Dilemma

not that it matters really. but i can't decide when to go home.

i came to my moms on wednesday afternoon. it's saturday.
i was planning on going home monday.
then i realized that i was managing to stay home for only about a week before i hit that moody place where i couldn't stand being home alone anymore. it can be very daunting taking care of an almost toddler all alone.i know i chose this kind of life, but it's amazing how much harder and worse everything can seem when your spouse is aways. not that hundreds of women don't already do it every day, but for me, well, after a while i just get kind of depressed and lonely. so why not come and visit my parents?
we're very close. and it's only a 45 minute drive.
now if i lived out of state and couldn't' come home whenever i wanted. OR if my husband spent less time away and i had just enough time to enjoy the peace and quiet, i would stay put.
but right now -especially with being pregnant and feeling all hormonal and sorry for myself unwillingly at times - it's just such a nice break to come here. it doesn't mean that mom and dad do all of the work with my kid ,and the extra cooking too, while i sit with my feet up watching tv and eating bonbons - auntie comes to play with little TJ and give him his bath after dinner some nights -most nights really - and i still play with him quite a bit and handle as much of the middle of the night crisis crying as i can -when allowed. sometimes my parents jump in -unless i tell them i have a handle on things -and send me back to bed.
or they'll get up with him in the morning and let me sleep.
so it's not like i come here to sit on my butt and let someone else be the parent. i just get so bored at home why not come here and be bored with ppl i love?

TJ doesn't mind.
the dogs are with me so it's not like i left them in the care of any nutty (or busy) neighbors.
i don't mind barricading the cats in the house with a few days supply of food and H20.
but this time, my very nice neighbors -the ones with all the kids that take such good care of me -called on friday and asked if they had permission to go in and check on the cats and put my trash can up.
SURE! if you want to.
and then good neighbor also said "don't feel weird about asking us to help you. i know you're going back and forth alot and don't want to have to ask. but it's not like we'd even have to check on the cats but every few days. i'll go check on things this evening and if you decide you don't want to come home just call me. it's not a problem. if i was close to my mom, and she lived close enough to visit and i was pregnant with a small child and my husband wasn't home to help me i would be gone visiting alot to."

so now i just don't know when i want to go home!!

we have to make at trip to my nieces birthday tomorrow anyway, and they only live like 20 minutes from my house. so dad said he'd swing me by so i can check on things myself and restock on some supplies like diapers.

they way i look at it, if i stay an extra week by the time i start feeling blue again it'll be time for TJ to come home for christmas and i won't have a reason to feel blue. he'll be home in 2 weeks anyway.
on the other hand i kind of feel like a whimp for spending so much time here.
but i'd be doing pretty much the same stuff at home that i would be here -i'd just feel more stressed and unhappy.
atleast when i'm here i just feel tired but not so ragged out.

course i did work awful hard on my outside christmas lights and they aren't getting used right now.....