flare up. if i hadn't known better i'd have thought he had been burned with a curling iron. it was just that red. not swollen so much. you could feel bumps where each shot was given but you couldn't tell there was any swelling unless you touched it.
so i get out the list of vaccines/symptoms they sent me home with and guess what? redness and swelling aren't on the list for any of the shots. so is it just common sense that that could be a symptom of any shot? go figure.
so i keep an eye on it.
during the day yesterday it seemed not to change. but after bath time the area of redness had grown to be as long/wide as my thumb.
i decided to call in the am, just so they would know he had had a bad reaction and could chart it for future notice.
the nurse finally gets around to calling me back nearly 3 hrs later.
me: "where he got his shots has had some swelling and redness. i'm used to this looking more like a minor mosquito bite type reaction, but this looks more like a welt."

her: "well you should bring him in b/c the 2 new shots he got are actually live viruses that are injected in their system. if they have a reaction we need to know b/c we won't be able to vaccinate him anymore if he does indeed have the virus from the shot"

what?? isn't that why they give vaccines is so they don't get the disease or whatever?
i argued with her some. trying to tell her again that it's only where they shot was given in his leg and he didn't have any other symptoms.spotty rashes are common with both of the new vaccines. i was just concerned b/c it was such a bigger reaction at the shot sight than normal and wondered if that was due to what he was given.

her: " well you're telling me it's red and swollen and there's spots and the only way for us to know what's going on is for you to bring him in."

me: sigh "well then i guess we'll come in"

it was 10 35. it takes me a half an hr to get there and they asked me to arrive at 11 15. and i didn't care if i was late.
i got TJ up from his nap and changed his clothes and got us snacks and drinks for the road and off we went.

i got there at 11 15 exactly.

i waited until 11 50 before i was seen.(the new thing for dr's to do these days is block off appts for same day calls so don't tell me i was squeezed in b/c i was given an appt time to show up. they didn't just say "come on in and we'll get to you when we can" like back in the day.

i got the bitch nurse that i HATE! there's actually 2 nurses there i don't like and you never know which nurse you're gunna get and it drives me nuts!

she had me put TJ on the scale. i normally lay him down. when i tried to do this she grabs him and sits him back up which resulted in him leaning and reaching over for me to pick him up. i was standing right next to him so he wouldn't fall off the table and he just kept grabbing at me so i grabbed his upper arm to keep him still and from falling.

nurse: "you can't hold him, the scale picks up your weight."
(well what do you want me to do lady? he's just gunna fall off the damn table.)
after the 3rd attempt to get him to sit still she has me stand at the end of the table so he is reaching forward rather than to the side.
and fussed at me again for "holding him" when he reached far enough forward that he was almost on his knees.
these scales aren't the nice flat kind like what we get to stand on. they're like little tiny tippy metal baskets, so of course i'm going to grab when he moves!
we finally get him weighed (Which i still don't see what the big deal is b/c she didn't have me strip him naked so they weren't looking for an exact weight anyway.(which they did just get a week ago bay the way))

settled in the room she goes thru the routine questions:
her: "are all his immunizations up to date?"
i wanted to scream at her! if you had read his chart you would have seen that we were just here a week ago for that EXACT REASON!
but managed a restrained "yes. we were here last week for his 1 yr appt"

her: "is he on any medications?"

me: "no"

her: " Really? you don't give him any vitamins? motrin or tylenol?"

me: "oh well, he does get motrin for his teeth."
i didn't know they counted that as an actual medication. i was figuring more like antibiotics and stuff.
then she wanted to know when the last time he had any motrin was.
then we started talking about his leg. i told her my thoughts on it and she just stares at me! like i'm an idiot.
i even showed it to her.

me: " we came in b/c he never gets a reaction like this. he may get a red dot like a bite a couple days after the shot but it's been a week and i thought maybe it was the MMR vaccine that cause such a big irritated area."

her immediate response: "what makes you think it would be the MMR?"
and she didn't say it nicely. she just sounded snotty, like i didn't know what i was talking about.

at this point i'm frustrated.

me: "well it's the only shot he hasn't had before. well, he did get the chickenpox too, but the list ya'll gave me said symptoms for mmr show up 1-2 weeks after the shot is given and it's been a week so i figured the MMR made sense."

she looks right at me without batting an eye and says : " but he didn't get the MMR in that leg."

me: " whatever! i asked the nurse on the phone if they documented what legs got what shots and all's she said to me was that i needed to bring him in regardless of where the shot was given b/c they needed to know if it was a reaction to the virus or just an aggravated shot sight."
(common sense would tell me that he got both new shots in the same leg b/c he had such a bad reaction.what i think happened: he got the MMR and the pneumonia vaccine in the same leg, and the flu and the chicken pox in the other. either way he still got 2 new shots in 1 leg and thus resulted in a very inflamed shot sight.)

the nurse just stared at me for a minute. and then she left.
she just left!!!
a few minutes later the dr came in. examined the area and said it was normal!! i knew that it was mostly normal though it looked terrible! b/c he wasn't bothered at all by it. but it's always better to be safe than sorry. but your stupid nurse wanted me to come in. if it had been a reaction to the shot wouldn't he have shown the bigger symptoms like seizures and stiffness and fever and all that? rather than just an enflamed rather large area around the where the shot was given? i swear sometimes a mother is smarter than her dr!

then she tells me "don't be surprised if he breaks out in a rash from head to toe in another week."
great. thanks for the warning.
so remind me if i freak out next week about a rash.
and then she says he has to come back next month for a 2nd flu shot.
what? no one mentioned that last week.
"yeah this is the first year he gets the shot so he gets 2."
that makes no sense unless they can't give babies a full dose.
i kind of feel like they just had me come in today so they could squeeze more money out of my insurance co.

i called my insurance co. when i got home.
i had been thinking about getting TJ set up at my clinic b/c it's literally 5 minutes up the road.
it's just so much easier to run him up the street rather than spend 30 minutes to make what is less than a 10 mile trip to the dr if you could cut straight thru to the office, but know that it takes that long b/c you have to stop at a million red lights and there's always bad traffic and you have to hope on this hwy and then dodge over to that hwy and dodge the tolls in between.

the dr i wanted to get TJ in has reached her max for taking patients with our insurance. the one thing i hate about the military: the free medical is great! but hardly any one wants to take it, or much of it, b/c they never get all of their money.
so i picked a new dr at the same clinic.
the operator suggested i call the clinic to dbl check she was indeed taking new patients.
i did this. yes she's taking new patients. i set us one up for his 2nd flu shot in dec, as crazy as i think it is.
called insurance back. got a new operator. explained the problem to him. explained WHY i wanted to change dr's b/c it's such a big deal to my insurance co to change our PCP! and he says it's not a problem.
until he notices that said dr has "nearly reached her thresh hold for patients with this insurance." he tells me that billing and enrollment won't approve a transfer to her b/c she only has "11 slots open for patients and that's too close to her cut off."
does that make sense to you? if she has the room why can't i ask for a transfer to her?
i ask to submit the request anyway and he says "sure, but my personal recommendation is to find a new dr b/c billing and enrollment will reject this"

then he gives me some schpeel about upping my chances for approval on the new dr if i go and get a letter of acceptance from the dr, fill out the paper form for a PCP change and then take it all the way down into down town austin to the insurance office there so that my request is submitted before the holiday. if we waited til too close to thanksgiving it would be jan before i could see the new dr. which would have been fine b/c we'd be covered by the old dr in the meantime if something came up.
so i politely told him i'd see about doing all of that. hung up. gave it 3 hrs. called back when i was nice and calm and had decided it wouldn't be the end of the world if i had to keep going to the other place. got a new operator. walked him thru my conversation earlier that day with the first operator. left out what the 2nd crazy person wanted me to do. and asked simply to have my request verbally documented and processed.
he takes care of it all and ends the conversation with "once this is approved it should be effective dec 1. but they'll send you a letter out saying whether or not it was approved."

was that so hard??

i figure by the time the new baby is here we'll all have different dr's anyway. my dr's not taking more patients, and those other 10 slots for TJ's hopefully-new dr. will probably be all taken by the time new baby needs a dr. but so long as we can all go to the same clinic at least, i don't think it's that big of a deal.

and my head hurts.
it's that horrible pregnant lady head ache that is caused by the blood vessels expanding due to increased blood flow. my dr says caffeine should help b/c it makes the blood vessels constrict. it doesn't. my head just hurts. all the time. an aching dull pain.it goes away with tylenol but comes back unless i take tylenol all the time! and i don't want to do that b/c of new baby, even though i can take quite a bit. in the long run it is still better not to expose your still developing baby to stuff.

i guess getting off the computer might help this. i guess that's all the irrational bugginess i had to get out.

blad de blad de blah......

2008-11-11T08:03:00.000-08:00

it rained this morning.
it was nice.
but now the sun is going to come out and it's going to be a steamy 80 degree day for freakin' novemeber. gotta love TX right?
i swear one day i am going to have to move up north if i want to experience real Christmas weather.

my coffee is cold.

i need to clean house.
well, pick up house atleast.
i cleaned before i went and spent 5 days at my moms. but now all of our "going out of town" gear is strewn about and needs to be put away.

it's 10am.i'm still in my jammies.

i think, since there's money left over and it's almost pay day. i am going to attack itunes today. i've just learned you can get the Twilight soundtrack already. and there's some other stuff i want. like the new No Justice album.( have no idea how to put music links up but if you haven't heard them and you like contry you'll love them!! They're i believe what they call Red dirt country. TX/OK contry. they really are great. kind of like corey morrow or blue edmonson or Pat green,only better.)

i want to make pumpkin cake. i just can't seem to get motivated. and it's not even hard!!

oh well, i guess i better go and do something productive before teege wakes up from his nap.

Aunti shades!

2008-11-04T08:09:00.001-08:00

how's this for messy?? :)
dinners like this always end with an early bath!

almost forgot....

2008-11-02T08:56:00.000-08:00

here's some of my favorite NICU pics.

here's the pics of the flight nurses getting him ready to go in the helecopter.
see? they really do glow!

baby TJ is in that big box looking thing but you can't see him. they called after they got him to the new hospital and told me he slept the whole way there.

and here's some birthday pics from last weekend:

reflections

2008-11-02T07:02:00.000-08:00

one year ago today:

i was laying in the living room floor at about 10 am thinking to my pitiful self " i have to get up! i need to go fix my hair in case we have to go to the hospital!"

but i could only lay there, with my leg thrown up over the fireplace. there was no way i could get myself standing upright without help.so i called in my husband and asked him to help. when he asked me why i wanted to get up i explained. he laughed. not in a bad way. just in one of those guy like "that is the silliest thing i have ever heard. but i am going to humor her so i don't loose a limb."

i had to sit on the edge of the bath tub while wielding my flat iron skills. i was so tired. and achy. and i just didn't feel good.

flash forward:

i went out with TJ to run some errands. i had had success the day before - when i thought i was in labor also-with moving around helping stop contractions.that was what the book said to do. the contractions would stop with activity if they were false labor contractions. so i went out and rode around while TJ picked up transcripts from the local college.

when we got home i started to cry when i had to get out of the truck. i just could thinking of climbing down to the ground. TJ drives a plain old chevy silverado 4x4. it's not that big. oh but it felt so very high up that day. i sit in the front seat and cry. as TJ comes around to help me down i just cry harder b/c crying made the cramping and aching in my belly and legs worse.

"well i could have told you that!" he chuckles as he helps me climb from the seat.

"maybe we should call the hospital" he suggests.

"not yet. i want to eat lunch first. i don't want to go and then have them send me home b/c it's not real labor."

i prepared a lovely lunch of grilled cheese and tomato soup.......i never got to eat it.

as soon as i sat in my chair i jumped right back up.

"i can't sit down!!" i screeched.

TJ is sitting in the chair - looking at me like i have gone nuts

i'm pacing - no, more like dancing - about the kitchen. shaking my arms and hands like i'm preparing for a boxing match.

i felt like i was having the worst back pain in the world! the kind of back ache that comes with "aunt flo" only it was, well, impossible. all's i could do was stand up and lean over the counter with me head in my hands.

wave one went away almost as quick as it had come.
i sit again. only to experience the exact same thing.

on wave 3 i asked TJ to please bring me my cell phone so i could call L&D at the hospital.

there was no since in calling the dr. it was friday. there was no way i could get in to be seen. i just wanted the hospital to know we were on our way.

the nurse there tried to contact my dr at the clinic -which is part of the hospital thank GOD!
with no luck she told me to go ahead and come in. skip all the admissions and registration, just come straight up stairs.

we were out the door when the phone rang again. the dr had called the nurse back and told her to have me come to the clinic first.

i have no idea how i made it from the parking lot up to the clinic. i remember the nurse calling me name and when she saw me leaning against the wall, breathing thru my teeth with my eyes shut tight she says "are you in labor?" all shocked like she thought i was crazy- or possessed.

i glared at her "i hope so b/c if this is false labor i will die before this baby is ever born! i can't move right now, give me just a sec.

she stands there waiting. and then puts me thru the routine check in. vitals. weight check. blood pressure. urine sample.

i have no idea how i made it thru all that other than sure fire will.

flash forward:

i was admitted to the hospital between 2 and 3 that afternoon.
baby TJ was on his way.

the nurses yelled at me for moving when i got my epidural. you're not supposed to do that. of course. a giant needle in your back, why would you move? funny thing,even though i was still having crazy close together contractions,all's i could think about when i was having my epidural was that there was a totally young and VERY HOT anaesthesiologist performing the task and my butt was showing.

they eventually had to let my body labor the baby down before i do any real work b/c lo and behold those epidurals kick ass!! i couldn't feel anything! which means that i could DO anything to get the baby out. so they turned the dose down. they turned it down a little the first time. nothing happened. so the next time the dr came in she had the anaesthesiologist come back and turn it down again. another hot dr! at least me butt wasn't showing this time! he turned it down so low that i could feel, well, more than hoped for. my back was on fire.i was terrified.i even tried to tell my dr that i was too tired to do anymore at one point.

no one listened. once i got over being scared everything clicked in to place.

Baby Timothy James was born at 9 33 pm. weighing a healthy 7lbs 10oz. he was 22 inches long.

he never cried. he kind of screeched -like a dinosaur. then he would just moan. kind of wheez.

his lungs were still full of fluid. the pediatrician on staff said "as wierd as it sounds he just doesn't smell right. all new babies have a new born kind of smell right after they are born and they all pretty much smell the same. he smells off. with the leak you had in your water going undetected we don't know how long he was unprotected. he needs intravenous antibiotics and we need to get his lungs clear and i think ti's in his best interests to send him to the NICU over in temple."

it took them 2 hours to come and get him.

which means that he wasn't totally as seriously threatened by death as i thought.looking back on it now i'm sure it wasn't as tragic of a situations as it felt at the time. but in my new mommy brain all's i could think of was that they were sending him away b/c he was sick and it was bad.

they had him on oxygen.

no one brought him to me though he was just across the room.i had to ask to hold him before they took him away. i had to ask to try and nurse him -actually my sister asked for me b/c i was so confused about things i wasn't thinking about nursing him before we were separated for days at a time.

i got to hold him and cuddle him and try and nurse him for a few minutes.

then his oxygen level alarm went off b/c it got too low and the nurse took him back. it was too risky for him to be messed with.

all's i could do then was sit in my bed and watch him from a distance.

the helicopter came with a team of nurses to prepair him for his first helicopter.i'll put up pics of this. their flights suits had reflective material on them. when ever one of the nurses got in a photo their suits would light up. they look like angels come to see him safely thru.

they put leads on him hooking him up to monitors for his breathing and his heart.blood was drawn. they wrapped him in blankets and put him in an incubator.

once all was settled and ready to go they wheeled him away.

i didn't even get to tell him good bye.

flash forward:

we were released from the NICU a week later. on November 9th.

the baby and i were separated for a mere 48 hrs or so -if that. it seemed like forever.

I made big TJ go with the baby. he needed us. and i couldn't go. TJ still says to this day that was the hardest thing he ever had to do was leave me after everything i had just been thru, even though he knew the baby needed him more. i had to just about force him. managing to convince him finally that i would be fine b/c i was old enough to tell folks what i needed and the baby wasn't. he needed a familiar voice amongst all the chaos. and i knew that my parents wouldn't leave me alone under the circumstances.

the days spent in the NICU were almost sleepless- alot of that was due to hormones and adrenaline overload. the rest was due to pure new parent worrying.

with his conditions and breathing lapses and chocking spells -mostly due to him not clearing his airways well when he would spit up- and the reflux we were put thru an infant cpr class. that was tough for me to get thru. especially since the day they asked us to go was the day we found out that he had chocked on his own bile and quit breathing long enough to turn blue.

he was the healthiest baby in the nicu. had he not been hooked up to all those machines he might have suffocated himself if not for the oxygen alarms.

teege was sent home with an apnea monitor to avoid any future serious breathing lapses and a couple of medicines for the reflux.

on a lighter note: some humor we found during our stay: the dr that did his circumcision was named dr. whacker.

isn't that funny!!

when he was 3 months old he was removed from the apnea monitor. the specialist that we took teege to see looked at the monitor activity and examined him well and instructed us to "get rid of that machine. it's doing you more harm than good. he's just having normal infant breathing lapses that all babies have, most parents just don't know they have them b/c not everyone is sent home with a monitor."

at 4 months his dr had us start him on cereal. it would either worsen the reflux or make it better.

it helped tons! and he was off his meds by 5 months.

he is now a healthy loud rough tough little boy.
he is a happy kid! he never cries or fusses unless his teeth hurt, he is hungry or tired. i have to monitor his diaper changes or he would sit in a wet diaper all day. he just doesn't care.

he cut his first 2 teeth at the same time at 7 months old.

he was crawling by 8 months.

he was pulling up on furniture by 10 months and cruising around while holding on to things by 11 months.

and today he is 1 year old.

he dances to music. he loves to bop around to the theme for General Hospital.

he thinks everything is some kind of wonderful new treasure.

and he loves to learn new things!

he picks stuff up off the floor he doesn't think he should have - like pieces of dog food or plastic or wads of dog hair -and brings them to me to throw away.

he knows when i have food. i can't eat anything when he is awake without having to sneek it if i don't want to share!

he says "da da" and "ko ko(which is the name of one of our cats.) "nana" for banana. and "nye nye" for "nite nite" when he's ready to go to bed. yes! that's right. it's very helpful. when he's ready for sleep he tells us! he only says "mama" when prompted. unless he is crying. then i don't hear the end of it.

he loves to turn the lights on and off.

he has 5 teeth.

we are introducing baby signs and he can tell me when he see or wants to see the dogs.
when he wants "more" of something to eat or when he "all done" with what he is eating.

he is a joy.

he can be extremely hard to keep up with at times b/c he is super fast. and i get tired of chasing him at time. but i can see what a wonderful gift he is.

we are blessed. i believe that, even though alot of his problems found in the nicu were fixable and probably somewhat normal for new borns, we are lucky to have him.
i love you little baby!
my precious little boy!
I hope that the world is kind to you.I hope that you stay a little boy for as long as you can because no one should have to grow up before their time.there is much responsibility that comes with being a grown up so enjoy your time as a kid.But more than that I pray that you are never afraid to take on the challenges that life offers and learn from each mistake you make along the way. Life carries great lessons. Find eagerness to learn them.

You are a blessing to us. A gift that will never go without us giving thanks for.

you make me very happy little one! you have presented to me a new meaning for life.

I love you always.

Happy Birthday.

May there be many many more to come!

halloween pics

2008-11-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

here he is folks!
Baby Rambo!
it was all big TJ's idea.
and it was PERFECT!
everyone knew who he was dressed as. he even carried his candy bag like a big boy!
all's we had to do was cut up a red t-shirt for the band around his head and find some dark clothes. we ended up with a pair of green camo pants and a black t-shrit. and i muddies up his face with wet and dry brown eye shadow.
it was such fun!
the pictures didn't stay in the order i up loaded them in(which irritates me) but at least they are here.

leaving in the waggon

look at all the candy!

hhmmmmm.......you mean we go out and run from door to door and ppl hand out free candy?

daddy and me walking down the street(we went with some neighbors. thier kids were a clown, a pumpkin, and a skelton)

the finishing touches are added and it's time to hit the candy trail!

i did it!

2008-10-31T14:11:00.001-07:00

this is going to sound like a silly post to most of you. but it was a big thing for me.

i voted today.

by myself.
those stupid electronic machines weren't going to hold me back!

i took teege with me, strapped him in his stroller, looked horrifyingly at the VERY LONG LINE of ppl streaming out of the public library and cowered there in the parking lot, on the phone with my mother, wondering if i had it in me to wait THAT LONG! it's early voting folks! hadn't you already done this? shouldn't you be at work at 9 30 in the morning? where did they all come from!
jeeze!
it was growing steadily closer to nap time, and even closer to the moment where i knew that "new baby" was going to demand that i EAT SOMETHING!
but i loaded us all up and off we went, hurrying across the parking lot trying to get in line before anyone else showed up!!

good grief.

as i took my place in line a nice lady came out to make sure that everyone had what they needed to vote. then she rambled on about the "other 2 voting locations that have very minimal waiting. the ymca and the ACC college campus......." both were across town from where i stood. and i was deathly afraid to put teege back in his car seat and unload him again. i could feel the melt down coming on. i knew he'd be happier if left alone. ".........please be aware that once you hit the sidewalk the wait is 25 to 30 minutes" i'm looking up ahead, way ahead, at the sidewalk, wondering how long it will take me to get up there. also the "clerks" kept marching down the side walk yelling at folks to "turn off their cell phones once they entered the building b/c the computers were crashing!" i turned mine off before i ever got close to the front doors.

i see several women in line up ahead with more than one kid and finally i figure to myself that since i had thought to bring all the staples needed to stave off any serious events of craziness i could stand there amongst the other crazies trying to beat out standing in line for hours on election day. i knew if i didn't do it now i never would. so i quit trying to think up reasons to get out of line and come home.
besides i just felt quilty when i thought of NOT voring.and it had been bugging me ever since TJ started going on and on about how if he didn't do it today he either wouldn't get to or he'd have to vote absintee -since he's leaving this weekend for OK-which neither of us know anything about and i just felt guilty every time i though to myself "it's really not that big of a deal."

well, yeah, i mean, it could be my "non vote" that tipped the election in the direction that i didn't want it to go!(not that i can say much about how i want the election to go b/c i do not follow politics. i never have. this is only the 2nd time i have voted in my life! i just don't pay attention to it. i never have. until i met TJ. he's all over the politics, and the stocks and bonds. he knows about all that stuff. i feel so dumb sometimes when he's rambling on about these types of things b/c i have no idea how it's supposed to be, or how we should "Want it" to be, or even what he's talking about)

anyway, all in all i was there from start to finish for 30 minutes. give or take. not nearly as bad as i though.
there were 2 life saving little girls there with their mother. they were tori-5, and marlee-3 and they were the BEST DISTRACTION for me and little tj. they played peek a boo and patted his head and talked to him and IT WAS GREAT!

once i came in to view of the room we were to vote in i started to shake. literally.
those machines were HUGE! and so intimidationg looking. enough that i actually felt sorry for the old man standing behind me. i felt like there was no way he'd figure it out!
and no one told me when i went to vote for my very first time that you could vote straight party so i sat there, in my little box, filling in each bubble, like an idiot.
so i was totally grateful for the sweet old ladies that were patrolling the room giving instructions and helping everyone at least get up to the point where they could cast their vote.
it really wasn't a big deal.
but i felt so big for going and doing it all by myself.
especially since it's not something i have ever cared about before, nor am i familiar with the process -which was more the problem than anything
and no. i made sure not to check each box this time.
nope. i knew all about voting straight party this time.

oh, and when i relayed all this to TJ when he was on his way back from ft hood and told him he might want to try one of the other voting places b/c the library just seemed to be way popular!(the library moved over 1500 voters yesterday and the other 2 places moved less than 1000 combined.) he went to the YMCA and waited for - yup- about a minute. there were like 3 ppl in line when he got there.
i should have been brave enough to load us up and try it out.
oh well.
i guess all the folks down here only know where the library is.

a note

2008-10-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

grey's hasn't started yet.
teege is in bed.
though my kitchen is a mess i just had to stop and say that
I WANT TO PUT UP CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!
it's supposed to be in the low 40's tonight! that's totally Christmas holiday weather!
my heater is on and waiting! i just may fix me up a cup of hot cocoa once i figure out what i'm having for supper -that way it will be the perfect temp for dessert.

i love Christmas yes i do! i love Christmas, how 'bout you?!!

i know it's ridiculous that Christmas comes earlier every year. i mean, walmart had the Christmas decorations out on the shelf at the same time they put all the Halloween stuff up! but if i did have it my way, Christmas would be a season in itself. i mean, it kind of is b/c most ppl start decorating and listening to holiday music the day after thanksgiving, but i think Christmas should last like fall or summer does. for months at a time!!

yes, call me crazy. my husband will very much agree with you! i turned on a Christmas movie our first and very recent cold snap of the fall season.(he was still in bed, i figured i could get away with it!) The Santa Clause with Tim Allen - love that movie!Have all 3 of them but the first one is the best.
TJ just shook his sleepy head at me and plopped down in his recliner until i reluctantly told him he could turn on something else. i knew what was coming:
football! over a Christmas movie? come on!

i would have been the greatest Mrs. Clause!

quick post

2008-10-23T07:20:00.001-07:00

so you might not see me for a while.
i have a birthday party to get ready for! and since it's just me to clean up and straighten out the house and make cupcakes for 25 ppl -which means i should probably make enough for each person to have 2 (THAT'S A LOT OF CUPCAKES!)- starting today you may not see me around much.
i'm dividing the house work up over a couple of days, and i guess i'll spend saturday on the cupcakes -which just leaves the decorating to do sunday -and the cupcakes to frost i guess(i hope).

after that TJ has taken leave for all of next week. he leaves for ft sill the following weekend so he'll be home all next week which means again that you probably won't see me much.

Don't worry. i have learned my lesson about cleaning my house spotless before a ton of ppl come over. it doesn't matter. no one notices and the house is dirtier when everyone leaves than it was before you cleaned it so they could show up. i'm just going to do the basic easy stuff where folks will see it -vacuuming the living room, dusting in the rooms ppl will see b/c it needs to be done anyway and there will be time, spruce up the guest bath,only sweeping the kitchen (no mopping here)b/c - face it - there's going to be at least 5 kids that are old enough to have a cupcake at the party -so i'm sure i'll have ice cream dripped and cupcake smashed on the floor by the end of the day.

by the way -does anyone have any idea about beverages?
i though of making punch, and then decided that was taking it too far. a couple of different sodas, maybe a kind friendly drink like koolaid or juice? no, koolaid is out. i already know my sister in law doesn't give her kids koolaid b/c of the dye and my neighbors kids really only drink water. maybe i should make a punch? no, that really does seem silly. punch is for like weddings and baby showers. of course there's nothing faster than throwing together ginger ale or 7up and lime sherbet-that always makes great punch!
HEY! what about lemonade?? everyone likes lemonade! i'd buy the country time brand -it's great. and there's no dye! ooooooooohhhh!! pink lemonade!!! well, i bet pink lemonade has dye in it, but not as much as say Hawaiian punch koolaid -which my sister -shades- and 2 of my cousins used to tease me was bats blood when i was a kid. i still have a hard time drinking that!LOL!
i think i just solved my own problem! blogging really does help you think sometimes!

anyway, i better get going if i'm going to get this done. i'll be sure to post pics-eventually. my baby is turning one!

sweet moments.....

2008-10-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

this morning started out more than frustrating. but even these kinds of times do have moments worth reflecting on.

when big TJ is home the weekends are lazy and quiet. but the morning that he gets up early to go back to work proves more than irritating. every time.

it's the gosh darn alarm system. it beeps when you disarm it. and teege wakes up every time. it's usually done in the wee hours of morning. you know, at the butt crack of dawn. i have told TJ time and time again - we need to figure out a way to do this more quietly. teege is a sensitive sleeper. and each time tj tries to be quieter than the last and each time i think he's being louder.

it started at 5 15 this morning. we turn off the alarm alarm and the anticipated wails come over the monitor.
i gave teege a solid hour before going in. i just let him cry it out. i try my hardest not to go in and mess with him until it's 7 30 or later. thinking ahead -my goals for long term -what time do i want my toddler to get up down the road? 6 30? 8? so i try and make him wait it out til at least 7 30. some days it just doesn't work to my favor. some days he goes back to sleep after some good fussing - but today, not so much.

so i go in. quiet him down. lay him back down. go out.
cry cry cry.
this goes on for a good 30 minutes. walk in. walk out. drink of water. pat pat pat.change the diaper. rock rock rock. back in to the crib.
"it's not time to wake up baby."
at some point i'm thinking to myself, "i should just let him get up." but i had a very long busy sleepless weekend and i was drugged up on benadryl to boot. i wanted to go back to sleep.
so i take him back out of the crib and have a seat on the little couch in his room. he eventually settles down. snuggles up. chatters a little bit at the wall. the next thing i hear:
snoring.
sweet. solid. quiet. snoring.
i have trained my child in the ways of independent sleep. he always goes down awake and puts himself to sleep. when he wakes up in the night he is always given the chance to settle himself before i take over. so much so that for me he will never sit quietly and rock or snuggle until drowsy. he always rocks with his daddy, even so far as to be allowed to be rocked to sleep. but i have structured him so well to independent sleep that when i try and have a moment with him he looks at me with this look on his face that says "what are you doing woman? we don't do this! this is not normal!"

but this morning i relished in the moment. as irritated as i was for being roused at 5 15 this morning it was a sweet moment. one that we have not had since his new baby days.
i laid him back in his crib at 7 20. he didn't even stir.
and he slept til 9 30.
so all in all in a way, i got to sleep in.
i do need to learn some discipline when it comes to getting him up in the morning.
i am horrible about turning down the monitor and dozing til i'm good and ready to get up.
this needs some work.
maybe it will be my focus this week.

i wonder......

2008-10-16T07:44:00.001-07:00

you know when i was a little girl and i'd be outside in the fall i would step on acorns and squash them. i liked the hear them "crack" under my feet.
yesterday we went out for a walk. we had a cool front come in and it was 71 degrees all day and it was nice!! and i found myself hopping along the side walk stepping on acorns.did you know that most of the time the green ones "crack" and the brown ones "squish" unless it's just changed from green to brown then it kind of "snaps".

i woke up this morning and looked outside. it's overcast and breezy. a nice chilly 61degrees! i threw open the windows and made the coffee and thought to myself "IT FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS! today would be a great day to make hot cocoa and watch Christmas movies and burn Christmas/winter scented candles!" (forget halloween and thanksgiving! i always want to go straight to Christmas at the first signs of fall!)

speaking of the first sign of fall:
on our walk yesterday there were leaves everywhere! falling out of trees! blowing down the street. rustling with the wind.
and then of course the acorns on the ground. that's always a dead giveaway.

Halloween:
i hate it. never have been much of a fan of it, but living here makes it worse. the folks in this neighborhood decorate for Halloween just like it is the night of the living dead. seriously!
i have always put out a pumpkin on the porch and such - and if i were going to decorate it would put out like a friendly scarecrow and nice looking ghost and maybe carve a few happy pumpkins.
there are ppl over here who hang dead bodies out their trees. some of the scary stuff doesn't bother me. like the skeletons and some of the witches - but dead bodies? that is just overdoing it! totally gives me goosebumps.
there's a house on the street behind us that i won't even walk by without crossing the street. there is a head separated from a body on the roof, 4 dead bodies hanging in the trees -some upside down and some by a noose- and one of which hangs over the sidewalk so you have to walk under it to pass by. it's just creepy. i think halloween should be, well, not scary. of course i don't like to be scared anyway. i just wish that folks decorated more tastefully for it. some of the folks around here outshine their christmas decorations with what they do for halloween. that is disappointing. i remember touring the neighborhood right after we moved in to see if folks went all out for christmas like they did halloween. some did better. some didn't even put anything up at all. then again the street behind us is always decorated the WORST for halloween and the BEST for christmas out of the whole subdivision -maybe they have a contest i don't know about. still, i wish folks put out friendly fun decorations for halloween.

on a much more uplifting note i will leave you with this story:

a gift:
have you heard that song "i saw God today" by George Strait? it's all about the little gifts that God gives us everyday to show us "I'm still here. I will always be here" . like when you see a flower growing up out of the middle of the sidewalk. the birth of a new born baby....things like that.
my mother came to visit one day when i had a dr's appt. not to long ago. we went for a walk that morning. and i see up ahead a sparkly hair comb. it looked like a butterfly covered in dozens of shiny jewels.it was just there on the sidewalk -glittering brightly. i stopped for a closer to look.
it took me several seconds of peering down at it before i realized what it was.
"mom look at this!" i said as she had wandered past me some. she comes back and looks down at the pretty comb with me.
"IT'S A LEAF!" i exclaimed!
one of those giant leaves - a perfect shaped fall leaf -like maybe the leaf from the sycamore tree - i don't know that we have those around here but it didn't look like an oak leaf.i googled tree leaves and that was the closest i could come to it was a sycamore tree leaf.
anyway it was covered in giant spots of dew! the whole thing! it glittered brilliantly under the morning sun! i honestly felt like i had been given a gift. stumbled across a jewel that had fallen out of someone's pocket.
i believe that God was saying hello to me that day.
i was completely awed. stunned to silence.

can your head blow up from too much drama?

2008-10-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

so after spending most of day going back and forth with the clinic and the insurance company the supervisor at the insurance place told me to call patient billing for the clinic and ask them to try and refile the claim using certain other codes.

so i did. i called and got this great lady named Debbie who listened quietly while i explained the whole entire confusing story to her and all's she said was "this actually happens all the time with this particular insurance. they have already paid the physicians fees for this bill, so there is no reason why they shouldn't pay the rest. we'll appeal with them for you, to pay the rest of the bill. don't worry about it unless you get another bill from us. they usually end up paying all of it in the end."
i wanted to cry. i spent from 9 am to 3 pm yesterday making call after call to figure something out. i should have called the billing dept in the first place. Debbie just laughed at me and said "always remember to call billing first if you have a question. we'll tell you if you need to call your insurance. most of the time we can take care of it for you. so just call us first next time."

i wanted to sit in the floor and cry after that. i could have gotten so much done yesterday if it weren't for this mess!

moving on:

our house phone, cell phone, Internet, and digital cable service are all thru at&t. we get separate bills for everything. we went to an att store back in august and they sold us on the idea of combined billing for our house and cell phones. pay it all at once, rather than get 2 bills. we thought sure, why not? so we signed up. they told us "don't pay your cell phone bill on the 1st of sept. just wait til you get your phone bill on the 15th and pay it all then." so the 15th comes and we get our land line bill and it's the same 55$ it always is. so i call the company, wanting to pay something on our cell phones so they don't get cut off. only since we signed up for combined billing we can't do that! how the plan works: it takes 2 to 3 billing cycles for the bills to catch up and combine, in the meantime you simply pay what your land line bills says and the company pays the cell phone portion for you. so when the billing cycles catch up you get one combined bill.

WHAT THEY FAILED TO MENTION WAS THAT YOU GET ONE HUGE ASS BILL B/C THE COMPANY HAS BASICALLY BEEN EATING THE CELL PHONE CHARGES UNTIL THEY COULD BILL US FOR EVERYTHING!! SO WE HAVE 3 MONTHS OF CELL PHONE CHARGES TO PAY FOR. making our lovely combined phone bill a whopping $584.00!!!!!
someone did say we could pay extra on our land line bill and it would just keep showing as credit until the bills combined. but by then it was too close to time for it to catch up so we just kind of said screw it. now i wish we hadn't.
i'm sorry but there certainly was a better way to explain it b/c had we known this was how it was done we never would have signed up for it, they never even told us it took so long to catch up or we'd have to pay so many months of cell charges combined! and it shouldn't have taken me 4 phone calls and 4 different operators later to finally understand how it worked, upon which i did tell the operator "well this kind of sucks! ya'll really should try and figure out a better way to do this so folks aren't hit with such big bills for a service that should be fairly convenient."

something else: or BAH is going down. it's not much. the army allows us like 1300.00 for housing each month. basically they make our payment for us. it goes up or down depending on where you're stationed.well since TJ is working in a different town, where the cost of living is cheaper, they dropped our housing allowance.even though we live in a different town where everything costs more.
the thing that makes this bad is that it's not going down enough to matter really,a couple hundred bucks i think.but they're taking it all at once off one check.
TJ hasn't gotten his fed rec orders yet. when he is federally recognized as a military officer he will finally start getting paid as an officer. he's still working as a 2nd LT at a new location and he is still getting E6 pay - there is a significant difference in the pay. the bright side is we'll get back pay from the day he commissioned in July -so once it all kicks in he will get a lump sum for working as a 2nd LT already. the down side, they're taking the difference in the BAH from one place of work to the next all at once. once his pay changes to his new rank and place of work it'll go down, where as right now his pay still has him at the old location.that's 500-800$ we won't see of the back pay that we'll be getting. i guess they're not taking it off one pay check, they'll deduct it from the back pay -hopefully.
it's like that time he changed units and he got paid for the whole month from the new unit and the old. we had an extra 3000.00 we had to pay back. we put it in savings so we could just send it back in(it was direct deposit) and they made us pay it out over a period of 3 or 4 years at 1% interest. i know. it's not much. but it was frustrating. i don't know why we couldn't just send it all at once.
the army: the way they do things just irritates me sometimes!

oh, all of my shows on tv last night were reruns!! The new 90210 and Privileged. thank GOD i had stuff on the DVR to catch up on. but tuesday night is my favorite tv night and i was so mad! i mean, last week there were no previews for 90210,but there were for privileged. and then they're both reruns! WTF?
and then 90210 doesn't even come on next week!
i hate it when they start a new season of something and show reruns after just a few episodes or go 2 weeks without showing anything! like grey's anatomy! i love this show too! and the season premier was a 2 hr show and then nothing for 2 weeks! what's up with that!! come on! you just started the season and your going to show one episode and then take a couple weeks off. i was totally irritated.
there is more stuff on tv this fall that i have gotten hooked on than there has ever been before.
there's atleast 1 if not 2 shows on monday thru friday that i'm trying to juggle. thank god teege naps twice a day still or i'd never get them all watched.

alright. it's lunch time and the hungry child is calling. i'm still in my jammies anyway and it's almost noon around here.
but i did get the floor vacuumed. that counts for something. it's not like anyone is here to care that i'm not dressed or have washed my face yet anyway.

i have had enough!

2008-10-14T07:38:00.000-07:00

i just can't help feeling like this whole mess with the insurance company is NOT my fault -even though it very likely is.

let me start at the beginning. i will try and keep it short and as nonboring as possible.

when we moved here i started going to a clinic. i had heard good things about them from folks i worked with. the insurance covered said clinic. so i picked a PCP and off i go for a visit.

the dr i picked for my PCP got harder and harder to get in to see right after i became her patient. i went for one visit. ONE!(this was several years ago now) and after that she dropped back to working part time. every time i called for an appt it was like a month before she could see me - for ANYTHING! so i always ended up going to see a certain other dr.

i called the insurance company about changing my PCP to the other dr i was always going to see and they said "as long as that clinic files their insurance as a group you can see any dr there without any problems." so i continue going to see the new dr there and have had no issues with insurance claims or anything.

until now.

when i went in in september it all surfaced!

my original PCP had retired. so to the insurance company i was doctor-less. so when the bill went to them along with me lovely referral for prenatal care it was all kicked back.
i tried and tried to explain to the insurance that i had been going to this particular dr for 3 yrs and i was not a new patient. but to them -and to their damn computers - i was.

i guess the issues was that even though i was seeing a different dr than my original PCP that i could never get in to see ,all of my insurance claims were filed under theoriginal pcp's tax id #. so here i go to get a pregnancy test - a $165.00 pregnancy test! - and now i have to foot the bill for it?? even though she's been my dr for how long??

i called the insurance company to see if they were going to pay it and the lady tells me that my new dr -who really isn't my new dr to anyone but their computers- was only my dr as of sept 15th of this year. my office visit was for sept 9th. so even though i went in on the 9th and they submitted a referral on that same day for prenatal care they didn't get the request to have my pcp changed to my NEW/OLD dr until the 15th -when we found out the referral had been kicked out due to being submitted by a dr other than my pcp -even though i'd been seeing her for years.

are you following me here?

so i called the clinic and left a message with the nice woman at the referral desk to see if there was another way around this.
i also called the insurance ppl and left a message with the supervisor that was helping me get my pcp changed in the first place.

i just want to scream!
maybe i'll call the billing department at the clinic and see if they have any brilliant ideas.

stupid stupid stupid.

on the bright side:
i was able to drink coffee this morning! i
have missed my coffee! the sight and the smell of it have repulsed me for so long!since the day i got pregnant pretty much.
and then yesterday i see it!
in the refrigerated section at the grocery store!
my beloved limited edition international delight pumpkin spice coffee creamer!
you can only get around the fall/winter holidays.
and it finally comes in a normal sized BIG 32 oz bottle!
for years i have had to by small bottles of it.(i think about half the size or a normal flavor) i'd buy 5 or 6 bottles at a time and stick them in the freezer. i'd stock pile enough to get me at least thru the spring. it's the best stuff!
so whether i could stand it or not i was having a cup of coffee this morning.
and it was lovely!!!

the ball is rolling!

2008-10-10T08:58:00.000-07:00

i only have a a minute!
nap time is coming to an end -well it's already over but he's happy in there chatting to himself so i'm stalling!

things with the insurance are finally resolved and i had my first appt this past wednesday.
come to find out the dr wouldn't have even seen me til the 10th week anyway so it didn't matter that the insurance was being so difficult.

i got to see the baby on the sauna gram. it was in there wiggling around, you could see it's little stubby arms flapping and the head bobbing around. heart beat was at a very steady 176bpm.
i'm feeling much better this week. i was puking last weekend but some of that i think was due to not enough rest and being too hungry. it's just too hard to eat when you feel sick. then your stomach gets too empty and decides it's going to turn on you!

i've had a UTI -which the dr decided i wasn't over so the took another sample and sent it off to the lab rather than doing a dip test on it. she thinks i may need more medicine. but we're still waiting on results.

i'm totally craving chicken lomein - i think we are eating out tonight!

baby is due may 7th.

i think that's all of the major stuff i wanted to tell you about.

now i just have to gear myself up to make like 4 dozen cupcakes for teege's 1 yr birthday coming up.
the guest list is topping 30 ppl. wow! i always forget between my family and TJ having 2 sides of moms and dad's and grandparents(his parents are divorced and remarried) that i was almost afraid to invite non family folks. but i did anyway. there's, 2 possibly 3, families coming that are of no relation to us. everyone else is family. it's going to be some party! i wonder if we should have it at the park instead of the house. my house won't hold this many ppl. well, i guess we could get a few tables and put them outside.
it's just cupcakes and ice cream anyway.
nothing fancy.

ok. my child is calling.
i'll try and do better about blogging.
there's just so much going on.
and most of the time i just want to sleep sleep sleep!

I GOT IT!

2008-09-25T08:29:00.001-07:00

it's the vitamins!
the prenatal vitamins are making me sick! i didn't take them yesterday and i could actually do stuff! i even cooked!
i made a big pot of potato soup and corn bread! of course i'm sharing with my neighbor and her kids today b/c the recipe makes a ton!
i took the vitamins before bed to see if that helped.
the mistake:
i've been taking an extra b6 to help with the nausea. b6 is some kind of energy supplement or whatever.
so i got next to no sleep.
i won't be doing that tonight.
i figure i'll deal with the vitamins until i can get to the dr and get her opinion. it's pretty common that the vitamins make pregnant women sick. the vitamins aren't for the baby anyway. they are for you. the baby's gunna take what it needs from you, so you have to dbl up to replace what life the kid sucks out of you!

anyway, i'm gunna switch up the vitamins for a bit and take them at bedtime and then maybe i'll sleep thru the icky feeling part.

oh, and i called the insurance company again b/c the lady never called me back like she said she would. again.
i left a message. an hour ago.
this is ridiculous!

9 months

2008-09-24T08:21:00.001-07:00

aren't these great? my neighbor took them.

don't they look professional??

i'll get some more up soon!

update

2008-09-24T07:54:00.000-07:00

well how long has it been? nothing new has happened. nothing major or distract.
i've just been sick to my tummy and oh so sleepy that i can't manage to hardly do any thing!
it makes me feel like a bad mommy. teege plays so well by himself. he will sit in the floor with his toys or bang on the coffee table or crawl around but never out of sight -well, hardly ever anyway- that i can manage to just somehow sit on my butt alot of the time. or i can stick him in his play pin. i have even tried to get down on the floor with him during the parts of the day when i feel good and play with him, but he just ignores me most of the time.
we haven't gotten to walk much the last week or so. i used to go every day. and it was the one thing that kept the nausea at bay. now if i can get my breakfast down that's about all i can handle.
this will pass and i'll be able to interact with my kid more. he's just so stinkin' good that he doesn't care if i'm ignoring him! he doesn't seem to notice that's what's going on at this point! but sometimes i want to play with him and i just can't. i feel like i'll puke if i move! other times well, he's so sidetracked with what he's doing that he happily plays away while i lay in the floor next to him, and he ignores me.
i'll just have to do better about catching him at the right times i guess.

i need to put up new pics for ya'll to see. we're coming up on the first year ya know.

TJ's eyes are doing good. they gave him some goop to put in his eyes every night before bed -now that the protective lenses are off -but even with the goop his eye ball still sticks to the inside of his eye lid when he sleeps. not bad. i'm sure it would be worse if he didn't have the goop.
ugh! i can't imagine that that feels like! he says it hurts pretty bad.

i'm tyring to plan teege's first birthday party.
i'm kind of leaning towards thomas the train decorations and cup cakes. it'll just be a small party.
we don't know that many little kids. and then there'll be extra family of course.
oh! we have to have it a week early b/c TJ leaves for OBC on teege's birthday! imagine that! he reports to ft sill on the baby's first birthday. he's totally torn up over it. i told him it'd be fine! we'd just do it early. but that didn't seem to make him feel better.

other than that i am going on 8 weeks pregnant and still haven't been to see my dr yet b/c the stupid insurance is having issues! i've called like every day for the last 2 weeks! and they finally got a supervisor on the case to get things moving. apparently since i wasn't affected by the hurricane i kind of got to take the back seat at getting all of my problems resolved. i'll probably be in my 2nd trimester before i get to be seen.
stupid insurance.
it is free medical.
i can't complain really.
Teege cost over 20K and we didn't have to pay a single penny.

can't complain about that at all.

other than that i am absolutely useless! i can't eat if i have to cook the food first. i've lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 lbs. yesterday i had a huge allergy attack and could smell or taste anything. it was great. i managed to eat almost an entire plate for dinner instead of a blob of this and that. and before that i had a whole can of Mandarin oranges and some bold chex party mix. a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch after i woke up from nap. my neighbor brought me enchiladas for dinner. and then i had some milky way minis and another bowl of cinnamon toast crunch before bed. it was bliss. i didn't have to suffer one second for eating.
i don't know which is worse. feeling so sick or sneezing so bad! i think at this point i'd rather sneeze.
anyway, i'm going to go get some rest while i have the chance.
hopefully i won't be away for so long for my next post.

yesterday......

2008-09-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

i was already feeling bad yesterday.
i was irritated.
at everything.
i wanted to sleep.
every time i managed to possibly get comfortable and drift off something would wake me up!
Big TJ got to sleep most of the day away. i was irritated about this. not at him so much as i was at the fact that the guy can close his eyes and sleep, any time, any where. he totally sleeps on demand. it's not fair. it takes me the better part of 30 minutes to fall asleep b/c i have to find a way to shut off my brain! he just closes his eyes and off he goes.

we went out to dinner last night. it was nice. we went and had mexican food.
we got up to leave and i realized i had locked the keys in the car.
i have a habit of setting them on the seat while i'm getting little tj out of his seat. Big TJ was trying to help but i was worried about him standing out in the sun b/c of his surgery so i was just grabbing things and trying to get inside.
and i locked the keys in the car.
the spare key to my car was in TJ's truck at home.
the keys to TJ's truck were in his pocket.
so we couldn't call a neighbor to get in the house to get the spare and bring it to us.
we also couldn't get a hold of ANY body to come and pick one of us up so we could go get the spare key.
TJ finally called the 800# on the window of the car. (thank God we bought chevys! i love chevy road side assistance.since my car didn't come with onstar.) they sent someone out to unlock our doors and it was free b/c my car still has less than 35000 miles on it. it took us almost an hour from the time i realized what i had done til the time we got home. but the guy who came to our rescue wans't supposed to show up for 40 minutes from the time of the call and he was there in less than 20.
thank you chevrolet! you saved us!

all in all it was far from a perfect day. but i guess it always could have been worse.

an update

2008-09-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

well the dr says the new baby is due may 9. i don't think that's exactly right b/c i didn't have my last cycle dates right when i went in. i'm leaning more towards may 7. however baby tj came a week early so we'll see. this baby is due sometime in may anyway.

the things i like about being pregnant:

i have a great day so long as i exercise. i feel so much better when i'm out walking or doing some yoga or something. (this is always nice. otherwise i just feel sick!)

i have aboslutely flawless, beautiful skin. like i used the worlds most magical facial moisturizer or some super charged foundation that matched perfect in color and texture. my face looks super smooth, i have these huge poors around my nose -kind of in the t-zone are. when i'm pregnant, they disappear. i could get by without wearing makeup for months. i have nice rosy checks and my eyes are so blue you'd think i was wearing contacts. even my eye lashes look blacker! ok, i'm just being wierd now.

the things i don't like:

everything hurts. and i'm not even big!

i am in serious danger of pinching someones head off 24/7

some days i am overwhelmed with the urge to sit down and cry (which used to be very like me during pms before teege was born,but not so much now,well, until i found out i was pregnant)

my stomach is wierd. if i go to long without eating i feel sick. if i eat i feel sick anyway, though not as bad.

yesterday the only thing that made me feel better -chocolate chip cookies.(this could be a VERY bad thing......very bad.)

my face is more oily than normal - but that's probably why my skin looks so young and fresh!

i am TIRED! so very tired! i can't hardly keep my eyes open sometimes!

no alcohol

and i guess there is more to this that i am going to not like down the road. for right now it's just a matter of staying on top of my stomach so it doesn't get the better of me.

i didn't have bad morning sickness with Teege -hopefully i am as lucky this time.

big TJ had PKR(or is it PRK?) surgery on his eyes yesterday. it's a corrective surgery like laysic. he's doing great ;though i did have to fight him in the middle of the night at midnight, 3 am, and 6 am, to take his pain meds and put his drops in. i said "dude. i have given birth recently. you really should stay on top for your pills or you will regret it later."
he's been sleeping pretty much for the last 24 hrs. it's the only thing that keeps his eyes from bothering him.
and he has to wear sunglasses at all times unless he is in the dark for the next month. it's so funny to see him sitting in front of the tv with sun glasses on.(but too much light and activity on his eyes can cause scaring of some kind so it is better just to keep them closed.
he can't drive anywhere for the nest week. it's all up to me if i don't want to be held hostage in this house all week long.

he doens't need too much taking care of. mostly just reminders to take all of his medicine and rest his eyes. i've threatened to beat him a time or two for trying to do to much.

other than that today is my 27th birthday and we are doing nothing b/c he can't really go out anywhere and do anything.
but we will survive. there's not really much we could do anyway besides go out to eat. we can't like go to a movie or anything -i guess we could go wander the mall. it's not bright at the mall so his eyes would be ok. and we could stick the baby in his stroller and he'd have fun!
or we could just sit at home like an old tired couple. (we do that alot anyway)

we are having family over for cake and ice cream saturday. so it's not like the day is going to go uncelebreated. i can't wait for cake! i asked my mom to make german chocolate! YUMMY!

ah cake!
chocolate cake!!

i hope the new baby likes cake.

i am going to be disappointed if i can't handle any!

RANT POST!!!

2008-09-07T17:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend was TJ's first Ball. it was, well, awful. it was nice. things were elegantly set and well planed, almost too planned. i mean, planned to a T. even down to what time we were supposed to be en-route to the ball.
so what made it so awful? let me just indulge in a little bit of fit throwing if you don't mind.

there were 2 sets of students at the commissioning ceremony. the "traditional" students, which numbered somewhere in the 3o's. theses students were the ones who took 18 months to finish OCS. they went one weekend out of each month for 18 months for training. and then there were the "accelerated" students, which numbered somewhere around 15. this is TJ's group. the 15 folks that spent 8 solid weeks away from home, doing ALL of their training at one time.
the ball was all about the "traditional" folks. well, the whole entire weekend was about them actually.

the only ones who got ANY kind of special award were traditional students.(now granted some of the guys in TJ's group probably wouldn't have been in excelent enough shape or have super super smarts -you can't tell me out of that group of 15 that NO ONE was eligible for some kind of award!)

we had to pay 35$ a piece for the banquette. that was 70 bucks of our money for a damn dinner that wasn't even that great.the traditional students got to eat for free.

there was supposed to be a breakfast this morning of breakfast tacos for the group. somehow the "accelerated" students (US) ended up paying 10$ a piece for someone to order 160 donuts.(would that many donuts really cost that much?)

oh, all of the "traditional" students spouses got a special gift for supporting their soldier through all of their hard work and dedication. we got nothing. we were separated for 8 solids weeks - my man worked ten times as hard as the "traditional" guys. they were only gone one weekend a month -which is normal anyway b/c i'm sure that was used in place of their drill weekend!! and i got nothing from the instructors showing their appreciation to me for my endurance and support to help my man be a better officer. BAH!

oh, talk to me about the drink tickets.
when we got to the ball the first hr was just a social hr with a cash bar. our first round of drinks -a jack and coke for TJ and a bottle of H2O for me - cost us 9.25. HOLY COW WE ALMOST LEFT RIGHT THEN. well then this dude was going around handing out free drink tickets. he actually gave us 2 and said "2 free drinks on behalf of the class"
ok.made it sound like he was doing us a favor!
so we spread the word to all of our "Accelerated" friends. they all took turns getting up and chasing the guy with the drink tickets wanting their fair share since we got some. the first guy that asked for his was told "the tickets are only for the traditional students." the guy had to sweet talk the guy to get his. the ticket guy said the same thing to the next guy that asked and he told the ticket guy "i am sick of this traditional student crap. i want my 2 tickets. you gave each of my buddies theirs and i want mine."

while we were waiting for dinner to be served they played this nice slide show put together by the class president of all their hard work and dedication over the last 18 months. even going as far as to show each student and list their rank, name, and state what they were branching. NONE of the accelerated students were anywhere in that video.

oh!!! and all of the accelerated students had a graduation from the accelerated program on July 26. they were told their date of commission would be then. which would mean 1500 dollars in back pay for us. only yesterday they decided to tell them "oops. didn't anyone tell you?? your new date of rank is today. it's only fair since the traditional students are only graduating today." and then when someone had the balls to stand up to them and question it he was told "well 2LT in actuality you are part of class 52(which would be graduating within the next year and a half) so you graduated from calls 52 early, not class 51. which means you are still getting commissioned earlier than you would be." when he said again that he was going to get to the bottom of that they asked him "do you really want to start your new career with a fight?"
come on! it's all b/c someone didn't want to do all the extra paper work.

SO NOW! none of the accelerated guys have any orders yet b/c they have to be FEDERALLY recognized before they can actually start getting paid as 2Lt's. it will be ANOTHER 60 days before we even see the 900$ increase in pay. TJ has been working for the last month in a 2LT slot doing all the regular 2LT work. had he known he wasn't going to have orders until november to actually work as a 2LT he would have stayed in his old slot in austin.
AUGH!

TJ is going to file complaint forms anyway. it's the last step he can take to try and get it straight. they were denied once by some department. but there is a soldiers corrections department they can be submitted to and maybe get it fixed.
a good friend of TJ's told him that it wouldn't look whiny if he filed a formal complaint.it would actually make him look like less of a doormat. show them that you can stand up for yourself and you won't be played!

there was other stupid retarded stuff that happened. but that's the major stuff.

basically we were just all singled out as the black sheep of the group. like they thought we weren't important. and truth be told, our guys are alot smarter and stronger and will make much better officers for getting it all done in one fail swoop!! and not spread out in piddly weekends over a year and a half!!!

i am so mad i could scream!!!!!!

it was totally unprofessional and unfair for them to act that way!

it was worse than high school!!

AUGH!!!

things are going to change.
one day.
with my husband in charge.
things are going to start happening for soldiers they way they should.

ok. i'm done ranting. i just had to get that all of my chest. i thought we were all on the same team. all part of one big group that made some huge accomplishiment. but since they chose to ignore us, i choose to believe that my husaband is a better man than they are.