Thursday, April 17, 2008

my son

Timothy James.

isn't it a strong name? a sound, solid, name.

my baby is running a fever today.

not a bad one, just the slight cranky fever they get when they are teething. i dosed him up with baby tylenol and put him to bed. he slept for 2 hours, which is a first.

we went to walmart when he was feeling better b/c i wanted to buy more baby tylenol to have on hand "just in case" we needed it tonight. though he seems to be fever free and comfortable.

he is sleeping again.

when he sleeps i like to hold him(though i try not to make a habit of rocking, it is something i do from time to time) and press my face close to his and feel his tiny rhythmic breath on my face. sometimes his nose whistles really high and quiet. sometimes he snorts when he breaths in.

i can not take enough pictures or film enough video. i have considered putting the camcorder somewhere where it can be on all the time so i would never miss a thing.
so often he will do something and i will worry to myslef "what if i forget this moment?" "what if when he is grown he will hate me and all's i will have left are pictures and videos of those moments in his life when all's he wanted was me?

when i pick him up out of this crib after naps and in the morning i put him up to my shoulder. he wrapps his arms around my neck and tucks his body in and squeezes as tight as he can. it's the best little boy hug i have ever had - b/c most older little boys don't give hugs - and i don't even think he knows he is doing it. i think he is stretching - but i can pretend that he is hugging me b/c he is glad to see me.

TJ has started touching my face. when i poke my head over the rail of his crib or bend down to scrunch noses with him(he does this quite well) he reaches up with both hands and grabs the sides of my face. sometimes he puts his fingers in my mouth or grabs my nose.

i love the way he talks to me when he catches sight of me across the room. "GOO! agoo! bbbvvvvv" he presses those lips together and blows and makes that vrooming sound like he's pretending he's driving a car!

he can turn over without even hardly thinking about it.

my baby is moving about now.

he is growing teeth.

he is eating from a spoon.

I am teaching him how to sip from a cup.(he does better with a big grownup cup than a sippy cup)

some of his onesies don't button between the legs b/c his torso is too long for his average age size.

my baby is growing.
i want him to stop.
but what about the days when he can run and play and wreastle? of course i want to have those times too......

but i am not ready for this stage to end.

that stage where he doesn't mind kisses and snuggles.

or the stage where he looks at me and immediately it dawns on him "that is the lady i see everyday" and you can see the light shed on his face that mine is a face he knows and trusts.

my son is my heart. i could burst at the seams each time i so much as think about him,let alone spend time with him. and he will never know how much i love him.

it is true what they say : you never know what your parents went thru with you until you become a parent yourself. (i mean that literally. what they went thru when you were a baby and when you were a rebealous brat! and they love you anyway)

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Aww. That's my little nephew! Good boy!

Cupcake Blonde said...

I guess this just means you will have to have another baby when TJ gets to the running and wrestling stage. That way you can enjoy both at once! ;)

I did not know the "T" stood for Timothy. That is my brother's name and I have always loved it.