Sunday, July 20, 2008

stewing session

now that i am pretty much over the drama of today - which i'm sure i imagined up all on my own - i must tell you what they did.
my blogging rule book is out the window today i tell ya! OUT! i have things to say about certain family members unrelated to me by anything other than marriage and i am going to say them!

i called little sis in law today -the one who's graduation i did not attend for various reasons, one of them being that she called and acted all snotty about me NOT going, when i hadn't even said yes or no on the matter.why couldn't she have been all nice and understanding about the situation rather than act all bratty and like she was prepared to hate me forever if i didn't attend? - yesterday was her birthday. i called and chatted to her about how her day was and what she did. and asked her about school - she started college this month already.
I also asked her what she was going to do today and she said "i'm going to austin with mom to drop the kids off" i guess they had kept the other 2 grand kids this weekend and were bringing them back. before i could get another word out like "were ya'll gunna come by here?" she says to me "i have to go get in the shower. can i call you back? mom's on her way to pick me up."
"yeah, i'll be around all day."
we hung up and i went about my daily tasks keeping an ear out for the phone.
she never called.
i can't hold this against here b/c she is still a teenager. i cut her some slack b/c now i am the boring mother of the son of her brother. she used to think i was cool. she used to call me for advice and tell me all her secrets,til i didn't attend her graduation. i have called her 3 time since TJ has been gone and each time she has chatted for a minute and then rushed off the phone with a quick excuse and a promise to call me back. she never does. i blame most of this on her not being "all grown up" yet.

i was kind of holding out.
waiting.
to see if they would come by and see us.
i didn't expect it so much.
or maybe i did.
they were in town after all. dropping the other grand kids off with their mother about 30 minutes down the road from me, give or take.
they never called. or showed.
why do i even care?
i guess i care b/c EVERY TIME TJ is gone i disappear. i turn into some kind of non existent vapor to his side of the family. it's almost as if TJ is the glue that sticks me to the rest of the family. and when he is gone, so am i.
i have called my mother in law 4 times since he's been gone. 4 times in 8 weeks. i left 3 messages. she never returned any of them. i did get a hold of her the last time i attempted to make contact and we talked for a bit.
she has not called me once to ask about "little" or "big" TJ. at all. the entire 2 months he's been gone.

his dad hasn't been a whole lot better. but i can say when i did call he would call me back within 24 hrs. with one exception, and it turned out that TJ's grama was in the hospital -not for anything to terribly serious - but still,no one called me to let me know that she was there.

the bottom line: they don't pay attention to me. at all. when he's gone. i don't matter.
especially to his mother.
when she calls the house (when he is here) if i answer she asks the routine "how are you? how's the baby?" and then asks me to put her son on the phone. end of story. if he answers she'll ask about me and the baby and he will say "you know mom you could ask her that yourself." but she never wants to talk to me.

his dad is very busy. and we get along better. so maybe that's why i cut him more slack.

please don't think i am petty.
it's the principal of the matter!

i would have flipped my lid had my mil showen up today unannounced. i hate it when folks come over without calling first. so today, no, i would not have been happy either way.

normally i am throwing a fit about mil bulldozing our plans with plans of her own. she's always trying to intrude or get us to change our plans b/c this day is convenient for her to see us and she just can't wait.she has been known to drive all the way in and then call when she's about 20 minutes away and ask to come over. my FIL, well, they just drop in unannounced,but not often.
it's like they all live in their own little world and if they get to see us great! but they aren't going to go the extra mile to keep in touch. they seem to think it's our responsibility.

it will be over my cold,lifeless body if ANY of them get near us when TJ is home that first week.
he is mine. i am not sharing. i will not share. i refuse. if you don't like it you should have thought about that before you ignored me. you didn't want to see me or talk to me or know how i or your grandson was doing while he was gone for 8 weeks, you can handle another week or 2 without him.
it's not like we talk on a daily or even weekly basis as it is. but i expect more out of them when i am here alone. (not that i can't handle it by any means. i kind of feel like a warrior myself when he is away. but a friendly "hi! how are you doing? are you staying busy?" would be nice.)

if they want to act this way i will gracefully fade in to the background unnoticed, and then one day they will notice that we don't do anything on their terms and only go and see them when it is convenient for us(which is how it's fixing to be anyway b/c i can't handle being pushed around much more) and they will think "hey. what ever happened to that sweet daughter in law i used to have?" and it will be too late. i do not maintain one sided relationships. i have enough to deal with on my own where my husband and son are concerned without worrying about why none of them wants to keep in touch with me when their precious son is away.

it's not like i do anything while he is gone anyway. nope not me. i sit on my ass all day and eat bonbons and watch the soaps. i am Jamie -single girl-mommy to no one-do as i please.
i am not a maid or a cook or a mommy or a daddy or a nanny or a nurse or a landscaper or dog walker or mailman or auto mechanic or ............the list goes on

(you did catch the sarcasm in that i hope? i am all of those. and more. if i had a cape to wear i'd have some funny name like "the marvelous mommy maid" or something.)

ah but enough griping.
i just had to get it all out there so that if TJ calls tonight i won't bombard him with tacky words about his family. i love them. i do. and all of their irritating ways. this just happens every time he is gone.

why would i have expected anything more? i will certainly remember to expect much less from now on.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good for you.
All of that bullshit is exactly why Kevin moved all the way to TX and hardly goes to Oklahoma. He had to get away from it. And it hasn't changed. Not in almost 9 years...

Any way you can tell that side of the family a phony "coming home" date? like... a week later than reality?

I do agree, it's time to start putting your own little family first, and if you're the one who has to put your foot down and squash your husband's laxity on such issues, then do so. You've waited long enough and he's not going to do anything about it.

The last straw for Kevin was last Christmas, and the stunt a certain ex-step-mother-in-law pulled regarding dogs and using them as an excuse to tell us she didn't want us staying over in "her" house anymore. More than anything else, he was mad at what he considered to be a disrespectful manner in which she treated us. Not so much for himself, but for me. He knows how much she hurt both of us, but he's really put out that she treated me, specifically, that way.

You might as well put a stop to things before THAT happens. You're not a doormat. Stop letting them walk all over you. ;)

Cupcake Blonde said...

I hate to break it to you but this happens alot with in-laws. I myself suffer from "invibile daughter-in-law" syndrome when my hubby is not around. And if my husband's youngest brother or one older brother is around we both disappear. In-laws are weird and I have learned to not go out of my way for them because the certainly don't for me. I have a family that loves me, I don't need to worry about one that doesn't seem to think of me at all.

jellybean said...

i kind of wondered where they got of thinking i was a doormat anyway. for so long i just let it go whenever our plans got changed due to the unexpected wants of his family b/c it seemed to be what TJ wanted to do. then the baby was born. and then he joined in my sessions of gripping everytime something unexpected would come up with his family. then i realized he was just trying to keep everybody happy, and i'm no longer playing along.

it's funny how this happens. it's like we are only tolerated to an extent b/c we are a spouse. and even then, it's obvious we aren't loved in the same way as their own kids.

i must say it is nice to know that it's not just me that this is happening too. but i must also say that i am sorry that anyone has to deal with being treated this way.

oh well, i guess that's why we all have our own set of parents. the ones that truely love us and aren't afraid to act like it!

Cathy said...

Hey! Not to worry. I could tell you BOOKS of stories on how my in-laws have treated me. A little better now, but still treats hubby poorly. And doesn't even call Cassi. My side of the family is just the BEST. Cassi will be preparing to start 3rd grade in a month. And, my side ALWAYS helps get her ready. Now, what and read what they do: 1. buy her clothes and shoes, 2. buy her school supplies, 3. continually keep her weekends so I can rest from the week of hell she gives me. Them? NADA! My mom can spend a couple hundred dollars on Cassi in one sitting to get her everything she needs for school.

UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY!