an unfortunate event

i say it's unfortunate b/c it could have been prevented.it doesn't qualify as an "accident" really b/c it could have been prevented so easily.
this mother will never forgive herself. it would be impossible to try.

i called TJ in a complete melt down this evening. barely able to sob out the story below.i'm sure i scared him to death. i'm sure he wondered what i had done to little tj to be stammering thru the following statement:
"all's i can say is that no matter HOW BAD of a mother i ever think i am, no matter how frustrated or tired or annoyed i get with my son, i will always find comfort in knowing that when my child is awake so am i.he is never left unattended."
of course he didn't say i was crazy or upset over nothing. i'm sure he wondered why i took it so personally to have not even known the family responsible - but our child is around the same age as the one in the story. i know what my sons limits are.as well as his capabilities. and they are great. advanced enough that he needs to be watched at all times when he is awake.

this mother slept while her 18month old son wandered outside into the backyard where there was a pit bull tied up that the family was watching for a friend.(a different news story reported the dog was also pregnant)
the dog attacked and killed the child.
reporters stated "he had been dead for a while when the mom found him."

how does your kid wake up and you not know? i know at this age not all families use a baby monitor but i still do. and i hear every peep teege makes. i can even hear him suck his thumb if the volume is up loud enough.(this boy must have been in a toddler bed and not a crib.teege hasn't even tried to climb out of his crib.i don't see how you would miss knowing that your kid could do something like that though.so he must have been in a regular bed and just got himself up)

but how do they get outside without you knowing? i don't know about most 18 month old, but teege is 17 months and can hardly reach the door knob, let alone turn it. why wasn't the door locked? i wonder if it was a sliding door. that would be the only way teege could open a door was an unlocked sliding door that he could just push aside.

and last off all: where was the mother during all of this? how does your child just start wandering the house without anyone knowing? toddlers are not quiet creatures. he was bound to be babbling up a storm. and probably hungry.teege would have been very fussy/loud to be up all alone with nothing to eat.it was almost the middle of the day.and she was still sleeping. and now her baby is gone forever.i just don't see how much of an accident this really could have been.i'm not saying they set it up or did it on purpose at all, but there are just things you do as a mother to keep your kids safe.random mindless things like locking all the doors.or covering all the outlets.or putting down the lid on the toilet seat.
who are we as parents if we fail to keep our kids safe? what are we?

is my house 100% baby proof? no.but i damn sure don't leave my kid around any open doors unattended.are all my doors always locked when he's up? no. but he's never left in a room by himself. i even drag him to the bathroom with me.
AND if i'm going to leave him unattended for any amount of passable time he goes in his crib with toys, or in his completely baby safe room with the door closed to play, or i put up the baby gates so he is confined to one area before he's officially off my radar. and even then my ears are completely open!!
i don't feel sorry for her. i can't. i'm furious at her. that poor poor baby! there was just so much that could have been done to prevent this. and she can never take it back.

i posted a news link if you wanna read it. there's not much info other than what i already said.
i wonder if she'll get in to any trouble.child endangerment/neglect or anything. seriously, even if your kid can get in and out of his own bed shouldn't they at least be in there with the door closed so no harm befalls them before you know they're awake? teege always goes to bed and the door gets closed. at least that way if he does ever decides to climb from his crib he is still confined to his room til he is let out by me.

http://www.keyetv.com/news/local/story/Mother-slept-while-Luling-toddler-was-mauled/U-nXA1kWuUu4-LlBqDhuVA.cspx

bits of randomness

i am tired.
scratch that.
is there a bigger better word than exhausted?
when the pregnancy book said i would experience extreme fatigue in the 3rd trimester i just though "ok. so i'm going to revisit the stage where i want to sleep all the time."
wrong.
it's like extreme muscle exhaustion.
my arms and legs and well, everything! burn and ache like i just had the worst most vigorous workout at the gym with no fuel in my system and then went home and cleaned the entire house. everything feels like a dead weight when i try and move. mom said something about maybe trying and eating a bit of red meat b/c we mostly eat chicken around here -just personal preference when i'm only cooking for myself -it's easier than say grilling a steak. yesterday i made spaghetti-the protein enriched kind- and meatballs. i did notice quite the boost.so i guess i will add to my grocery list some kind of little fillet thing that i may be able to broil in the oven.

i finished The Wizard Heir. (those books by cinda williams i'm sure you've read about on shades blog. they are so good there's no way she would have failed to mention them!) I have the 3rd book 'Dragon Heir' on hold at the library. it was a 10 day wait. i sure hope whoever has it is a fast reader!!! i wonder what i can scan in the meantime.i'll have to drag something down off the shelf .

i've printed the packing list for the hospital when i go in to delivery. it's coming up so close now.i imagine i'll just throw stuff aside bit by bit til i'm ready to pack it all up.last time i really hated all of the 'after delivery' pads and undies the hospital gave me. though i had taken my own i didn't feel like dragging them out so i suffered in those giant diapers -the nurse actually wanted me to wear 2 stuck down side by side! talk about ew! and the ugly mesh panties. i never felt like they stayed on even though they were huge!!

we played outside with all the neighbors yesterday. i called crazy neighbor to come and help blow bubbles. some days she can be quite pleasant. it's her little boy that's getting my nerves at the moment. he's so prissy and bratty. his only childishness shows. it radiate out from him like some kind of repellent. he just exudes bulliness. anyway we were all cleaning up his mother said he needed to help and he said ' no thanks. i didn't drag all this out.'
she just let it go. didn't say anything to him like 'well you participated so you need to help." or 'your the oldest and need to set the good example by helping anyway so pick up'. he was twice the age of the oldest small kid out there. he'll be 10 this summer!
another time he was playing hide and seek with one of the girls and when she went to count he just went in his house.
and his tone of voice when he would talk to them. don't get me started on that! he talked down his nose to all of them! though he did stop and draw one of the girls a bunny with the sidewalk chalk.
oh, and he kept telling his mom 'i need some privacy!" and she would say."well go inside' and he would say "i want to play outside!"(which he never does!) and she told him "well if your going to be outside then you have to expect to encounter other children. that's just the way it is my little only child"
he doesn't play well with other kids. at all. he drags out all of his stuffed animals and hoards them all. not sharing when others want to play but having plenty to pass around. he just teases them with it. i've told him before he has to share or take them in.
but at some point it's the responsibility of the parent to teach their kid how to play well with others. to share and be nice and treat others like you would like to be treated.it becomes bad parenting when it is so obvious that your kid spends so much time alone that at this much of an older age he just can't cope with being around other kids.
it's her fault he's that way.
she's never made him share. she still chooses not to drive so she doesn't take him to school functions or games or public parks so he can be around kids his own age.they don't go to church.no socialization there. you have to be proactive in your kids life up to a certain part. you have to teach them to play well and share and how to make good friends. it's very annoying that she blames his attitude on everything but herself.
she was complaining the other day that he was such a good not picky eater when he was a toddler and then one day he just started wanting to play instead of eat and then when he went back to eating he wouldn't have any thing to do with anything healthy and it just gets worse. i told her at that point it's your responsibility to make your kid eat what they need to eat. even if it's just a matter of ' take 3 bites of each and then you can be done' ,but don't let them down from the table before.you're still holding authority at that point. she's lost all hold on him as his mother. it's sad. she didn't like hearing this and said that her dr told her that so long as he was drinking milk and juice he was fine. at some point that all just becomes empty calories. how can a child sustain on milk and juice and gold fish crackers? she admits she kept crackers and cheerios available to him at all times. we still don't really do a snack time unless it's obvious he's starving! and then most of the time it ruins his dinner and he doesn't eat good. that was the mistake she made, allowing him to have only what he wanted when he wanted it.to this day she still lets him eat like that. it's poor parenting. if you start that in one area of their life they're going to try to take over and get their way in other areas.

i guess i should be glad she lives next door to me. atleast i have learned that what NOT to do with my kid.

what else??????

i guess that's really all for now. it's almost lunch time so i best start thinking about what we're having.

notes to self:

• do not run while pregnant. (i took 2 bounding steps -try as i may i couldn't actually 'run'- after Teege yesterday.he was going as fast as he could over to the neighbors yard -where i had already 'borrowed' toys off their front sidewalk -which i have permission to do.) i didn't want him over there, only by the time i managed to ooch myself up out of my lawn chair he was already gone. so i tried to run after him. and i am paying for it. who would have thought it would hurt so bad? there are obviously bones between my legs i had no idea existed.and they hurt.
• the weather man is always wrong.(well, last night they were pretty close to predicting exactly how/when/who the hail storm was going to hit) but today on the noon news they were detecting thunderstorms well off to the south of the area and that all was calm locally. right after the news ended we had quite a few large booms of thunder and a nice rain shower -which is still falling.
• i have located all of the bottle parts/milk storage containers that i need for baby's arrival.they just need to be ran thru the dishwasher.which i will do closer to time for her arrival.
• i have washed atleast half of the baby clothes we've aquired from friends and neighbors for new baby.that's going well. again, it's a little early for that b/c now they are going to smell like musty old dresser when i put them on her. but i don't care. they will still be clean.
• the reason why i have been suffering so over the last week is b/c -tadah! baby is head down already! AMAZING! the dr said there was a chance she could flip back up still,and that it didn't mean she would come any earlier than ds did(1 week) but that was why i had this enormous out break of hemeroids! (and had to pee literally every 10 minutes.and couldn't sleep.and couldn't sit comfortablly.)i have never had them! and had kind of hoped to avoid them! but after giving birth once and then having a baby sit very low thru an entire 2nd pregnancy i guess it is an unavoidable thing. luckily the dr found it humerous when i said "i finally got the nerve to look with a hand mirror and i thought "well! i have my own personal ball sack!"
• teege is teething. AGAIN! come on mollars! come in already! you are making us all misterable!
• target registry: i set this up a while back b/c my mother is sending out some kind of birth announcements in april. just a little note to say we are expecting a baby girl in may and if anyone would like to send a gift here's the registry and please ship it to 'their house'. well i went back and viewed my registry b/c there are certain items i am going to NEED before natalie is born. a lot of the stuff that i used with teege was all loaned down to me and i have already given it all back. aside from the boppy. which was also loaned to me. from my sister. how used it a ton, and then i used it a ton, and washed it a ton and it has no shape or hold to it at all. i need a new one. and most of the stuff that i'm going to need/want is 'out of stock' or been replaced or discontinued or whatever. nice. great. i best order her oh so cute available online only diaper bag before it's gone to, b/c i love it so! i guess it'll work out though. i just may have to go online and replace a few of those items.

i guess that's all i know for now. i'm going to go try and rest a bit before teege decides he's going to wake up!

the nursery

ok ya'll. i did it. i woke up at 5 45 this morning and just couldn't get back to sleep. SO, i thought of you! of course i didn't roll out of bed immediately to take the 'promised pictures' i gave it a good heartfelt hr of trying to doze back off. but my brain was too busy with things i could be doing. so i got up at 6 20.and took these pictures for you.

remember the ugly dresser? this is it before i painted it.


front and inside.
i didn't paint the inside
but it was a mess and i just
had to share.



the top. bleck.




TADAH! the finished project!
ain't it pretty?














there's a swing in the corner i didn't take a picture of. and there's also going to be -eventually- a changing pad on the dresser (it's big enough to dbl as a changing table.) with some white wicker baskets that have black/white gingham liners to put diapers and ointments and lotions in. there will also be a ceiling sculpture eventually. i have it, but i'm not allowed to stand on a ladder, so my dad is coming to hang it up for me. i wanted that rather than a mobile for the crib. it's just butterflies and dragon flies suspended at different lengths from what looks like fishing line and it hangs from a hook in the ceiling. figured we'd get about as much use out of that as a mobile -which wouldn't be much - and it was WAY prettier. i can always buy something to hang on the side of the crib that plays music and makes lights that she would like better anyway. it's not something that would be used til she's more in the like 4 month mark anyway.

and there you have it.
it's pretty much all done! the dresser drawers do need to be lined. so i can't wash any clothes and put them away til that is done.but that's really the only major pressing thing left to get done.

hope it was worth the wait.
sorry it took me so long to get them up!

quick note

i am supposed to be taking a nap. or reading.doing some form of resting anyway.
but i just had to get this off my chest:
don't you think that luke grimes would have made a way better edward than rob pattinson?
i know. i'm well used to the idea of the current edward anyway. and grimes certainly seems to resemble pattinson in some form or fashion - it's either the hair or the smile or both. he's been playing on 'brothers and sisters' lately and i love him! don't know why i've never heard of him before now!
i'm going to go buy the movie soon. i just have to wait til payday to do any unnecessary spending. though i do need a loaf of bread b/c the dog ate mine- again. the whole entire thing. right out of the pantry. why can't he ever go after the chips?? we always have plenty of those! he must not be able to smell thru the chip bags.

sorry i've been so out of the loop.

i know i promised you pics of the nursery. i havent' forgotten. i'm just tired. and sometimes when i think about going in there to take them i'd just rather sit down!
there only 6 weeks left before new baby is here. and we recently found out that the last 10 days of TJ's school aren't mandatory so he should be home more like 3 weeks in advance of my due date, not just the one. if it was just the one he'd never have made it!

i'll try and update more later!!

for crying out loud!!!!!

i feel so wasted!!

i feel so used!!!!

jason - the stupid bachelor - made his pick last night between melissa and molly.
he picked melissa - YAY! i was so happy!! she was my favorite! i thought she was perfect for him in every way! as did he! he told her she was everything he had been looking for.

then in the "after the final rose" hour - the 3rd hr of the final episode last night -he dumps her!

are you friggin kidding me???? i just spent 2 hrs every monday night glued to the tv for weeks!

he said he still had feelings for molly and needed to let melissa go b/c he wanted to persue them.

he did say that their chemistry had changed over the last several weeks since the filming of the show and that things didn't feel right to him. but rather than talk to melissa about it and fight for her he just decided he'd better see if molly would take him back so he could know whether or not he made a mistake. a big factor in this in my opinion: they still weren't living in the same town yet. they weren't even in the same state. they weren't getting to see each other really. they went straight in to a long distance relationship after getting to spend months(i'm sure) of time together.

WOW! i was floored! and put out! and down right mad! that my time was wasted. right after the 'happily ever after' of it he changed his mind!
and there's a whole nother episode of 'after the final rose' tonight. i guess to recap what happened with him and molly b/c -
guess what!!!????
she took him back!
of course she did. she was still in love with him.
i would feel so played at this point if i were her. if i were either of them!
he said he loved 2 women.
he chose who he thought was best suited for him and his kid.
and then molly ragged on him about making a mistake when he let her go and he said "all's i can say is i think you're wrong"
and now he wants her back b/c he can't stop thinking about her.

thank God it's only tv! and i wasn't ditching important things to watch the show.