i am going to be calling dh in a bit to tell him like it is.
i just have to blog about it first.
that way it's mostly off my chest (well, all the ugly stuff i want to say anyway) and i can be nice about telling him NO.
He can't go.
he comes home friday. i doubt he'll be home any earlier than 3 pm -very possibly later.
his brother -the one who has screwed up his life majorly -is having some kind of pinning ceremony (he's a fire fighter and he's been promoted.) the ceremony is 2 hrs away.
it's on SATURDAY! the day after he comes home. at 5 in the evening. he wants to go early so he can go by his armory and fill out all his paper work so we can get his travel pay and family sep. pay. which means probably leaving here at least by lunch time.
i know.
no big deal right?
well the ceremony is 2 hrs long. so it won't even be over til 7. and then there's a 2 hr drive home -and don't forget to factor in that everyone is going to want to go out to eat afterwards.
uh, when do i feed my 13month old his dinner? he can't wait til after 7. oh bed time, that's also at 7. not to mention that he's not old enough to know to sit still and hush. he will be all over the place. he's all over the place when we go to the dr. and he screams bloody murder sometimes if you try and stop him from making a beeline somewhere. I can only take so much mister! me and my pregnant hormonal self are not feeling nice about this. he doesn't realieze that Teege is not so little anymore. you can't just take him anywhere and give him a bottle and he'll go to sleep. he's a go doer and wants to be in the mix of everything.
i just want to scream at him!
you're going to run off to celebrate with your bother THE FIRST REAL DAY YOU HAVE TO SPEND AT HOME AFTER BEING GONE FOR WEEKS! while i have been sitting here at home, all alone, anxiously waiting for you to come back! taking care of ALL OF YOUR CRAP! (yea, he has over drawn his bank account more than once since he's been gone. who always takes care of that? I DO!) and you want to go spend time with your family?!?! the part of your family that is now somewhat extended b/c you have a wife and a kid and a baby on the way??
he said tonight that we could "talk about it more later"
talking about it later isn't going to make me any more happy about it i told him. it wouldn't be a big deal if it were a little earlier in the day and it wasn't his first day back home.
am i being selfish? or is he?
"well he came to my officer pinning ceremony in September and i missed his fire academy graduation and it would really mean alot to him if i could make it."
well i kind of feel blown off. what about what would mean alot to me?
jerk.
we were going to get a christmas tree this weekend! all the good ones are going to be gone! we waited on purpose to get one when he got home so we could do it together. we planned it that way when he was home for thanksgiving b/c there wasn't time to do it then.
AND don't forget his time at home is limited - 2 weeks. and there's christmas to factor in. it's not going to be a leisurely 2 weeks at home as it is. we have to do christmas at his dad's. my parents. his moms. my other gramas. 3 of those are all on christmas day. when are we going to do christmas at our house if christmas is already so jam packed? and don't forget that christmas is not the only time his family is going to want to see him. unless he gets a good pass to come home the next holiday we have after new years(whatever that is. Easter? and that's not a government holiday anyway) he won't be back til the end of APRIL! and you expect me to sit back and happily let you do whatever you want while you're home this time?
choose me for a change damnit. not everyone is cut out to let their husbands leave for months on end to do what they need to do.he's only gotten so far in his career b/c i was able to suck it up long enough to deal with him being gone almost all of the time! we've been married for nearly 6 years.he's been gone off and on for so much of that it averages out to 4 of those years spent away.i deserve a little more respect than just "i want to go over here and spend the whole day doing this the day after i get home.wanna come with me?"
right.
if he wants to go then me and teege will do the christmas tree by ourselves. and he will just have to feel left out. and i won't feel left out that he chose his brother over us b/c i will have a lovely time taking my son to pick out the perfect tree (a small one b/c i won't be able to put up a big one by myself, not a real one anyway. those suckers are heavy!) and it will be decorated so pretty by the end of the day that he will cry b/c he missed it all.
i know. my feelings are just hurt. and my supper was HORRIBLE so new baby and i haven't had much to eat tonight.and my hormones feel like they are wired to electrical outlets and i am going to explode at any moment.
i'm going to make me some tea.
and if i don't feel more rational by then i don't think i'll be calling him to tell him good night,or anything else.
he can call me when he goes to bed and hopefully i will be asleep enough not to reach thru the phone and strangle him.
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5 comments:
I think you have every right to be upset. You had previous plans, he is just coming home and you want to spend time with him. He should respect that and understand. Does it suck that he may feel guilty if he can't be there for his brother? Yes. But he needs to do what is right by you. You and Teege and baby are his family now, you come first. That is what happens when you get married. It took a while for my hubby to understand this too, but he eventually came around after some fits myself.
thanks vp! i was kind of afraid i was just being raging pregnant woman on a warpath last night so i'm glad that at least some of my thinking was not irrational.
Did you say "Oh, gee. I bet this is why all those other guys you're working with right now keep finding out their wives are divorcing them while they're gone."?
I know what you're going to do! I know your "M.O." you'll stay home while he goes out and does that all day/night, you'll go pick out your own tree & decorate it & when he comes back and sees you've done it all without him, he'll feel bad.
Woo-hoo!
But, seriously, DO tell him how you are feeling. Keeping stuff like that bottled up only leads to resentment and will cause even more problems later on.
His brother doesn't do much for him, anyway. In fact, isn't HE the one who's always cleaning up HIS BROTHER'S messes?
I'd be pissed, too.
If nothing else, use the "baby has been sick and it's not a good idea to take him out and about now if we want him well for Christmas" excuse.
AND
I think you guys should be in your own homes Christmas Eve & Christmas Morning, and when you are done with your own family time, then you can go wherever to whatever is going on. Don't try to make all of the rounds according to when everyone else wants you there.
Next year, you will have TWO children to shuffle. Might as well start practicing NOW, while there's only Teege and the Tummy.
shades - that is exactly what i will do. it kind of makes me wish i picked up that short little tree i saw at home depot when i was there with mom and dad. and then dad could have helped me get it on top of the car and home(or something). rather than me going to get my own tree and having to hunt some stranger down to help me, since TJ has the truck. maybe it's just time to buy an artificial tree. and i'll go to yankee candle in the mall and buy one of those balsm/cedar scented thingies that makes your tree smell real! i could handle a fake tree in a box a little easier.
Sounds like a plan to me!
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