Sunday, January 10, 2010

a closing statement

i had one last miserable conversation with Delma(TJ's Xgf) this weekend.buti had support this time. 2 of my best girls sat around the table with me while she and i talked (with her on speaker of course)
i could never go toe to toe with her b/c i have zero bitchability(and of course that's all she is) - my heart is too deep.and my friends wanted to scream at me for letting her run me over.truth is i choose not to stoop to her level.i never let her under my skin.
she wanted "clarity" b/c she felt like he was lying to her about us being back together so she called me for the truth. in all honesty i kind of took her side from time to time on things - and i'll never get to say this to her b/c i'll never speak to her - but i had to put it into the universe.and if she ever googles her name for some reason maybe it'll smack her in the face!

"if you want your clarity i will give it to you if you will not interupt me with your manipulative tactics.And this will be the last time you EVER call my house or contact anyone in my family again so listen good b/c it's your only chance for clairity:
What you want is closeure.But you won't get it b/c you don't deserve it b/c you put yourself in this situation knowing full well what it could cost you and you have to pick up the pieces on your own.You want to know where i get my strenght from and most of it is by the grace of God and the rest of it is is who I am b/c my heart goes on forever.I am solid and I am true and you are nothing but an empty heartless shell.You will never be FOR him what I have always been TO him and that is why he came back to me.So have a nice life rotting in hell b/c there is no room in our life for you."

and then i will hang up and that will be that.
she was playing a serious cat and mouse game trying to gain my strenght for standing for my marriage so that she could apply it to their relationship and I was done with it.
she said tons of stuff to try and find a chink in my armor so that I'd get pissed at him and let him go once and for all and it just didn't work for her.
I found out alot of crap from her that i didn't want to know and i don't want any more detail about their relationship.It'll make the healing process that much harder and I don't need any more intrusive thoughts standing in the way of what will be a great thing between my husband and me.
the important thing isn't what happened with them then- it's how we move forward as a family now.
I so wish I could have said all of that to her then but I just couldn't make my brain stir up anything remotely bitchesque.It's not me to behave that way.
so now maybe i'll be able to sleep with that off my chest.I'm proud for never giving in.I would always wonder if we would have made it if i never tried to fight for him.
and i'll never take any of her calls again.
TJ sent the majority of his belongings to her house when he left us and if he never gets it back - fine. that stuff can be replaced.our realtionship can't. and if she destroys it that just makes me look that much better b/c all of his stuff that is still here is still in the place he left it.
we move forward from don't get anywhere living in the past.It's not the affair that buggs me.
what hurts the most is knowing that he left us when we need him the most: with a 20 month old toddler and a 3 month old baby. knowing that i have supported him solidly in his career without thinking twice.always being there and guarding the home front the coutless times he's been away without blinking!I may have complained about it but i did a fine job out here on my own! and he left me when i desperately needed him to support me - to take care of me,to be my constant for a change.
we will get thru it.God is on our long as we keep making good decisions and put all our effort in to healing and growing together,God is gunna do the rest.
I told Delma that. That she didn't have a chance.That he would always be a part of our family and he'd always be my husband b/c God was totally on our side and not her's.She asked me where her God respones: I don't know who or where your God is,but it must not be the same God as mine b/c He's pretty friggin awesome!
I'm so proud of myself i could just spit!!!

Friday, January 8, 2010


Thank you Lord for the new beginning you have created in our life. Thank you for bringing my husband home.This time is different than the last.I know it in my gut.And it's all thanks to you for hearing and answering my prayers.
The road ahead of us is very long and i ask that you give us strength and dedication to eachother and to you.Hold us accountable to make you the center of our life,to build our new life together on your solid foundation.
Continue to speak to me so that i know that i am walking in your way and following your will for my life.
And i pray that you will continually tug at TJ's heart -to bring him in to a place of repentance and humbleness so that he may be made cleansed and renewed in your love.Enable him to come to you for forgiveness so that he will be freed from the guilt he is carrying.
My prodigal spouse has only been brought home by your goodness and's not going to be easy,but it will be wonderful when our marriage is rebuilt the right way! I pray that you would breath life back into our marriage.rekindeling the love that has dimmed or gone out.
Continue to make us new creations in you.To change our hearts so that we can become the man and woman that you designed us to be.
Thank you that you are restoring our marriage.May it always be used for your Glory!!

psalm 126:3
The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy!