Friday, October 30, 2009

Thursday, October 29, 2009


the butthead called last night all crying and pathetic saying "i can't do this anymore.i miss home.i miss the family.i'm calling my attorney and having him throw everything in the trash."

12 hrs later he changed his mind.

i'm going to be put in a mental hospital before this is ever resolved.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Monday, October 26, 2009


it's too bad that i don't know anyone ballsy enough to send these videos off to 'they that shall remain unnamed"
sending it in an email - yeah -it'll never get opened.

maybe they're not even worth my time.

oh well,

ya'll can all dance and sing your hearts out with me!

oh!enough said!

well,this just about says it all

Friday, October 16, 2009


random bits and pieces

my kids are growing up!!
natalie is eating 2 different cereals,carrots,squash and apple sauce!!

TJ-everything is followed with the word 'yuck'. i don't know why,but he uses this word like it was 'and'or 'it'.it's part of every normal sentence.
he's also making full sentences.some of them make sense like "let's rock and then go ny-nyte" which comes out "wock wock anen ny-nyte" or "go find a book" which comes out so normal sounding it's amazing!
and then there's the silly stuff like "mama car.byebye-goin,goin" which means "let get in the car and go somewhere!!" which he did to me at 8 this morning.thank God we have errands to do later,he won't be disappointed.

my counselor wants to me start journaling.i don't want to.i hate journaling!! but i bought some fancy pretty pens to help inspire me!

my husband has had some kind of break thru in some sense b/c he actually admitted the other day that he has been feeling 'so empty'. of couse that was in the same conversation we had about the kids where he wanted me to tell them he'd be here to pick them up on thanksgiving.
kids have no concept of if he comes and gets them great.but i'm not making a big deal out of it.he hasn't been to see them since august and other time he was supposed to see them sense then he always bailed.
he said "i'm not gunna come to town and not see them over the holiday" and i replied with "oh?like you haven't been NOT not seeing them this whole time?"
he said "i know.i got back to el paso and i've just felt so empty"
that could mean anything.
i'm not reading in to it.
but i was glad to see some sort of emotion in him other than self defense.

oh,and the COL is supposed to be evaluating his emotional state this week.
i woudln't care that he's acting crazy if he wasn't deploying.but he's not using good judgement,he's had a very irrational selfish way of thinking as of late so i finally told someone i thought his mental state of mind wasn't what it should be for going in to battle.
he's going to be furious with me. i'd rather they evaluate him and find nothing wrong other than that he's pissed at me -than not say anything and have something horrible happen b/c his decision making process isn't functioning properly.

i'll elaborate on what makes me think he's nuts later.
i have to go get lunch going!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

getting started

well,the judge awarded me child support and temp.spousal support in the amount of 3800 a month.the child support will continue on but the spousal support has a year cap on it.
we're also supposed to be selling the house.i was kind of weezled in to agreeing to it even though i wanted to keep it.i mean,really,who's going to refinance the house to me?i don't have a job yet.
i'm working on it,but it's not gunna happen over night.
so i have to figure out how to buy TJ order to keep it.there's some folks crunching numbers for me.we'll see what kind of options i have.
i also have a neighbor that's willing to watch the kids long term for very little,so if i can get a job,and i have my child support,we could make it here. i'm just trying to get it started.
i can't wait too was put in a legal agreement that i'd put it on the market.of course i can try and buy it from TJ but i can't take too long or i'll get in trouble for not listing it.

other than that the judge ordered that no 'paramours" are to be around our kids at all.THANK GOD!!
we had it put in our little temporary agreement that there were to be no 'paramours' around between the hrs of 8 pm and 8 am if the kids were present.of course that took care of TJ trying to fly the kids up to colorado,and that took care of HER coming here b/c what's TJ gunna do,put her up in a hotel at night?doubtful. so the judge ruled it in the best interest of the children that "no paramours around the kids at all while we're still married". besides that the judge asked for a good reason he should allow it and all's my attorney said was "we don't have an issue judge" and TJ's attorney said "well, i think we're all in understanding that someone is going to move on at some point"
so of course then the judge spoke directly to TJ's table and said not at all.
i had 2 victories in court atleast.the money and his lover not having access to our kids.(the 2 things that would piss him off the most) i'm not happy about the house thing.but if it's ment to be God'll make us a way to stay.and there's that matter of TJ having sole possession of the kids for the 4 days he's home in november and then the 2 weeks of R&R next year -but he was supposed to come see them 3 times last weekend and he didn't,and it's doubtful he'll follow thru at seeing them much at all.maybe some,but not the whole time.he wouldn't know what to do with both of them.not to mention that's roughly 9 months from now,what's to say the kids aren't going to kick up a fuss at the sight of him anyway?

so that's an update.
i'm still holding out some hope and faith that he's going to come around and want us again but it's not hindering my thought process for moving forward and starting a new life.

i will keep you updated as things unfold!

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:22-26