reactions

i didn't call him last night.
i never got my tea made. besides. i knew he'd call me if i didn't call anyway. i was trying to keep a rational head.

i was stuffing the electric blanket under my comforter before climbing in bed last night when the phone rang.
i answer and am greeted by a cheerful "hey you! how's it goin?"
like he hadn't talked to me 2 hrs ago and new that i was upset.....
"i'm puttin' the blanket on the bed" i mumbled.
"how are you?" (still sounding overly cheerful. his roommates sounded like they were throwing a party! there was tons of yelling in the background. which made me feel that much worse.)
"i'm mad at you but other than that i'm ok."
on the defensive :" why are you made at me? what did i do?"
so i filled him in.told him i didn't think that it was fair, him running off like that and how it didn't really work out well for teege b/c there was too much going on.sure i could stand out side with him the whole time. til it got too chilly. then what?
"but if you want to go you need to know that the rest of us will be staying home. i can find other things to do. me and teege will go get the christmas tree and put it up while you're gone."
"oh babe...." (I HATE WHEN HE DOES THAT!. oh babe, like ' come one you're being ridiculous'
"what?" i throw myself in to bed and start yanking the covers around me. i'm still fairly calm, on the surface anyway.
"i just know how much it would mean to my brother if i make it. i've missed all his big accomplishments b/c i've been gone."
ping - the imaginary pin i had been holding down on my grenade popped up. BOOM!
"that's fine.but you have to remember WHO SITS OVER HERE TAKING CARE OF ALL YOUR CRAP AND WAITING ON YOU TO COME HOME AND YOU CAN'T JUST SAY "HEY I WANT TO GO AND SPEND ALL DAY DOING THIS THE FIRST DAY I'M HOME DO YOU WANNA COME? LIKE THE REST OF US DON'T MATTER!! i'm the one who's been waiting to see you! i'm the one who's delt with more crap and had more going on than any other member of your family and i think we should come first."
i managed to go from calm, to hysterical and screaming, to strangled and crying in less than a minute.
he apologizes a million times while i'm sitting there speechless -shocked at how badly i had reacted and furious with myself for crying! come one! CRYING??
and after all of that he says " well if i don't do it saturday i still have to find some time to go down to work and sign all my paper work. i still have to take time out of one of our days to do that."
at least that wouldn't' take all day....and it's only an hr away. and you could go and come straight back. or we could all go at a convenient time and do a little shopping or something...... on a day when you've been home and we've had a little time to reconnect.

jeeze.
and then i hear "babe, i didn't say i was going, i just said i wanted to go."
he literally had the whole day planned when he mentioned the trip! he didn't ask me what i thought or how i felt about it. he just started from point a and made it all the way to point b like it was a done deal.
he talked some more about "if i go this" and if i decide to go that."
and i finally told him "if you go, i won't be mad. but you need to know that i will feel like you chose someone else over me and our son and that is not ok with me."
his measly response - "ok"
and then before he hangs up he says "please don't feel like i'm choosing him over you. that's not it at all."
how can i not feel like that?

anyway, i'm over it.
i've had my say and he knows that i don't agree. i won't be surprised if he does go. i'll actually be more surprised if he stays home.