Wednesday, November 26, 2008


TJ is coming home tonight! yay! i haven't seen him in 3 weeks! i was hoping he'd be on the road by now. it's a 6 hr drive. it's 2 45 in the pm. he still hasn't called to say he's on the road. i know they were training part of the day.......... guess i'll just keep waiting.

neighbor comes home tomorrow. so far things haven't felt so dutiful. i've been leaving her dogs out for long stretches to cut down on their need for potty breaks.
before she left -when all of this first started -i told her to find someone else or arrange some to come and scoop cat poo as i was pregnant and could not.
well, truth be told, i could. if i had to.(gloves and mask and all that)which i don't b/c she set someone up to help. or so i thought. i do it for mine on the rare occasion i put the box down. but it's more of a pick up and dump whole box arrangement. not the detailed clean out for fresh spots to go.
anyhoo, she asked the 9 yr old neighbor girl if she knew how and would she mind helping. all was set. she left me a home number and a cell to call when needed.
i called monday b/c the girl who helped last week (another someone else) didn't touch the boxes. left a message. got nothing.
so i called at dinner time last night.
left another message.
the mother called me back and said her daughter was out of town all week b/c school was out for the holiday but should be back by noon today. and she would leave her my name and # and "remind" her that she said she would help.
i'm sorry. when did parents start "reminding" their kids to do stuff and then just leave it up to them to do it? neighbor does this with her kid. she never makes sure he follows thru. hello! he's a little kid. they need some kind of direction. you can't just say and expect them to do, you have to make sure they do what they're supposed to be doing.
it's nearly 3 pm and no little girl has called to say "can you let me in so i can clean up after the cats?"
the mom did offer to come over last night and take care of it. i should have let her. but the arrangement was for the little girl to do it. AND the mom had just gotten home from work-at 7 at night- and i was getting little TJ in for his bath.
the mom told me if i didn't hear from the little girl to call again and they'd just come do it before they leave town tonight.
why should i? call a 3rd time when they knew this was the arrangement and it needs to be done?
the mother admitted she was busy enough that she would forget if the daughter didn't do it and i didn't call and "remind" them.
but i don't think i should have to. i know. no big deal. what's an extra phone call?
this was neighbors problem from the beginning b/c i told her get someone else or set up help. and she set up "bad" help.
so if no one calls to be let in she can do it herself when she gets home tomorrow.
she knew i couldn't do it.
and if her other help can't help me then the kitty's will just have to find a clean corner themselves.
there are 2 cats and 2 boxes anyway.
they'll live.
the poor things.
they're not eating either.
i haven't had to fill their food bowl once. maybe the stuff that's out is too stale now. i'll try fresh tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

i must do a little jig!

oh the things that excite me! i am so easily impressed and amused it's pitiful.

i bought new shampoo today! and it's PINK! a pretty, creamy ,pearly shade of pink!! had i not washed my hair 2 hours ago i would go in there right now and do it! with my new pink shampoo!

today is big TJ's birthday. he's out of reach b/c they are out at the FOB. (not sure what that stands for exactly but i do know they're doing a lot of weapons training.) i toyed with the idea of emailing him a happy birthday note since i couldn't call, and texting him a simple "happy birthday babe" didn't seem good enough. then i came up with the brilliant idea to use the voice recorder on my phone and recorded me singing "happy birthday dear husband" and hollering out "we love you! we miss you! we'll see you soon!" at the end.
i sent that first thing this morning and haven't heard a peep so i don't know if he got it yet. then i got little TJ babbling a string of "dada"'s while playing with a picture of his daddy. but i'm not happy with that yet. i'm going to text that to him so he can set it as a ring tone for home. he's been talking about doing that for a while, just never got around to it. i figured that could be a good enough birthday present til he comes home.

i made a trip to walmart today b/c i had gone yesterday for some things - mainly dog food and the continuance of my search for long sleeved maternity wear. the dog food bag came open at the checkout counter -it just neatly unrolled in my hand until it was completely open when i grabbed it by it's end to pick it up out of the buggy.
it had been a very bad trip to walmart. my first with a toddler that actually acts like a toddler. fit throwing -throwing things out of the buggy. wanting to be held. at one point i almost ditched the buggy and left. when we got to the check out and the dog food opened i just handed it over. told the lady if it wasn't "so open" i'd buy it anyway. she didn't offer to have someone go get me a fresh one and i didn't ask. i wanted out of there as fast as i could manage!
but we made it thru and i managed to get all items on my list (aside from the dog food)-that was half eaten at one point -my pretty hot pink paper and blue ink was turned to mush -i haven't stopped to think what sort of things my child had ingested at that point.

there were no long sleeved maternity clothes at walmart. there was hardly anything resembling more than capri pants!
at target there was sets -short sleeved tops with jackets to go with it -it was all business casual. perfect for if i was working. but i just wanted some plain, long sleeved t-shirts that would fit over my belly -which has surprisingly popped out at an alarming rate!
so i went to the normal ppls clothes at walmart to see what they had that may work.
i found some perfect t-shirts for 6$.
pretty colors. soft. they had a boat neckline(i refuse to wear crew neck! i feel like i'm being suffocated!and you'll never catch me dead in a turtleneck either!) and a row of buttons on the sleeves -more for show i think -i picked up 3. they looked like they ran big so i only got larges. what the tag failed to mention was that they were stretch. so i get them home(no time to try on in store) they fit perfect. which is bad when you're me b/c there's no room to grow. PLUS i hadn't washed them yet. so there was no way they were going to fit for long.
i noticed this morning when showering that there wasn't much left in either of my shampoo bottles -yes ladies i know have 3 kinds of shampoo! - stashed around my tub. so i picked up some more while i was out. along with a neat, unopened bag of dog food.

when returning the shirts i tried to complain that there was no winter wear in the maternity section -if you can call it a section -the lady ignored me. and i didn't want to go to the mall b/c i knew i'd just pay more than i needed to for the same thing.
so i got 3 lovely nice enough to wear out but perfect for daily dress t-shirt in red(my christmas shirt of course) navy and charcoal grey. i love them. i'm going to wash them right now so i can wear them this weekend when it's not supposed to be warmer than 60 some degrees!

so back to the shampoo:
i have a weakness for buying makeup and then not wearing it - hardly ever anyway. but i could buy soap and shampoo all day long!
my latest edition is herbal essence - which i haven't had in forever. i got the "long term relationship" in the red bottle.since my hair is falling out by the handful since new baby came along i invested in the garnier fructies length and strength- i went the herbal essence route b/c it was cheaper in a bigger bottle- hoping to preserve my bald head from ever being exposed! and it's infused with raspberry. hence the pink i guess.
it smells so good my mouth was watering when i sniffed it in the store.
oh the silly things that make me feel so Happy!

3 days

i can do 3 days.
given the situation - and the mess i always feel i have gotten myself in to when finished with the task - i am watching neighbors dogs for the 3 of the 6 days they are gone.
since i am not "cat box responsible" for the days i am watching neighbors pets it will be easier. sometimes i'm not sure if it's the cats that are more trouble or the dogs. probably both. AND her cats have a habit of spitting hairballs, breakfast, or whatever, all over the carpet when neighbors are gone. if this happens-oh i'm sorry, you were so desperate for me to watch your babies b/c you don't want anyone else in your house, and i'm pregnant and can't handle bodily fluids so i just left it there.oops.(she never cleaned my cat box when i was gone. not even when i left her a note to.)

she got someone else for the days i am going to be gone. funny. they're leaving saturday, and coming back thursday. but somehow i got stuck with 3.5 days of pet sitting and the other girl barely has only saturday night and all of sunday.this makes no sense. i'll just have to work it around nap times and bed times so i don't have to take little bit over with me. her carpets are horrible and i hate to put him down when we go over there.

too bad she hasn't had more than one kid. it never would have crossed her mind to ask me if she ever walked in my shoes:
no husband in sight to help carry any kind of daily load.
but it's my fault for not having the balls to say no.
ah i can't wait til thursday. when i can get to my mothers house and have a little peace!

and since i will be coming back from a much needed break i didn't think i'd be feeling quite so depressed or resentful or angry about any of my situations. it's not like they're things i didn't make a choice for.

Monday, November 17, 2008

this day has been

shot to hell.

i actually hope it hasn't but i'm not helping myself any.

something is bugging the poor child.
he was up about an hour earlier than normal. so i put him down for nap a smidge earlier than normal. he cried and threw tantrums for an hr.
oh yes. i did get him up and check his diaper. make sure he hadn't given himself a new booboo while climbing around in his crib. keep him up long enough to calm down. and back in he goes. only to start the fit throwing all over again.

i turned on "the holiday" hoping to distract myself from the goings on in the nursery only to be dragged away by the escalation of the screaming coming from the nursery. so in i go again. this time armed with a cup of water. it took me 2.5 hrs to get him to bed last night, it was almost 10pm when he crashed out finally, and all's he wanted was a long drink of water.
so in i go with the water. only to find that this morning that is not the problem. i still have no idea what the problem is/was. i take him to the big warm chair in the living room and we rock and rock only he wants to sit in my lap facing forward.
and he actually laughed at parts of the movie -mostly the part where amanda (cameron diaz) is making faces at the dog.
after 30 minutes of this i give him another drink of water and try and turn him around so i can pat his back and rock.
the fit throwing starts again.
so i dose him up with some tylenol. give him ANOTHER drink of water to wash it down. and put him in his bed.
i have no idea why that does of tylenol did the trick.i immediately put him to bed after i gave it to him so it's not like it had time to dull anything that was ailing him. but he didn't even make a peep.
he just cut his 6th tooth so he should be feeling better. who knows. i guess they're teething all the time until the last tooth has finished it's journey to the surface.
it's 11 16 am now.

the only thing i have accomplished so far is putting on some real clothes and cleaning up the toy corner.

ah well, it's not like i have any where to be that i only have x amount of time to get things cleaned up.

my favorite part of "the holiday" :
when Gram shows up at iris's house to find amanda staying there instead. he'd been out drinking and goes to stay at iris's house -as usual - only it's amanda who lets him in. and as they are standing there talking-she's trying to explain why iris is in LA at her house and she is in england at iris's house - he leans in and says in his oh-so-sexy english accent "do you mind if i sit? i feel like i might bump in to you."

don't know why i love it, but i do!

when there is no romance in my life to speak of i play this movie over and over. *sigh* and it's a christmas movie too so i get a dbl bonus!

my apologies

i was quite the cranky pants this weekend.
sorry for all the ranting and raving.
i was feeling a little sorry for myself.
but i am feeling much better this morning. i may actually get some chores done early for a change and i'm going to walmart when it warms up a bit to look at christmas stuff and get a few every day items.
i promise to have something cheerful to talk about the next time i post.


Sunday, November 16, 2008


so neighbor called today.
in the midst of rattling off a few things she wanted to gripe about i hear " so i guess i'll get with you tomorrow or tuesday and we can figure out a schedule for the dogs."
here we go.
"when do you think y'all will be leaving?"
"friday probably"
"i won't be home then"
"remember? i'm going out of town. i won't be here starting thursday.i told you this yesterday morning"
some mumbling about figuring something out when she can think about it and then,
"maybe i'll ask wonderful neighbor."
yes, ask wonderful neighbor who is recovering from surgery and has the 4 kids, one of which is still a baby, the oldest of which is only 4 and 2 toddlers in between!
i know she chose to have that many kids that close together and she's alot better at sucking up and dealing with interferences than i am, but i go out of my way to not ask that set of neighbors for anything unless it is absolutely necessary.
now i feel guilty for not changing my plans if she's involving wonderful neighbor in her madness.they have 100x more stuff going on than i do and i feel like it's just more than they need to deal with at this point. it's not like neighbor lady has no other friends. she's gotten someone to watch her pets before when i couldn't do it. what about them?
they're planning on staying up there for at least a week if not 2. her kid is pitching a fit b/c he had his whole thanksgiving holiday planned out. yeah. over the tv. all the holiday specials he wanted to watch he's going to miss so he doesn't want to go.
it's going to be TJ's first weekend home over thanksgiving. i'd like to be able to see him some while he's in our house.i won't have seen him in 4 weeks by the time he gets here and it would be nice not to have to share all of him with my already divided time or other members of the family.

she just seems to be thinking that someone is going to drop what they're doing and say "oh you poor dear! here, let me drop all of my plans and help you."

maybe i'm being selfish. but at this point i think it's aloud. it's not like i sit on couch and eat chocolate all day.being pregnant is excuse enough to take on any more things to do than i already have.( i know. i don't milk that card on a regular occassion. but this is an irritating situation) i kind of feel like she thinks i should make myself available to help her out when they've known this was coming for a couple of weeks. the grama would just have a few bad days and then start doing better so i guess they thought this was the same.
she even called this morning and asked me to take her back to the store
(where we were yesterday) so she could get those clothes she picked out so her kid would have something to wear to the funeral. only her husband woudln't let her buy them so she ended up with nothing.i told her no. i wasn't feeling like going out. (yesterday day we were out a couple of times) so she went out with another friend(see?she has them stashed somewhere) and picked the outfit up and some things for her, and her husband threw a fit that she spent the money on them. are they supposed to wear sweats then? and what's he gunna do when it comes time to buy the plane tickets? i'm glad i won't be around to see that blow up in his face.

hopefully it won't turn out to be as big of a mess as i'm making it sound like.
maybe tomorrow i'll have something more interesting to blog about. right now this is all i've got.
hope it's as entertaining for you as it is for me.

i can never think of good headings for blogs.

my headache is back.
mostly due to not enough water i'm sure.

the neighbors grama did pass away last night. but no one knows anything about anything yet so i'm going on with my already made plans and will only be available to help out 2 nights this week.after that i won't be here.

and the week after that TJ will be coming in and we'll be running around doing our yearly 3 thanksgivings in the 4 days he has home. and you can't count sunday b/c he has to drive back.(and there's usually 3-4 christmases. sometimes 5 if you count christmas morning at our house.)
bleck. i love the holidays. but TJ's family is so big and staggered that it can get out of hand quick with all the places to go. one of these days we're going to have to start alternating what year we go where.

i think i'm going to go take a nap.

i also will be glad about 9 months from now when new baby is about 4 months old and out of the new born stage and i won't feel like i have to take a nap every 5 minutes.

of course it helps when the neighbor's put their dog up at night. i think they must go out of town alot b/c there are weeks at a time where this dog is out at all hours barking it's head off. and then there are a few days where i don't here so much as a peep. last night he barked from 2-3 am. and i was awake from the time he started til almost 5 am.
i have yet to figure out where this dog lives that barks and barks at night. every time i go on a hunt it quits barking. or other dogs start. and i can't just call the cops b/c all's i'd be able to say is "i know which house he lives at from standing on my back porch."
but when i actually go to find the front of the house i haven't a clue if i'm right or not. and it was 33 degrees out when he started barking. i know, i got up for a drink of water and checked. who leaves their dog out all night in freezing weather?
it's very annoying. but i feel bad he's not well cared for.

Saturday, November 15, 2008


i am exasperated. and a little bit in disbelief.

my crazy neighbors(the ones with all the animals i'm always complaining about having to watch) got a call the other day stating that neighbors grama is on hospice and they don't expect her to live much longer.

neighbor lady and i got together yesterday and made dinner and watched a movie.

during movie i say "just in case ya'll end up having to go out of town unexpectedly do you think you should put someone on alert to come scoop cat boxes for me?"

i know. i kind of offered right there to watch her pets for her -again. even though it's a ton of trouble. i felt bad in this case. when there's a possible passing of a family member on the line.

she acted like i was nuts at first and then realized what i meant. i'm pregnant. i can't scoop the cat boxes. especially for ones cats other than mine who i know are healthy and won't make new baby sick. and we only put a cat box out when we're going anywhere anymore or it's really cold and are going to be in the house. even then i have to put gloves on and hold my breath or wear a mask so i don't get toxoplasmosis, which i'm sure my cats don't have but haven't been tested for. so long as you scoop the litter daily the stuff doesn't have time to grow. she scoops her boxes weekly. i'm not messing with it.

"i guess i could ask the neighbors little girl. she has a cat and ought to know how to do all that"
(yeah, she's 8 maybe 9. i'd hope she'd been schooled in how to take care of her pets)

when talking to mom this morning she points out "you are kind of on your own right now? what happens if you need to come here for a break? or TJ's wants you to meet him somewhere b/c he has a few days off? you're tied down."

good point.
and i already had plans to go visit my parents this weekend - starting thursday - i got the one year pictures done for Little tj's birthday the last time we were visiting my mom. AND i had already planned on seeing twilight with my sister. granted i go and see my mom all the time, it's plans i've had made for a long,long time.

so this morning i call her to see if we're still on for going to target after lunch and mention to her that it's probably better for them to put several folks on stand by that she may need help with the animals b/c due to the holidays and TJ's schedule being so unpredictable i may not be available when the time comes for them to pick up and go.
"i don't know hunny. i haven't even thought about what we're going to do. i have to talk to the hubby"
i say "well, isn't better for you to get a back up plan formed now, rather than when you're trying to book plane tickets and get the kiddo's homework for the week you're gunna be gone and pack and all that? that way you know some things are already settled. with TJ being gone he may get 2 days off and want me to meet him in dallas or something and i'm not a reliable source."
(not with taking care of all of our crap all on my own as it is.)
and she retorts with a snotty "like i said the other day. death is inconvenient: especially at the holidays."

listen here you crazy selfish woman!! she is not my grama! you are not planning this out well. you can't just wait til she goes and then make all your decisions. you probably won't be able to book plane tickets on a whim to get up there when you need to, atleast not for cheap, you should really think about driving. and what did you do before i moved in next door anyway? you boarded your animals -all 6 of them! and now you don't want to pay to have it done b/c i'm here and should be able to do it at the drop of the hat? not now. not during the holidays with my husband coming and going at a moments notice. i need to be flexible for him.
your family is not my responsibility! i have to put my family first. and if that means that i am not available to you in a time of crisis then i'm sorry. but i will hardly see my husband over the next 5.5 months! and if he comes home, or wants me to meet him half way, or i've made plans to take my pregnant ragged out self to my mothers so that i can get a break from having to do EVERYTHING myself than i have to do it. i take care of us first and you need to be aware of that.(doing everything isn't so bad. i have to eat, so it's not a big deal to fix something for an extra person. giving him a bath and getting him to bed is easy too. it's the in between. when he's awake for 3 or 4 hrs between naps. when i need to clean house, or feel horribly pregnant and gross, or when he's fussing and it can't be remedied. there is no one to pass him off too when i need him to sit still for me for 5 minutes and he won't. the other night i was puking(due to new baby of course) and trying to keep up with him. he slammed his finger in a drawer and there was nothing i could do b/c i would have puked all over him. he was locked in the bathroom with me, but still getting in to things i couldn't prevent for hovering over the toilet.)

i don't know if she was hinting at me that i needed to suck it up and run on her schedule til their drama was over. or if she was just frustrated with the whole situation and didn't like what i was pointing out.
either way, now i realize that with TJ being gone, well, if he does get time off on a pass, and it's a short one, and he wants me to meet him half way between here and there, i can't be in a position where i have to tell him no. especially if i haven't seen him in a month or so.
so now she knows that i am not a reliable source and she'll have to deal with it when the time comes if she hasn't made a plan b.
the last time i wasn't a reliable source she acted the same way. and i was 8 months pregnant and they were going to be gone for 2 weeeks. i had to point out til i was blue in the face "what if i go in to labor while you're gone? your pets are locked in the house for 4 days without anyone to feed or water them or let them out to potty while i'm in the hospital. you've got to get someone else."
and look how that turned out,when he was gone, we were gone for a week too.

hopefully she'll get her brain working and start making mental plans. otherwise she's going to have problems.


i made chewy(my dog) an appt for the groomers today at noon 30. i guess since petsmart is right next to target i'll go pick up a few things while i'm waiting.

i have to remember to bring in all the plants tonight. it's not supposed to be about 65 today and lows in the low 30's - high 20's. i doubt it will get THAT cold here, but it's supposed to remain at least at freezing for 6-8 hrs -which my plants would not like.

there's nothing else major planned for today. i may check out christmas things at target and see if they have any christmas movies i don't have.

i was going thru my maternity clothes this morning since it's supposed to stay what would feel like "cold" to me all day. i don't have but maybe 3 shirts that are long sleeved. i guess i'll look at maternity clothes while i'm at target too.

last night was the first night that i was kept awake b/c new baby was turning somersaults and wouldn't settle down.
looks like i'm in for another busy-baby pregnancy.

ah well, i better get things straightened up if i'm going to spend some time out and about today.
hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

Friday, November 14, 2008

my dog.......


he's old. and he stinks.

it's partly/mostly my very sensitive pregnant nose.

anyone else who smells him would say "he just smells like sweaty old dog."

i know!i'm a horrible pet parent. and i can't stand it!(the smell i mean)

it hasn't been that long since he had a bath. but now it is too chilly for his bones to have a bath under the house outside. i can't pick him up to lug him over the side of the tub -and he won't do it on his own. partly b/c his hips are going bad and partly b/c he knows what will happen once he's in.
he jumps into the back of the equinox without a hitch when we go anywhere! he loves car rides. but he is beyond pitiful when it comes to baths.
i could walk him in to the seperate shower in my bathroom, but guess what? i scrubed it not so long ago and have only used it once! (don't worry, i have bathed since then)

i'm hearing the word "GROOMING!" screaming out in my head. it's only 30 bucks for a bath, brush and dry,15 min. massage and trimmed nails and ear cleaning. it's 46$ if i want them to trim his feet and legs. and his feet do need to be done. if it didn't make me want to gag to be near him i'd do it all myself. like normal.
he follows me everywhere in the house and i just keep shooing at him and making him go lay down. he's right outside the door and my nose can sniff him out!

i am such a horrible person! i've had him for like 10 years and i've never felt like this about him.
i'm going to talk to TJ today about it and then i have to get a rabies copy from the vet, unless i can find it here. all the bills are paid so he shoudln't care. but i like to ask anyway.

wish me luck.

Thursday, November 13, 2008


i have been waiting to get the first official busting of the face over with.
i know. it sounds cruel to think that i was waiting for my kid to smash his face hard enough on something that it could be considered an official face busting.
but as a mom you just kind of dread these things happening. and you know that they are going to happen. especially if you have little boys.

poor TJ was minding his own business playing with his toy cars on the coffee table today. we utilize the coffee table quite a bit in our daily activities.
i watched in slow motion as he steps to the side with his arm out - apparently thinking that he was going to come in contact with some thing to hold on to as he cruised on around the table. he met solid air instead. which resulted in him pitching to the side - whacking the side of his mouth on the coffee table on the way down.
i checked for blood. the 2nd time i managed to pry his face away from my shoulder there was a nice trail of bloody drool running down his chin.
nothing a cold wash cloth and a good dose of love couldn't handle. no chipped teeth or gashes to tend to. but it is nice to have that whole first owie incident over with.

i am certain that it won't even make the charts as a booboo when he's like 5 or 6.

i did it!

i made the pumpkin cake today!!
it's going to be so yummy when that cold weather hits! with some cocoa or hot tea! and a movie! i will have to rent a movie!

i also made cheese veggi chowder.
my mom used to make it when we were kids. i thought it would be good to freeze in cubes and keep around for the winter for lil tj. only i don't think this batch is going to last.

you take 2 cups of chicken broth and throw in a small onion, a stalk of celery and a medium carrot. (only i wanted more veggies so i added a potato and some chopped broccoli and more carrots and then had to add 2 more cups of chicken broth b/c i had more veggies than broth!)
you bring all that to a boil and simmer for about 10 minutes.

in another sauce pan melt 3 tbs of butter. stir in 1/4 cup of flour til smooth and add 2 cups of milk. cook and stir over med. heat til thick and bubbly. add 5 oz cheeze whiz.(i used 8 oz b/c a) you can'y buy a 5oz jar and b) i used more broth so i thought i'd need more cheese.)
once that's all mixed and melty you add it to the chicken broth and veggies and TADAH! you have veggie cheese chowder!!

hint: this soup is way better if you chunk up cubes of cheddar cheese and put it in the bottom of the bowl before you add the soup so the cubes get all gooey and melty.

it's going to be great for this weekend!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


it's just been one of those days.
i think i'm just finding things to be irritated about now.

quirky pregnant moments:
are all of my brain cells gone?
the other day i went in to turn off the light in the bathroom and turned on the water instead. i actually walked out of the bathroom before i realized what i had done and went to correct my absent braindness.
tonight i am standing in my living room getting ready to settle in for some normal lamp is shining brightly in the corner but it still seems dim. i think to myself "it sure is dark in here. i better turn on another lamp." but rather than cross the room to the lamp that is off that i meant to turn on i cross the room to the lamp that is on and turn it OFF so that the room is completely dark.
gimme a break!

there are a couple of ppl whose blogs i keep up with. and comment on regularly. i never know if they check their comments b/c no one ever says anything about what i say! and i don't think they ever come here and read my blog b/c they never comment here either!i didn't know until i was informed by a fellow blogger that it was proper blog manners to comment on what your commenters had to say. and it's been great fun ever sense.
i started a blog to keep up with a friend. it worked out great for keeping up with them, i guess my life just isn't interesting enough for them to keep up with me. but i have great new blogging friends since i became a blogger anyway. and that is very nice!

dr.s and insurance..... again.

TJ had his one year check up monday last week. he got 2 shots he hasn't had before. the MMR(for measles mumps and rubella) and the chickenpox vaccine. plus a flu shot and another shot he's had a few boosters of already.
he rarely shows any side affects from the vaccines. other than a decreased appetite, some crankiness, and maybe some redness and swelling at the shot sight.
well, a week exactly after his shots both spots on his left leg flare up. i'm used to them flaring some. they'll pop up and look like mosquito bites. but are never bothersome. but this time it was a HUGE flare up. if i hadn't known better i'd have thought he had been burned with a curling iron. it was just that red. not swollen so much. you could feel bumps where each shot was given but you couldn't tell there was any swelling unless you touched it.
so i get out the list of vaccines/symptoms they sent me home with and guess what? redness and swelling aren't on the list for any of the shots. so is it just common sense that that could be a symptom of any shot? go figure.
so i keep an eye on it.
during the day yesterday it seemed not to change. but after bath time the area of redness had grown to be as long/wide as my thumb.
i decided to call in the am, just so they would know he had had a bad reaction and could chart it for future notice.
the nurse finally gets around to calling me back nearly 3 hrs later.
me: "where he got his shots has had some swelling and redness. i'm used to this looking more like a minor mosquito bite type reaction, but this looks more like a welt."

her: "well you should bring him in b/c the 2 new shots he got are actually live viruses that are injected in their system. if they have a reaction we need to know b/c we won't be able to vaccinate him anymore if he does indeed have the virus from the shot"

what?? isn't that why they give vaccines is so they don't get the disease or whatever?
i argued with her some. trying to tell her again that it's only where they shot was given in his leg and he didn't have any other symptoms.spotty rashes are common with both of the new vaccines. i was just concerned b/c it was such a bigger reaction at the shot sight than normal and wondered if that was due to what he was given.

her: " well you're telling me it's red and swollen and there's spots and the only way for us to know what's going on is for you to bring him in."

me: sigh "well then i guess we'll come in"

it was 10 35. it takes me a half an hr to get there and they asked me to arrive at 11 15. and i didn't care if i was late.
i got TJ up from his nap and changed his clothes and got us snacks and drinks for the road and off we went.

i got there at 11 15 exactly.

i waited until 11 50 before i was seen.(the new thing for dr's to do these days is block off appts for same day calls so don't tell me i was squeezed in b/c i was given an appt time to show up. they didn't just say "come on in and we'll get to you when we can" like back in the day.

i got the bitch nurse that i HATE! there's actually 2 nurses there i don't like and you never know which nurse you're gunna get and it drives me nuts!

she had me put TJ on the scale. i normally lay him down. when i tried to do this she grabs him and sits him back up which resulted in him leaning and reaching over for me to pick him up. i was standing right next to him so he wouldn't fall off the table and he just kept grabbing at me so i grabbed his upper arm to keep him still and from falling.

nurse: "you can't hold him, the scale picks up your weight."
(well what do you want me to do lady? he's just gunna fall off the damn table.)
after the 3rd attempt to get him to sit still she has me stand at the end of the table so he is reaching forward rather than to the side.
and fussed at me again for "holding him" when he reached far enough forward that he was almost on his knees.
these scales aren't the nice flat kind like what we get to stand on. they're like little tiny tippy metal baskets, so of course i'm going to grab when he moves!
we finally get him weighed (Which i still don't see what the big deal is b/c she didn't have me strip him naked so they weren't looking for an exact weight anyway.(which they did just get a week ago bay the way))

settled in the room she goes thru the routine questions:
her: "are all his immunizations up to date?"
i wanted to scream at her! if you had read his chart you would have seen that we were just here a week ago for that EXACT REASON!
but managed a restrained "yes. we were here last week for his 1 yr appt"

her: "is he on any medications?"

me: "no"

her: " Really? you don't give him any vitamins? motrin or tylenol?"

me: "oh well, he does get motrin for his teeth."
i didn't know they counted that as an actual medication. i was figuring more like antibiotics and stuff.
then she wanted to know when the last time he had any motrin was.
then we started talking about his leg. i told her my thoughts on it and she just stares at me! like i'm an idiot.
i even showed it to her.

me: " we came in b/c he never gets a reaction like this. he may get a red dot like a bite a couple days after the shot but it's been a week and i thought maybe it was the MMR vaccine that cause such a big irritated area."

her immediate response: "what makes you think it would be the MMR?"
and she didn't say it nicely. she just sounded snotty, like i didn't know what i was talking about.

at this point i'm frustrated.

me: "well it's the only shot he hasn't had before. well, he did get the chickenpox too, but the list ya'll gave me said symptoms for mmr show up 1-2 weeks after the shot is given and it's been a week so i figured the MMR made sense."

she looks right at me without batting an eye and says : " but he didn't get the MMR in that leg."

me: " whatever! i asked the nurse on the phone if they documented what legs got what shots and all's she said to me was that i needed to bring him in regardless of where the shot was given b/c they needed to know if it was a reaction to the virus or just an aggravated shot sight."
(common sense would tell me that he got both new shots in the same leg b/c he had such a bad reaction.what i think happened: he got the MMR and the pneumonia vaccine in the same leg, and the flu and the chicken pox in the other. either way he still got 2 new shots in 1 leg and thus resulted in a very inflamed shot sight.)

the nurse just stared at me for a minute. and then she left.
she just left!!!
a few minutes later the dr came in. examined the area and said it was normal!! i knew that it was mostly normal though it looked terrible! b/c he wasn't bothered at all by it. but it's always better to be safe than sorry. but your stupid nurse wanted me to come in. if it had been a reaction to the shot wouldn't he have shown the bigger symptoms like seizures and stiffness and fever and all that? rather than just an enflamed rather large area around the where the shot was given? i swear sometimes a mother is smarter than her dr!

then she tells me "don't be surprised if he breaks out in a rash from head to toe in another week."
great. thanks for the warning.
so remind me if i freak out next week about a rash.
and then she says he has to come back next month for a 2nd flu shot.
what? no one mentioned that last week.
"yeah this is the first year he gets the shot so he gets 2."
that makes no sense unless they can't give babies a full dose.
i kind of feel like they just had me come in today so they could squeeze more money out of my insurance co.

i called my insurance co. when i got home.
i had been thinking about getting TJ set up at my clinic b/c it's literally 5 minutes up the road.
it's just so much easier to run him up the street rather than spend 30 minutes to make what is less than a 10 mile trip to the dr if you could cut straight thru to the office, but know that it takes that long b/c you have to stop at a million red lights and there's always bad traffic and you have to hope on this hwy and then dodge over to that hwy and dodge the tolls in between.

the dr i wanted to get TJ in has reached her max for taking patients with our insurance. the one thing i hate about the military: the free medical is great! but hardly any one wants to take it, or much of it, b/c they never get all of their money.
so i picked a new dr at the same clinic.
the operator suggested i call the clinic to dbl check she was indeed taking new patients.
i did this. yes she's taking new patients. i set us one up for his 2nd flu shot in dec, as crazy as i think it is.
called insurance back. got a new operator. explained the problem to him. explained WHY i wanted to change dr's b/c it's such a big deal to my insurance co to change our PCP! and he says it's not a problem.
until he notices that said dr has "nearly reached her thresh hold for patients with this insurance." he tells me that billing and enrollment won't approve a transfer to her b/c she only has "11 slots open for patients and that's too close to her cut off."
does that make sense to you? if she has the room why can't i ask for a transfer to her?
i ask to submit the request anyway and he says "sure, but my personal recommendation is to find a new dr b/c billing and enrollment will reject this"

then he gives me some schpeel about upping my chances for approval on the new dr if i go and get a letter of acceptance from the dr, fill out the paper form for a PCP change and then take it all the way down into down town austin to the insurance office there so that my request is submitted before the holiday. if we waited til too close to thanksgiving it would be jan before i could see the new dr. which would have been fine b/c we'd be covered by the old dr in the meantime if something came up.
so i politely told him i'd see about doing all of that. hung up. gave it 3 hrs. called back when i was nice and calm and had decided it wouldn't be the end of the world if i had to keep going to the other place. got a new operator. walked him thru my conversation earlier that day with the first operator. left out what the 2nd crazy person wanted me to do. and asked simply to have my request verbally documented and processed.
he takes care of it all and ends the conversation with "once this is approved it should be effective dec 1. but they'll send you a letter out saying whether or not it was approved."

was that so hard??

i figure by the time the new baby is here we'll all have different dr's anyway. my dr's not taking more patients, and those other 10 slots for TJ's hopefully-new dr. will probably be all taken by the time new baby needs a dr. but so long as we can all go to the same clinic at least, i don't think it's that big of a deal.

and my head hurts.
it's that horrible pregnant lady head ache that is caused by the blood vessels expanding due to increased blood flow. my dr says caffeine should help b/c it makes the blood vessels constrict. it doesn't. my head just hurts. all the time. an aching dull goes away with tylenol but comes back unless i take tylenol all the time! and i don't want to do that b/c of new baby, even though i can take quite a bit. in the long run it is still better not to expose your still developing baby to stuff.

i guess getting off the computer might help this. i guess that's all the irrational bugginess i had to get out.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

blad de blad de blah......

it rained this morning.
it was nice.
but now the sun is going to come out and it's going to be a steamy 80 degree day for freakin' novemeber. gotta love TX right?
i swear one day i am going to have to move up north if i want to experience real Christmas weather.

my coffee is cold.

i need to clean house.
well, pick up house atleast.
i cleaned before i went and spent 5 days at my moms. but now all of our "going out of town" gear is strewn about and needs to be put away.

it's 10am.i'm still in my jammies.

i think, since there's money left over and it's almost pay day. i am going to attack itunes today. i've just learned you can get the Twilight soundtrack already. and there's some other stuff i want. like the new No Justice album.( have no idea how to put music links up but if you haven't heard them and you like contry you'll love them!! They're i believe what they call Red dirt country. TX/OK contry. they really are great. kind of like corey morrow or blue edmonson or Pat green,only better.)

i want to make pumpkin cake. i just can't seem to get motivated. and it's not even hard!!

oh well, i guess i better go and do something productive before teege wakes up from his nap.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Aunti shades!

how's this for messy?? :)
dinners like this always end with an early bath!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

almost forgot....

here's some of my favorite NICU pics.

here's the pics of the flight nurses getting him ready to go in the helecopter.
see? they really do glow!

baby TJ is in that big box looking thing but you can't see him. they called after they got him to the new hospital and told me he slept the whole way there.

and here's some birthday pics from last weekend:


one year ago today:

i was laying in the living room floor at about 10 am thinking to my pitiful self " i have to get up! i need to go fix my hair in case we have to go to the hospital!"
but i could only lay there, with my leg thrown up over the fireplace. there was no way i could get myself standing upright without i called in my husband and asked him to help. when he asked me why i wanted to get up i explained. he laughed. not in a bad way. just in one of those guy like "that is the silliest thing i have ever heard. but i am going to humor her so i don't loose a limb."
i had to sit on the edge of the bath tub while wielding my flat iron skills. i was so tired. and achy. and i just didn't feel good.
flash forward:
i went out with TJ to run some errands. i had had success the day before - when i thought i was in labor also-with moving around helping stop contractions.that was what the book said to do. the contractions would stop with activity if they were false labor contractions. so i went out and rode around while TJ picked up transcripts from the local college.
when we got home i started to cry when i had to get out of the truck. i just could thinking of climbing down to the ground. TJ drives a plain old chevy silverado 4x4. it's not that big. oh but it felt so very high up that day. i sit in the front seat and cry. as TJ comes around to help me down i just cry harder b/c crying made the cramping and aching in my belly and legs worse.
"well i could have told you that!" he chuckles as he helps me climb from the seat.
"maybe we should call the hospital" he suggests.
"not yet. i want to eat lunch first. i don't want to go and then have them send me home b/c it's not real labor."
i prepared a lovely lunch of grilled cheese and tomato soup.......i never got to eat it.
as soon as i sat in my chair i jumped right back up.
"i can't sit down!!" i screeched.
TJ is sitting in the chair - looking at me like i have gone nuts
i'm pacing - no, more like dancing - about the kitchen. shaking my arms and hands like i'm preparing for a boxing match.
i felt like i was having the worst back pain in the world! the kind of back ache that comes with "aunt flo" only it was, well, impossible. all's i could do was stand up and lean over the counter with me head in my hands.
wave one went away almost as quick as it had come.
i sit again. only to experience the exact same thing.
on wave 3 i asked TJ to please bring me my cell phone so i could call L&D at the hospital.
there was no since in calling the dr. it was friday. there was no way i could get in to be seen. i just wanted the hospital to know we were on our way.
the nurse there tried to contact my dr at the clinic -which is part of the hospital thank GOD!
with no luck she told me to go ahead and come in. skip all the admissions and registration, just come straight up stairs.
we were out the door when the phone rang again. the dr had called the nurse back and told her to have me come to the clinic first.
i have no idea how i made it from the parking lot up to the clinic. i remember the nurse calling me name and when she saw me leaning against the wall, breathing thru my teeth with my eyes shut tight she says "are you in labor?" all shocked like she thought i was crazy- or possessed.
i glared at her "i hope so b/c if this is false labor i will die before this baby is ever born! i can't move right now, give me just a sec.
she stands there waiting. and then puts me thru the routine check in. vitals. weight check. blood pressure. urine sample.
i have no idea how i made it thru all that other than sure fire will.
flash forward:
i was admitted to the hospital between 2 and 3 that afternoon.
baby TJ was on his way.
the nurses yelled at me for moving when i got my epidural. you're not supposed to do that. of course. a giant needle in your back, why would you move? funny thing,even though i was still having crazy close together contractions,all's i could think about when i was having my epidural was that there was a totally young and VERY HOT anaesthesiologist performing the task and my butt was showing.
they eventually had to let my body labor the baby down before i do any real work b/c lo and behold those epidurals kick ass!! i couldn't feel anything! which means that i could DO anything to get the baby out. so they turned the dose down. they turned it down a little the first time. nothing happened. so the next time the dr came in she had the anaesthesiologist come back and turn it down again. another hot dr! at least me butt wasn't showing this time! he turned it down so low that i could feel, well, more than hoped for. my back was on fire.i was terrified.i even tried to tell my dr that i was too tired to do anymore at one point.
no one listened. once i got over being scared everything clicked in to place.
Baby Timothy James was born at 9 33 pm. weighing a healthy 7lbs 10oz. he was 22 inches long.
he never cried. he kind of screeched -like a dinosaur. then he would just moan. kind of wheez.
his lungs were still full of fluid. the pediatrician on staff said "as wierd as it sounds he just doesn't smell right. all new babies have a new born kind of smell right after they are born and they all pretty much smell the same. he smells off. with the leak you had in your water going undetected we don't know how long he was unprotected. he needs intravenous antibiotics and we need to get his lungs clear and i think ti's in his best interests to send him to the NICU over in temple."
it took them 2 hours to come and get him.
which means that he wasn't totally as seriously threatened by death as i thought.looking back on it now i'm sure it wasn't as tragic of a situations as it felt at the time. but in my new mommy brain all's i could think of was that they were sending him away b/c he was sick and it was bad.
they had him on oxygen.
no one brought him to me though he was just across the room.i had to ask to hold him before they took him away. i had to ask to try and nurse him -actually my sister asked for me b/c i was so confused about things i wasn't thinking about nursing him before we were separated for days at a time.
i got to hold him and cuddle him and try and nurse him for a few minutes.
then his oxygen level alarm went off b/c it got too low and the nurse took him back. it was too risky for him to be messed with.
all's i could do then was sit in my bed and watch him from a distance.
the helicopter came with a team of nurses to prepair him for his first helicopter.i'll put up pics of this. their flights suits had reflective material on them. when ever one of the nurses got in a photo their suits would light up. they look like angels come to see him safely thru.
they put leads on him hooking him up to monitors for his breathing and his heart.blood was drawn. they wrapped him in blankets and put him in an incubator.
once all was settled and ready to go they wheeled him away.
i didn't even get to tell him good bye.
flash forward:
we were released from the NICU a week later. on November 9th.
the baby and i were separated for a mere 48 hrs or so -if that. it seemed like forever.
I made big TJ go with the baby. he needed us. and i couldn't go. TJ still says to this day that was the hardest thing he ever had to do was leave me after everything i had just been thru, even though he knew the baby needed him more. i had to just about force him. managing to convince him finally that i would be fine b/c i was old enough to tell folks what i needed and the baby wasn't. he needed a familiar voice amongst all the chaos. and i knew that my parents wouldn't leave me alone under the circumstances.
the days spent in the NICU were almost sleepless- alot of that was due to hormones and adrenaline overload. the rest was due to pure new parent worrying.
with his conditions and breathing lapses and chocking spells -mostly due to him not clearing his airways well when he would spit up- and the reflux we were put thru an infant cpr class. that was tough for me to get thru. especially since the day they asked us to go was the day we found out that he had chocked on his own bile and quit breathing long enough to turn blue.
he was the healthiest baby in the nicu. had he not been hooked up to all those machines he might have suffocated himself if not for the oxygen alarms.
teege was sent home with an apnea monitor to avoid any future serious breathing lapses and a couple of medicines for the reflux.
on a lighter note: some humor we found during our stay: the dr that did his circumcision was named dr. whacker.
isn't that funny!!
when he was 3 months old he was removed from the apnea monitor. the specialist that we took teege to see looked at the monitor activity and examined him well and instructed us to "get rid of that machine. it's doing you more harm than good. he's just having normal infant breathing lapses that all babies have, most parents just don't know they have them b/c not everyone is sent home with a monitor."
at 4 months his dr had us start him on cereal. it would either worsen the reflux or make it better.
it helped tons! and he was off his meds by 5 months.

he is now a healthy loud rough tough little boy.
he is a happy kid! he never cries or fusses unless his teeth hurt, he is hungry or tired. i have to monitor his diaper changes or he would sit in a wet diaper all day. he just doesn't care.

he cut his first 2 teeth at the same time at 7 months old.
he was crawling by 8 months.
he was pulling up on furniture by 10 months and cruising around while holding on to things by 11 months.
and today he is 1 year old.
he dances to music. he loves to bop around to the theme for General Hospital.
he thinks everything is some kind of wonderful new treasure.
and he loves to learn new things!
he picks stuff up off the floor he doesn't think he should have - like pieces of dog food or plastic or wads of dog hair -and brings them to me to throw away.
he knows when i have food. i can't eat anything when he is awake without having to sneek it if i don't want to share!
he says "da da" and "ko ko(which is the name of one of our cats.) "nana" for banana. and "nye nye" for "nite nite" when he's ready to go to bed. yes! that's right. it's very helpful. when he's ready for sleep he tells us! he only says "mama" when prompted. unless he is crying. then i don't hear the end of it.
he loves to turn the lights on and off.
he has 5 teeth.
we are introducing baby signs and he can tell me when he see or wants to see the dogs.
when he wants "more" of something to eat or when he "all done" with what he is eating.
he is a joy.
he can be extremely hard to keep up with at times b/c he is super fast. and i get tired of chasing him at time. but i can see what a wonderful gift he is.

we are blessed. i believe that, even though alot of his problems found in the nicu were fixable and probably somewhat normal for new borns, we are lucky to have him.
i love you little baby!
my precious little boy!
I hope that the world is kind to you.I hope that you stay a little boy for as long as you can because no one should have to grow up before their time.there is much responsibility that comes with being a grown up so enjoy your time as a kid.But more than that I pray that you are never afraid to take on the challenges that life offers and learn from each mistake you make along the way. Life carries great lessons. Find eagerness to learn them.
You are a blessing to us. A gift that will never go without us giving thanks for.
you make me very happy little one! you have presented to me a new meaning for life.
I love you always.
Happy Birthday.
May there be many many more to come!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

halloween pics

here he is folks!
Baby Rambo!
it was all big TJ's idea.
and it was PERFECT!
everyone knew who he was dressed as. he even carried his candy bag like a big boy!
all's we had to do was cut up a red t-shirt for the band around his head and find some dark clothes. we ended up with a pair of green camo pants and a black t-shrit. and i muddies up his face with wet and dry brown eye shadow.
it was such fun!
the pictures didn't stay in the order i up loaded them in(which irritates me) but at least they are here.

leaving in the waggon

look at all the candy! mean we go out and run from door to door and ppl hand out free candy?

daddy and me walking down the street(we went with some neighbors. thier kids were a clown, a pumpkin, and a skelton)

the finishing touches are added and it's time to hit the candy trail!