Friday, April 25, 2008

oh boy! drama!

you know what i like about having a blogg? that it is a blogg about my life and ppl know that if they read it whatever i say is ok to say b/c it's my blogg about how i feel about whatever! and the ppl that post on my blogg are my friends enough to GENTLY give their opinion or loyally agree with me on the subject at hand. i can trust my blogg b/c the ppl that read it are ppl that i know. i don't use my blogg as a diary. i use it to broadcast my life generally, all drama between me and ppl i am close to set aside.

you know what i hate about message boards? that ppl in them seem to feel the need to voice their opinion and make sure you read them loud and clear.
i am posting the following b/c it was said by someone that i don't generally know or keep close contact with. she is an aquantance from a message board i am apart of. end of story.


i posted this on my military wife websight today and kind of got griped at. i didn't think i was being griped at at first. now i have changed my mind and since have asked an administrator to delet my post b/c it was a target for potential problems, though i wasn't trying to start anything.


i must know what to expect!

i should be in bed but this is heavy on my mind right now:DH is going to OCS this summer. i knew that this would bring great changes in our life. ie, the moving so often. DH working alot more hours, more deployments. more responsability for him. what never crossed my mind was what was expected of me.i didn't know anything more would be expected of me.(i should be smacked for not thinking of this!)granted my husband is in the national guard and most of the time he goes to work and comes home(he's e6 right now) there are no big social functions. there's NGAT. that's the only one i've ever heard of. he's always had drill during NGAT. we've never gone.one of his buddies asked him today "so is your wife ready to be an officer's wife?"i was on the defense immediately."what's that supposed to mean?"he gave me this look like "are you kidding me?"i had to ask him again "am i supposed to be out there like doing stuff?" ( one of the SGt. MAJ's wife was rallied at all of the homecomings when they came off their last deployment. i mean ALL OF THEM! (they came back in groups over 2 months time b/c some groups went ahead of others - it was for KFOR 7)DH is just looking at me like i should know all this magically!, and then i understood. he's been asking me alot recently about getting involved with FRG. ok, no problem. i like to reach out to folks that are in the same boat as me.then he hits me with "there will be more social functions to attend...." and he prettled on about a few things some of the other officers' wives he knew had done.(could this be why a bunch of women i didn't know threw me a baby shower last october???)he made it sound like i suddenly was a vital accessory to his career. not that i wasn't always, now i would just be seen more often.i don't mind being seen. i think i'm quite cute! i could stand to loose more weight since the baby was born but i'm working on it. i'm socailly sophisticated enough i think.i'm kind of freaking out about it. did you ever watch that show "army wives" that came on WE last year? i feel like Roxy. the new girl to the army life style. the one who didn't know anything about anything and was always getting her husband in trouble. DH doesn't talk to me about what he does. (not that he could anyway) i just learned how to tell military time and we've been together for 7 years! when i finally complained that i sitll hadn't gotten it down pat, not even after setting the time on my cell to it so i could figure it out he says "just subtract 2 when it's double digits. like 1300 is 1 oclock, you just take 2 away." so on and so forth. well stupid! why didn't you say that sooner? i just want to know so that he knows that i know him well. who he is and what he does. i just don't want other ppl to think i'm dumb b/c i don't know all the lingo. like when folks ask what his MOS is. the first time some one asked me i responded with "what's that?""oh it's what they do for a living." well gee, i didn't see that coming.ok, so he's personel. he wants to branch engineer when he graduates ocs. but isn't there a specific way to rattle off once's MOS other than point blank like that? isn't it some letter and numbers thrown together so no one would even know what the hell you were saying if you spat it out?educate me so i can be a good army wife!! i feel like a dummy! i just want DH to be successful and i don't want to be the dummy blonde who knows squat about him as a military man and has been married to him forever!i am begging you! even if i'm blowing this totally out of proportion i'd like to know that too! of course nothing is ever as big of a deal as i think it will be, but i like to be prepaired......ok, i'll quit now. fire away!

i hope this didn't sound snotty!i don't want to be snotty.

the first reply to my post:

No it did not. I'm no longer a military singificant other. My ex was Army reserves and when we were together I was not valued enough as a significant other that he never had me involved in his military stuff. So I have no advice.

the second reply:


first of all....unless he's making General...your importance is to him....not to his unit. You are there to support him...not become a social liason. Sorry, but I do find this somewhat condensending to others. I am a "Chief"s wife...highest "enlisted" rank....but I did not earn the rank ..."he did" I support him and do whatever is asked of me. I do not think of myself as better than anyone else. Maybe what I am reading into this is a lack of maturity...which I have read more than often lately. If I am offending anyone....then think about it and see if applies to you......I will not apologize for speaking my mind....this is not a social club and the "Officer's Wife" mentality as opposed to the other wive's in my opinion is "high school antics"


i replied to both replies saying:
barbara -i agree with what you are saying and i appreciate you for saying it. my importance should be to him, not to what "others" think i should be doing.i have seen some movies where some wives "throw their husbands rank" around like it's their own.(i'm not wanting to offend anyone either) but that is not my nature. i believe that my husband should get credit for being a good soldier and leader, not b/c his wife looks good on his arm and is involved in everything he does. i think we are all equal and all serve the same purpose as a military wife regardless of what our significant other's job is.i have always felt this way:"this is not a social club and the "Officer's Wife" mentality as opposed to the other wive's in my opinion is "high school antics"but have never had to address it b/c we don't live on base and frankly i barley know the ppl he works with, let alone their families.i just want to be supportive as best i can. that's all. i wasn't sure there were specifics or not that i needed to know of, b/c God knows DH would forget to tell me.i guess the important thing is that i do what he asks of me - like i always have - and nothing less of that. ellabell -i am sorry that you were never valued like you should have been. it is a big job what we go thru being together with someone in the service. i appreciate you anyway. you have load to offer to us!thanks for posting even if you had no advice, it means that you care what is going on with me regardless.
"this is not a social club and the "Officer's Wife" mentality as opposed to the other wive's in my opinion is "high school antics"but have never had to address it b/c we don't live on base and frankly i barley know the ppl he works with, let alone their families.Living on or off base has nothing to do with it. We have never lived on base....you seem to have missed the point

well barb then made reference to what i said about not living on base and not having had to deal with the drama between NCO and Officers wives by saying that apparriently i missed her point b/c it has nothing to do with living on base. she's never lived on base. i replied to her 2nd comment with this:

i'm not sure.i thought i understood what you meant. you were saying we are all equal and should treat eachother as such.i wasn't trying to classify myself as "more important". i only know 2 other military wives other than the time i spend here.no one has set an example for me to follow. i just felt a little out of the loop and was looking for a little guidance. i guess this is a sign that i can believe that things will only change as much as i let them. i can still be the stay at home mom i want to be and raise my son and not worry about the rest. he made it sound like we were going to be consumed with functions to attend. i don't want to misunderstand. i like to be prepaired! i wasn't trying to stick out like a sore thumb and act high and mighty.

she seemed to think that she would "not offend me" by saying "i don't want to offend anyone...."
that's the same thing as saying "now don't take this the wrong way but..."(fill in the blank)
if you have to say something before you say something else, chances are you are trying to be nice by dropping a fair warning that you are fixing to say something ugly. i didn't think at first that she was trying to single me out,but at the same time it sound like she was lumping me in with a certain group of women(you don't know me bitch! is all i want to scream at her!)

she also said "maybe what i am reading in this is lack of maturity" i'm glad she's a chiefs wife! congratulations.! all's i was asking was for someone to please tell me what is truely expected of me! do i still get to be the stay at home mom i want to be or is it all of a sudden my obligation to take part in "every fund raiser and bake sale and social function" on top of calling other NOC famailies during deployments and asking if they need any help with anything. is it truely a social whirlwind or can you only socialize only as much as you want??
is it really just the general's wife that is really obligated to "show her face" or is it important for all the wives to show their faces? we don't go to any social functions at present. i was just wondering what was going to change so drastically that TJ seemed to think i was ill prepaired!
UGH!!
TJ is no help. he doesn't talk to me about work. so i guess so long as i continue to do what he asks me to then i have no worries.

i've been thinking off and on about not participating in the message boards anymore anyway. the ladies aren't catty on a reg basis. but they post in groups. you know, sticking to ppl they know and leaving the newbies in the dust.

i am irritated that i got this respones. i wans't out to bragg that "i am an officers wife now! who the hell are you?" that is not me in any form. i have seen 1 woman on 1 occasion pull her husbands rank and act all high and mighty and it made me sick. she didn't work for that slot, he did. but some women do it.

i guess i will not say any more on this subject. it's frustrating more and more.

i hope a moderator deletes my post soon. i don't want to be fussed at anymore,

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

My biggest pet peeve about message boards is the participants who begin their posts with "I'm sorry, but..." and other such inflamatory remarks. If a person is going to say something that they feel BEFORE THEY EVEN SAY IT will need to be apologized for, or are concerned about offending anyone, they should stop and figure out a better way to word it.

I think everyone so far has completely missed the point of your post, and has shit for brains when it comes to using the context of any post as a means for determining the personality of the poster and responding accordingly.

I think that site is also just a place for bitchy women to bitch.

It sucks that a person who is asking for help because her husband never had the time/notion to teach her himself can't get the response she's looking for. All you want is for someone to tell you if a lack of participation has been noticed, if more such involvement is a requirement and how much should you really be expected to learn/know/be present for. Those are all very valid concerns and women looking to pick pissy fights should put their money where their mouths are and go join up themselves.

As for people who reply "I don't know" to posts like yours, that's my second pet peeve. What the hell bother replying for if you have nothing to contribute? Jeez! Must be one of those members who likes to increase their status within the boards by posting replies to everything in order to climb up the ranking ladder.

There is no way you sounded snobby or anything else even remotely similar to such. If other people cannot comprehend your complete confusion, panic, worry, concern that they've just been made aware that there is something they possibly should have been doing all along, haven't been and just found out their husband might have a problem with it then those stupid people should go back to kindergarten where the obviously belong.

jellybean said...

THANK YOU AUNTIE SHADES!
finally! someone understands what i was asking! i agree with your post 100 %! kindergarten sounds like the place for her to me.
yes those are some pet peeves of mine also. i was attacking no one,i asked an innocent question. and if anyone was offended it was her. she was picking a fight! the moderator still hasn't deleted the post yet but no one else has posted on it. the viewing marks only went up by 1. and there is some dumb sign on the smilies board you can add to posts that says "i have nothing to add. i just want to increase my post count" come on now! don't say anything if you have nothing nice or helpful to add.

thanks for defending me! way to take one for the lil' sis team!
it was nice to know that you understood exactly what i was saying. i kept reading and rereading what i wrote thinking i had said something snotty..... i liked the old message board better. the members were nicer(though some of the same went to the new one) and so long as you posted once a week they left you alone!
i definately prefer blogging. i seem to feel more like myself on this side!

Cupcake Blonde said...

Message boards are the spawn of the devil, in my opinion. It seems nothing good ever comes from them. I once belonged to group who liked the same actor I liked and was kicked out because I had disagreed with one girl's comment pertaining to wanting to stalk him at his next film location. I mentioned it might not be a good idea to do that and would not put his fans in a nice light. And they kicked me off. So do not take anything these ladies have to say to heart. Message boards are the soap operas of the internet! People love to create drama just to make others uncomfortable. You will figure it out, without any help from those bitches.

Wife said...

Hi - I stumbled across your blog post tonight. I hope you don't feel like I'm invading your privacy. I noticed no one actually answered your questions about what is expected of you (I hate that term, because it just sounds too 1950s), so here's my suggestion. If you want to learn more about army protocol, check our myarmylifetoo.com. (You'll have to register.) There is training called AFTB or Army Family Team Building that you can take online in your free time. There are different topics and different levels. I've only been an Army wife for one year, and that training has helped me a lot.

Hi - I stumbled across your blog post tonight. I hope you don't feel like I'm invading your privacy. I noticed no one actually answered your questions about what is expected of you (I hate that term, because it just sounds too 1950s). I hope you don't let anyone scare you into thinking there is some ivory tower you are instantly sent to when your husband is commissioned that is run by crazy rules and expectations. Be who you are and do as much as you want. If you want to learn more about army protocol, check our myarmylifetoo.com. You'll have to register. There is training called AFTB or Army Family Team Building that you can take online in your free time. There are different topics and different levels. I've only been an Army wife for one year, and that training has helped me a lot.

A little unsolicited advice -
At the encouragement of my sister, currently an E-6 in the reserves, I decided to try all social functions I was invited to at least once. I HATED some, but really liked others. I did meet a lot of nice people that way. If I were you, I would just try to go into this with a good attitude. Ignore catty comments from people who think they know everything and live in an imaginary ivory tower (you'll run into a lot of those). Just support your husband and do what's best for you and you'll be alright.