i can't even think of a good title today.
i am zapped.
the kids are napping.
today has been a quiet day. no drama so far.
just silence.
i think that's going to be the hardest part to get over.
i can't just pick up the phone and call him b/c i want to.i can't just call to say hi.i can't just call to tell him some great story about the kids.i can't just call to say good night.and i am done telling him i love him.he knows.
it's time to have hope in God that TJ will have a repentant heart and come to him. God will change his heart when he's ready to.i also believe that no man can do what TJ has done and not come to place of complete repentance and heartache over how he has destroyed his life.
i don't believe that God is destroying us.I believe that he is making life hard for us so that we will lean on Him and seek out his help.I'm there. I just hope that TJ doesn't wait too long to answer his calling.
I know it's hard to believe that i would take him back.even i am amazed at how solidly i feel that way.of course there would be some serious boundaries set -it would be months before he even lived here again.and i would have to sit down and think what it would look like for him to be in a relationship with me again -there would be serious trust to rebuild.it can be done. but he's not going to like it.if he chooses us i have a plan for how it would have to look to even try, until then, this is why i am standing today to fight for my husband - and if he chooses us i believe that with God all things are possible.and without Him we would be nothing.
A Standers Affirmation
I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.
I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.
- Author Unknown
"Do you believe that I am able to do this? According to your faith will it be done to you." Matthew 9:28-29
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"For i know the plans i have for you.They are plans for good and not disaster,to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11
2 comments:
I admire your desire to believe that he will come around and realize all that he is lost. I just hope you are prepared for the possibility that that may not happen. His actions have shown that he doesn't think about you or the kids. Stay strong and be the best mother you can be for your children. They are your priority.
vp- yes i am very prepaired.his actions as of late are speaking great volumes. he's taken all of the money -and then he gave me exactly enough to pay the bills -and nothing else.i had to take bill money and use it for groceries so the kids and i could eat.
i'm putting my feelers out today at my old job to see if i can get it back.
fingers crossed.
he doesn't matter any more(atleast i'm trying to convience myself he doesn't).i don't need to worry about him and what he's doing to hisself.i have to figure out how i am going to take care of us.and that is not the end of the world by any means.i have the best part of him right here.i will always have the best part of his heart b/c i have his children.
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